RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (Full Version)

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sexyred1 -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:17:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

and I hear ya, SR1 may be the entire case, but it is like worth a try, not trying is not knowing, and after all said and done......would you rather he tried at the time or said outright fuck it you're not worth it.

it is a hard deal, and gonna require some herculean effort or some devilishly hard choices.....but when you consider (if I got this right, see? I do pay attention) that shes deployed and hes home, he could just walk off to the lawyer and.......

Well that says to me there is some kinda wanna there.

You smelling what Im cooking here?

The Rock


Yeah Rock, I do smell what you are cooking, but I will reiterate: love is sometimes not enough to compensate for such an important element. You can try till the cows come home, but if it is not IN you, I mean you really have no proclivity towards this, then you cannot force it. And when there is true love involved (like mine), even that can be systematically destroyed when resentment kicks in and when inadequacy (on the guy's part not being able to be the Dom she wants) kicks in.




DrkJourney -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:19:36 PM)

hey, does that mean I can have my way with you while you're feeling all cheap and stuff?[sm=yahoo.gif]



mnottertail -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:20:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
Pull her hair, throw her up against the wall, fuck her til she cries.....and i think youll be okay.[;)]


OP, and you can do all these things in the most clinical, laidback and taciturn manner as befits your station in life as a sex god.

Really.
You see Noah, in our league, we don't use a blackjack; a little polish, a little poise, know what I mean?




Jeffff -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:21:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

hey, does that mean I can have my way with you while you're feeling all cheap and stuff?[sm=yahoo.gif]



As long as your "way" involves a blow job... I am pretty sure he is ok with that.


Jeff



LadyPact -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:25:17 PM)

There are a lot of good opinions on this thread, so please take the time to think about them.  I'd also like to commend the OP in attempting to look for potential solutions. 

Whenever someone comes to these boards speaking of an incompatibility in this area (usually the kinkier person hoping to get the less kinky person to be more kinky) I think the best piece of advice that I give on the subject is to read what your SO is reading or what you'd like them to read.  When you were deployed, OP, your spouse was sending you the written information on what interested her in all of this.  What appeals to her in what she's reading now?  You might find some stuff in there that you are more comfortable with.

Also, what angle is she looking at all of this from?  Is it just things in the bedroom or overall D/s type structure?  Does she want you to be in charge?  Ron's right.  With your military background, you know more about protocol, ritual, hierarchy, and power structures than most people who are inexperienced in BDSM.  Use what you've got.

Look at her wants and compare them to your wants.  Where do they overlap?  Work in that area and see how you assess the situation.  If they're not matching up, what other options are available to you?  Would you be willing to work with another Dom?  How about public BDSM play?

Last but not least, I do want to tell you that, in My opinion, it really is ok if you're just a vanilla kind of guy.  It's ok to be yourself and still attempt to find ways that everyone's wants will be met and you continue having a loving relationship.  Let's make it a goal for both of you to be content and see how we achieve that goal.

By the way, I happen to have a non submissive spouse.  We've found some solutions that work for us and I'll be glad to try to help you with your situation.  That's either here on the forums or on the other side in mail.



DrkJourney -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:26:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

hey, does that mean I can have my way with you while you're feeling all cheap and stuff?[sm=yahoo.gif]



As long as your "way" involves a blow job... I am pretty sure he is ok with that.


Jeff


um...no...actually in my fantasies he was the one on his knees [sm=bust.gif]  LOL



persephonee -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:26:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail


quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee
Pull her hair, throw her up against the wall, fuck her til she cries.....and i think youll be okay.[;)]


OP, and you can do all these things in the most clinical, laidback and taciturn manner as befits your station in life as a sex god.

Really.
You see Noah, in our league, we don't use a blackjack; a little polish, a little poise, know what I mean?




Case in infuriating point, persephonee's much put upon Master.....

its always the quiet ones that just wont crack, no matter what sexual tricks a girl throws at them.....


.....heyyyyyy.....thats one of them thar Dommy tricks, aint it?



AquaticSub -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:33:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Yeah Rock, I do smell what you are cooking, but I will reiterate: love is sometimes not enough to compensate for such an important element. You can try till the cows come home, but if it is not IN you, I mean you really have no proclivity towards this, then you cannot force it. And when there is true love involved (like mine), even that can be systematically destroyed when resentment kicks in and when inadequacy (on the guy's part not being able to be the Dom she wants) kicks in.




As much as it's important enough for me to end a relationship over... It really does depend on how important it is to his wife. For some people, sex in general just isn't as important and others can find ways to work around it. Perhaps he will find a way to totally control her for a few hours once a week or once a month and that will be all that she needs to scratch her desires. Hell that's more than Val and I scene together a lot of the time. [;)]

Or maybe a solution could be them going to BDSM clubs together and her taking on a play partner. Or maybe we'll get the best possible solution and, as he gets more comfortable with things, he realizes a genuine to desire to control her. Or maybe nothing will work. And while love isn't always enough, I do think people in love should at least try because you just never know what you will discover about yourself.



mnottertail -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:38:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

hey, does that mean I can have my way with you while you're feeling all cheap and stuff?[sm=yahoo.gif]



As long as your "way" involves a blow job... I am pretty sure he is ok with that.


Jeff


um...no...actually in my fantasies he was the one on his knees [sm=bust.gif]  LOL



Ja, I haven't seen that movie yet, and don't really plan to. LOL.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:41:15 PM)

Life is what happens while you're busy making other  plans... Beautiful Ron






sexyred1 -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:45:48 PM)

I am puzzled as to why those who have quoted me did not actually notice that I am all for TRYING. As I related my own story relevant to the OP, I stated we tried for years (10 to be exact).

I never suggested anyone just run screaming from the relationship at the first sign of sexual incompatiblity and not try; but since I have first hand experience with this situation I simply stated the facts of what happened and the outcome of MY particular situation.



DrkJourney -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:46:54 PM)

oh come on......but you're all cheap and stuff...[X(]



mnottertail -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:47:12 PM)

I got it. I got it good. and both your answers were to me anyhow.

So, do I get a blowjob then or what the fuck is the fuck is the fuck is the dealio here?

Ron



sexyred1 -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:49:12 PM)

Are you talking to me or DrkJourney? You can't have us both.



mnottertail -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:49:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

oh come on......but you're all cheap and stuff...[X(]



so's Four Roses whiskey, but I don't drink it. Perhaps you're feeling a litte cheap yourself, want a little tawdry sorta thing going on, c'mon...truth.

Ron



DrkJourney -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:49:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I am puzzled as to why those who have quoted me did not actually notice that I am all for TRYING. As I related my own story relevant to the OP, I stated we tried for years (10 to be exact).

I never suggested anyone just run screaming from the relationship at the first sign of sexual incompatiblity and not try; but since I have first hand experience with this situation I simply stated the facts of what happened and the outcome of MY particular situation.


Hope you didn't take my post that way....I was agreeing with you...I didn't think that's what you meant



sexyred1 -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:50:43 PM)

DrkJourney, no, I was not referring to you at all. :)



DrkJourney -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:52:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I got it. I got it good. and both your answers were to me anyhow.

So, do I get a blowjob then or what the fuck is the fuck is the fuck is the dealio here?

Ron


weeelllll...if you're a good little Ron maybe "after" we can get you a nice little nasty blowjob..lol



DrkJourney -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:53:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Are you talking to me or DrkJourney? You can't have us both.


Come on Red....I've got enough for both of ya....lol



mnottertail -> RE: Not quite sure how to continue... (12/31/2009 12:54:56 PM)

she was looking at you two, but she was talking to me.

Ron



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