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Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 10:52:20 AM

wykkidesire2plsU

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Well, it is determined i suck at realizing someone is married or not. i guess i am such an upfront person, it doesnt occur to me that other people are not who they say the are.

Can some of you who have been doing online for a while give me some pointers on what you look for? What is your litmus test for married....

i know not calling is one, or wanting to only meet during the day, but these two have not been that reliable :P.

(Also thanks to all the married men who state they are upfront, the honesty is much appreciated for those of us not wishing to go there).

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 10:53:42 AM

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If you go down on your knees to gobble some cock, and there is already lipstick on that dipstick that aint your shade..............

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:00:32 AM

wykkidesire2plsU

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Joined: 12/9/2009
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quote:

If you go down on your knees to gobble some cock, and there is already lipstick on that dipstick that aint your shade..............

Ron

True or tastes like corned beef and i didnt have corned beef for dinner (lol, yuck, not sure why i thought of corned beef!). But i would love to be able to tell before i get anywhere close to the gobbling stage :).

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:11:23 AM

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I simply talk to them and get to know them before ever getting attached be it online or in person. If they're married or taken it will eventually weed its way through.

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:13:59 AM

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are you looking long distance?

even at that, there are reasons that someone cant be avail 24/7 but if you cant get ahold of them when you want, know where they live, know some of their freinds........

then they must be making the beast at home, or being served corned beef and cabbage by another.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:36:16 AM

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quote:

...What is your litmus test for married....

not being willing to engage in online or long distance relationships where the two people have not spent any or enough time together---in the flesh---to be able to tell if one is lying about being married or not.

sorry, but this slave can't relate to the preference of the online relationship, with a big part of it being that there is just too many things one can fake online that can't be faked in person.

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:39:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

Well, it is determined i suck at realizing someone is married or not. i guess i am such an upfront person, it doesnt occur to me that other people are not who they say the are.

Can some of you who have been doing online for a while give me some pointers on what you look for? What is your litmus test for married....

I know where you're coming from here! I can't tell you how often married guys have fooled me.

None these guarantee that they're married, but are my personal red flags:

Only writes, chats, or phones from work.

Uses the word "discrete" often on their profile or while getting to know you.

Avoids talking about or is very vague about his current living circumstances.

Doesn't want to meet in a busy, public place, especially one in his neighborhood.

When things heat up, opts for a hotel rather than his place ( he may give you all sorts of romantic reasons for this, but there's usually a wife and kids at home wondering where dad is tonight ).

Never gives a home mailing address or phone, even after knowing each other quite some time.

If you live in different towns, always comes to visit you, never invites the other way around.

When it comes to moving in together, always dodges the topic.

And of course the most obvious: wedding ring or mark where it should be!

If you can get their real name, a bit of internet research always comes in handy when there are doubts.

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:40:41 AM

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Usually, they want to meet only a couple of times a month, once a week at max, they always offer your place or a hotel never their place, they wont let you come over just to hang out it all has to be about "play" and what your going to do for them, they rarely ask questions about who you are as a person, mostly who you are as an object to serve, they tend have photos that dont depict their left hand or dont show it clearly.
They wont do ANYTHING at all even a first meet on your terms, its always their terms, and they tend to say they need discretion in their profiles, with out mentioning a job...'

Eta they usually only talk 9-5 in the day and 11- 3 in the morning they are rarely if ever online to really talk during the 5-11pm time of day

< Message edited by hopelessfool -- 12/31/2009 11:45:00 AM >

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:46:10 AM

wykkidesire2plsU

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Joined: 12/9/2009
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quote:

sorry, but this slave can't relate to the preference of the online relationship, with a big part of it being that there is just too many things one can fake online that can't be faked in person.

i feel the same way! But did you know if i ask to meet real soon especially if local they tell me i am moving too fast and need to get to know one another first, im like and we cant over coffee? Hmmmm...perhaps this is a litmus test :).

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:46:55 AM

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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

Only writes, chats, or phones from work.

Uses the word "discrete" often on their profile or while getting to know you.

Avoids talking about or is very vague about his current living circumstances.

Doesn't want to meet in a busy, public place, especially one in his neighborhood.

When things heat up, opts for a hotel rather than his place ( he may give you all sorts of romantic reasons for this, but there's usually a wife and kids at home wondering where dad is tonight ).

Never gives a home mailing address or phone, even after knowing each other quite some time.

If you live in different towns, always comes to visit you, never invites the other way around.

When it comes to moving in together, always dodges the topic.

And of course the most obvious: wedding ring or mark where it should be!

If you can get their real name, a bit of internet research always comes in handy when there are doubts.

Ditto, ditto, ditto!

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:53:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

quote:

sorry, but this slave can't relate to the preference of the online relationship, with a big part of it being that there is just too many things one can fake online that can't be faked in person.

i feel the same way! But did you know if i ask to meet real soon especially if local they tell me i am moving too fast and need to get to know one another first, im like and we cant over coffee? Hmmmm...perhaps this is a litmus test :).

indeed. and a good one! meeting doesn't have to equal "establishing a relationship at the meet".

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 11:59:59 AM

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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

quote:

sorry, but this slave can't relate to the preference of the online relationship, with a big part of it being that there is just too many things one can fake online that can't be faked in person.

i feel the same way! But did you know if i ask to meet real soon especially if local they tell me i am moving too fast and need to get to know one another first, im like and we cant over coffee? Hmmmm...perhaps this is a litmus test :).

This is a red flag for me about a lot of things, not just married. Could be he/she is just fantasy role playing online with no real intention to meet someone, or looks significantly different from their pictures that they've posted, or even a member of the opposite sex than what you think he/she is!

If they won't just meet you at a coffee shop within a few weeks of chatting online or on the phone, it should tell you something.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 1:05:20 PM

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Yep, I think Unique has that one uniquely characterized.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 1:19:30 PM

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Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

Ba-dum ching!

"Thank you, and don't forget to tip your waitresses........."

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 1:22:37 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

What is your litmus test for married

To be honest with you, if I were married, I'd tell you it was none of your business. Whether or not I have a bit on the side, am poly, or cheating, would only be relevant if you wanted a permanent relationship and wanted to live together. How I live my life is otherwise not your business.

Having said that, if you get his home phone (landline) you could call him at 2am - "I just wanted to hear your voice" - if this causes ruptures, issues, or if there is a screaming bitch in the background, he's married. Generally, having a few long phone or cam conversations, especially around dinner time, very early in the morning, is a good check. The best check is on Skype or some such, to ask him to take his laptop and walk you around his house. A pile of kiddie clothing on the washing machine is a dead giveaway. If he refuses "my cam is broken" you know what you need to know.

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 2:06:13 PM

wykkidesire2plsU

Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
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quote:

To be honest with you, if I were married, I'd tell you it was none of your business. Whether or not I have a bit on the side, am poly, or cheating, would only be relevant if you wanted a permanent relationship and wanted to live together. How I live my life is otherwise

i can see Your point :), but for alot of women, it is important because:

Most of us have that "i dont want to be the one to hurt the wife"bone in us and at least try to avoid it.
If i were going to be involved with someone poly i would want to know that upfront and not just it be none of my business.

Thanks for commenting though, since i am new it is very interesting to hear everyone's take on it.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 2:10:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

What is your litmus test for married

To be honest with you, if I were married, I'd tell you it was none of your business. Whether or not I have a bit on the side, am poly, or cheating, would only be relevant if you wanted a permanent relationship and wanted to live together. How I live my life is otherwise not your business.

Having said that, if you get his home phone (landline) you could call him at 2am - "I just wanted to hear your voice" - if this causes ruptures, issues, or if there is a screaming bitch in the background, he's married. Generally, having a few long phone or cam conversations, especially around dinner time, very early in the morning, is a good check. The best check is on Skype or some such, to ask him to take his laptop and walk you around his house. A pile of kiddie clothing on the washing machine is a dead giveaway. If he refuses "my cam is broken" you know what you need to know.

For me its HUGELY my business.
A) I have a right to know if my partner could be exposing me to and std by sleeping with more then just me.
b) I have the right to know if my partner is trust worthy or not
c) I have a right to know that if I do something Im not involving someone else in my kink non consentually
D) I have a right to know that my owner is actually going to respect my limits, Which are pretty much a b and c

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to antipode)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 2:13:23 PM

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Joined: 7/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

What is your litmus test for married

To be honest with you, if I were married, I'd tell you it was none of your business. Whether or not I have a bit on the side, am poly, or cheating, would only be relevant if you wanted a permanent relationship and wanted to live together. How I live my life is otherwise not your business.

Having said that, if you get his home phone (landline) you could call him at 2am - "I just wanted to hear your voice" - if this causes ruptures, issues, or if there is a screaming bitch in the background, he's married. Generally, having a few long phone or cam conversations, especially around dinner time, very early in the morning, is a good check. The best check is on Skype or some such, to ask him to take his laptop and walk you around his house. A pile of kiddie clothing on the washing machine is a dead giveaway. If he refuses "my cam is broken" you know what you need to know.

Actually, it is my damn business for reasons already states by others.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 4:02:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode
To be honest with you, if I were married, I'd tell you it was none of your business.

If the Person I am going to be with is married, I think it is my business, whether or not it's going to be a permanent live-in situation or not. A lot of gals, including me, do not want to be Someone's dirty little secret on the side.

OP, these are the things I watch for. (1)Not letting me know His full name....I tell mine. (2)Not letting me have His phone# and never letting me call Him, esp when He has mine and does. (3)Disappearing suddenly off the IM without any explanation when you ask Him. (4)Only being able to meet at certain times and on certain days, a lot of times that means only during the day and never on weekends. (5)Never spending a holiday with you if it happens to come up.....He probably has a Mrs somewhere He's spending it with. (6)Never ever being seen in public with you.....too risky. Not only that, but a lot of times He won't even let you meet any of His friends. Again, too risky. It might get back to the Mrs accidentally. (7)When you do meet it's never at His place, but always at a hotel, your place, or somewhere else. He never wants you to go to His place or even know where He lives.

I'm sure there are other tell-tale signs, too, but these are ways I've found out.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Share litmus test for married? - 12/31/2009 5:26:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

quote:

sorry, but this slave can't relate to the preference of the online relationship, with a big part of it being that there is just too many things one can fake online that can't be faked in person.

i feel the same way! But did you know if i ask to meet real soon especially if local they tell me i am moving too fast and need to get to know one another first, im like and we cant over coffee? Hmmmm...perhaps this is a litmus test :).

That is SUCH a good litmus test. When I was single, if I met someone over the internet I would try to meet them within a week, the only reason I wouldn't is if we were both extremely busy.

There is no possible way you can get to know someone better online than you can in person. None. Would you meet someone at a bar, and then tell them "no I don't think we should have dinner, let's just come meet each other at the bar every night for a month to see if we should try dating." You'd say WTF is that? Why should meeting on the internet be any different?

As far as seeing if guys are married, sadly nobody really uses house phones anymore so cell-only is no longer a sign of married men...but if you call him at 9pm and he says "I can't talk now" and seems like he's in a hurry (as opposed to a calm "can I call you later, I have guests" or whatnot) that's a pretty big sign.

Another big rule is don't sleep with a guy til you've been invited to spend some time at his place a few times. If you haven't seen his home, he shouldn't be in your bed

But basically I'd say just take it slow, spend some time dating, don't seem too pushy for information or anything but at the same time don't let him be too pushy for the relationship to progress to the physical.

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

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