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Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 6:25:19 PM   
IvoryWhore


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/10/2009
Status: offline
Here's a question for all the Mistresses and female dominates out there. It really get's on my nerves from time to time and right now I have to know.

Why is it that every Mistress out there either want's a manly man, a house boy, is a pro-domme, or just want's other females? I know I fall into a niche that men like, but why can't there be ONE Mistress out there who want's someone like me? Every, and I mean EVERY tgirl like myself-MtF-who I have talked with that has been looking for a Mistress as well has come up with zero.
I have received over the years women from far away places telling me that if we were only closer they would have me as their slave. It's usually California and oddly enough Texas from time to time. Some as far as the Netherlands. But my point (and question) is, what is it about people like me that have an impossible time being collared by women?
(10 years in search of one and still nothing)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 6:29:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
It's as simple as this.  Some of us have no interest in being served by t-girls.  It's our personal preference.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 6:33:22 PM   
UrMyboi


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's as simple as this.  Some of us have no interest in being served by t-girls.  It's our personal preference.


I have no interest either. Maybe someday you'll find her.

_____________________________

I would rather have a hard drive, than a floppy disk.

Curious? Who me?

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 6:59:07 PM   
SolangeRichards


Posts: 170
Joined: 5/8/2005
Status: offline
Thing is though, inside your own question as to why, you mention that in fact you have been approached numerous times by women.  You mention California, Texas and the Netherlands just to name three.

So I guess you actually mean why haven't you been contacted by someone local to you....

Thing is, we are special people, and I don't mean people like you, and people like me.  I mean all of us on sites like this.

We all of us in one way or another buck trends, defy odds, hew from the norm, skew statistics and stand up when we are told to sit down.

If you are talking about someone who enters your life and fulfills your needs while you do likewise for them, do you really think this is as easy as tossing up a profile on a sex site?  Do you really?

OK, you've been searching for ten years, but many of us have searched our whole lives!  And I'm not talking about just TGs, but women Dom and sub, men in the same situation, vanilla folk of every stripe and if you trust People magazine, a high number of celebrities with money, wealth and fame!  It's not too big a price to pay, we are talking about the person who will be our everything, it's gonna take some time to get this right!

It's New Years, and I don't mean to end the year criticizing you, but you have been contacted and I'm thinking the question should not be "Why?", but "Why not?"

(in reply to UrMyboi)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 7:11:11 PM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
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I find it strange that people come here and complain that they have spent years looking for the right one.  Most people (Vanilla, kink, hetero, homo, TG and everything in between) spend the vast majority of their lives looking for "the right one." The truly blessed few find the "right one" if such such a thing really exists.  Most people are very happy if they find the "good enough,  they'll do" one. (If you know what I mean). I'm a dominant female and after 15 years in the lifestyle I still haven't caught the right slave yet either.  But damn if I ain't really enjoying the hunt.   That's what you should do honey... let your joy come from the search, not the find.  Make friends, Make connections....... make love whenever you can.  And (to steal a phrase)  if you can't be with the one you love... love the one your with.
Much Love and good luck finding what you seek
LadyC

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 8:13:27 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Door number three.

chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 8:17:30 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

I find it strange that people come here and complain that they have spent years looking for the right one.  Most people (Vanilla, kink, hetero, homo, TG and everything in between) spend the vast majority of their lives looking for "the right one." The truly blessed few find the "right one" if such such a thing really exists.  Most people are very happy if they find the "good enough,  they'll do" one. (If you know what I mean). I'm a dominant female and after 15 years in the lifestyle I still haven't caught the right slave yet either.  But damn if I ain't really enjoying the hunt.   That's what you should do honey... let your joy come from the search, not the find.  Make friends, Make connections....... make love whenever you can.  And (to steal a phrase)  if you can't be with the one you love... love the one your with.
Much Love and good luck finding what you seek
LadyC
[/quot

Well stated Lady Cimarron. Many are searching for the "right one", yet haven't figured out they need to be "the right one" first. Then like attracts like....


_____________________________

Proud and devoted collared servant of D~

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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 8:17:37 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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Honestly, I think you'll always find more men than women interested when your screen name has the word "whore" in it. But maybe that's just me ...

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 8:18:39 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

The truly blessed few find the "right one" if such such a thing really exists.

It does & I did. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 12/31/2009 8:42:07 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
OK here goes. I'll be the brutally honest one regarding my experience with transitional M2F.

I have found that many (note I did not say all I said many) are far more focused on themselves and what they are wearing over true service.

For example I had been talking with someone when I lived in Cali. They were in SD for the weekend and had been begging for an opportunity to serve. So I decided to see what would happen.

1. Wouldn't do dishes because she had just had her nails done

2. Wouldn't scrub the floor because she didn't want to get her maid's uniform messy.

3. All that work was causing her to sweat and her makeup would run.

4. Came to "serve" in a maid's outfit, full  makeup and 6 inch heels.

After 30 minutes of continuous whining about what she wouldn't/couldn't do I asked her to follow me and showed her the door.

I've tried several times and I simply find that many are far too focused on their needs as opposed to mine. I have little interest in "Do me" subs.

I prefer "Do for me" subs.

Aside from which... I'm a cuckoldress. I'm not going to be able to marry and cuckold a M2F trans is pretty much the bottom line for me.

I'm not trying to be harsh here Ivorywhore. I'm simply explaining why I personally am not interested.


_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 5:50:47 AM   
theGuideGoddess


Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Happy New Year one and all!
 
As with those who have posted before me, I can only speak for myself.  It seems clearly obvious to me that most WOMEN are not interested in owning a whore.  It is definitely true for me.  So first off I would have to say your name is likely to repel most.  However if that is you true wish and desire then leave it as it is. 
 
I don’t care either way if a slave / submissive is T.  But then again…I am not here for the kinky sex.
 
I do have a T friend serving me now for 5 months and at times it feels like I am serving her.  It is at those times when I rein her in.  While she is not quite as obsessed about her appearance or messing it up as the one SDFemDom4cuck spoke of, she is often off in her own little world.  I have had to remind her that I NEVER want her to look like a man at first and as she is pre-op there are certain garments which are conducive of this and therefore not allowed.  In many ways she is in heaven with me for the truth is that she is happy to have someone (especially a woman) who will accept her as she is.
 
OP:  I did read your profile.  Frankly I wouldn’t contact you as you honestly (thank you for being honest) are in this for you and not for what you have to offer another.  It is likely that that repels the balance of those women who might be interested in a T girl.
 
Naturally we are all in this for some personal self serving reason.  The line between attractive and unattractive comes in where we show what we have to offer above and beyond that which we desire.  In order for most relationships to be workable there has to be a win / win quality involved.  How will someone win with you??
 
The Guiding Goddess

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 6:07:03 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theGuideGoddess


Happy New Year one and all!
 
As with those who have posted before me, I can only speak for myself.  It seems clearly obvious to me that most WOMEN are not interested in owning a whore.  It is definitely true for me.  So first off I would have to say your name is likely to repel most.  However if that is you true wish and desire then leave it as it is. 
 
I don’t care either way if a slave / submissive is T.  But then again…I am not here for the kinky sex.
 
I do have a T friend serving me now for 5 months and at times it feels like I am serving her.  It is at those times when I rein her in.  While she is not quite as obsessed about her appearance or messing it up as the one SDFemDom4cuck spoke of, she is often off in her own little world.  I have had to remind her that I NEVER want her to look like a man at first and as she is pre-op there are certain garments which are conducive of this and therefore not allowed.  In many ways she is in heaven with me for the truth is that she is happy to have someone (especially a woman) who will accept her as she is.
 
OP:  I did read your profile.  Frankly I wouldn’t contact you as you honestly (thank you for being honest) are in this for you and not for what you have to offer another.  It is likely that that repels the balance of those women who might be interested in a T girl.
 
Naturally we are all in this for some personal self serving reason.  The line between attractive and unattractive comes in where we show what we have to offer above and beyond that which we desire.  In order for most relationships to be workable there has to be a win / win quality involved.  How will someone win with you??
 
The Guiding Goddess



Excellent point. The ideal situation seems to be one in that the D wins by being served, the s wins by serving and both are thriving in what comes naturally to them.

Service rocks!


_____________________________

Proud and devoted collared servant of D~

(in reply to theGuideGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 6:41:20 AM   
CherokeeRose2


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline
The reason that men are contacting you is because the image that you're putting out is basically what men find attractive because it's THEIR fantasy. If you want to attract women, your image needs some revamping, and you need to start understanding what a woman really wants. If you're really looking for a Dominant for a relationship, she's going to be far more concerned about her needs getting met than enabling you to live out your fantasies.

Your profile indicates that you don't know many other TG's - get involved with your local TS/TG support group and your local BDSM organizations. Get to know others who are in successful relationships, and find the pattern as to why those relationships work.  

On the whole, make sure you're a balanced person who functions in the real world. Can you walk down the street without drawing attention to yourself? Do you have a decent job/career/education? Are you able to maintain good relationships with friends and family? Do you have interests outside of kink?  The "FDA factor" is important to a lot of women - Focus, Drive, Ambition - at something OTHER than your future boob size.

I'm bisexual, own a 24/7 female slave, and would not consider a TS/TG/CD for service. In my experience, what is put out by these individuals is more of an overplayed, overdone characature of a woman that I find somewhat insulting and decidedly a turn off. The things that I find attractive about a real woman are totally lost in translation, because it's more of the surface that's being focused on - overdone wardrobe, unnatural high pitched voice, hissy fits, an excuse to be weak or otherwise not accomplished or capable of meeting high expectations, inability to dig in and do real work, inability to exist except in a very small vacuum of time, location, and circumstance.

< Message edited by CherokeeRose2 -- 1/1/2010 6:58:30 AM >

(in reply to Underumam)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 6:47:45 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvoryWhore
Why is it that every Mistress out there either want's a manly man, a house boy, is a pro-domme, or just want's other females? I know I fall into a niche that men like, but why can't there be ONE Mistress out there who want's someone like me? Every, and I mean EVERY tgirl like myself-MtF-who I have talked with that has been looking for a Mistress as well has come up with zero. <snippage>


I am a submissive, but I have some answers and some ideas for you. First, I've dated both MTF and FTM, and had several others as friends. In general, all of the transgendered community folk that I have met have a LOT of psychological baggage that they struggle with throughout their lives. Some people will avoid transgendered folk simply because they are unwilling or unable to support the emotional and psychological needs.

This is certainly not to say that some of the T-folk don't have their heads screwed on straight and are models of strength and self-integration, but certainly the perceived image in the LGBT community that I've seen has been the stereotype of T-folk as psychological trainwrecks. There's also some hostility among some gays and lesbians that T-folk as well as bisexuals are "betraying queers everywhere", which is weird and unfair on many levels (I get this because I am bi).

Next, when I read your profile, your pics look fairly good, however, you are affecting a very young goth/emo kind of a look, and at 27 you're a little old for that. I am guessing Clinton and Stacy would suggest you go to a more age-appropriate and less "frightening people away" kind of wardrobe (See their episode with Goth Misti). Consider whether your look is saying "I am approachable" or "stay the fuck away from me". A lot of your pics also give that very young, careless and sloppy vibe. Present yourself at your best, and that may mean saving a few pennies and going to Glamor Shots or even the Sears photo department and get pics made that show you looking cool and put-together.

Reading onwards in your profile, I clearly get the idea that you're not looking for a mistress or a dominant, but rather it sounds as if you are looking for someone to underwrite your transition. This is asking a lot from someone. If a woman is interested in sissy males, being at this stage in the transformation might attract them, but maybe they don't want to deal with the completed transformed package. Or if someone wanted a female, and there's still male anatomy, that could be a big turn off. And once again, the transition itself is intensive in terms of emotional and psychological effort for the person transitioning - how much of YOU will you have available to put into being someone's sub while you are transitioning?

I think the biggest issue here is not that you are transgender. You make it clear you haven't got a reasonable job, you want someone to bankroll your transition, and your fantasies are all focused on your transformation and not kink.  I would suggest REALLY thinking hard about this. The problem isn't that you are transgendered, it's that you are a huge fixer-upper project, and not everyone wants to be involved in that. Once you have a relationship established, it may very well be that a prospective partner will be moved to assist you with the transition. But don't let your first impression be you with your hand out hoping someone will pay for your transition.

My suggestions for the profile would be to remove all your fantasy stuff about how you hope you will look and the big boobs. Don't be asking people to help bank roll the transition. Do be honest about where you are in the transition, but that shouldn't be the focus of the profile. You might say, "I'm pre-surgical and at the transition stage of taking female hormones now" and leave it at that. Also, nowhere in your profile do you say what service you hope to provide to a dominant. What exactly do you envision your relationship being? What kinds of things do you do when you are not fantasizing about getting big tits?

Last point to address is that by saying you are "Actively Seeking Dominant Women, Dominant Men, Submissive Women, Submissive Men, Switch Women, Switch Men, Dominant Trans, Submissive Trans, Dom/Domme Couples, Sub/Sub Couples, Femdom Couples, Male-Dom Couples, Friends Only, Online Romance, Roommates, Joining a Poly Household" you are saying "I am desperate and I just want SOMEONE NOW". THe "need rays" are rolling off of you there.  I suspect that you meant this to indicate that you'd welcome friendships with anyone. Instead, pare down the list to what you want -- that you are ACTIVELY SEEKING A DOMINANT WOMAN. Somewhere in the text of your profile, you can mention that you welconme friendships from anyone.

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 10:28:44 AM   
IvoryWhore


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/10/2009
Status: offline
@ LadyPact:   Preferences are fine. I’m not asking all of you to want us, just one for me.   @ SolangeRichards:   “If you are talking about someone who enters your life and fulfills your needs while you do likewise for them, do you really think this is as easy as tossing up a profile on a sex site?  Do you really?”   I don’t ever recall me ever saying this. Where did you see that?   @ LadyCimarron:   Thanks. I AM enjoying the ‘hunt,’ but some real life experience would do me good. I’m not looking for the person who completes me, just someone who can train me and I can get along with. That’s it.   @ SDFemDom4cuck:   All of us subs/slaves are not out to be service providers. Some of us just want it to be sexual. If you find yourself someone who will do all the chores for you, more power to you. But that’s not me.   Everyone wants someone else to do things for them and not give in return. Good luck finding that person who will.   @ SweetDommes:   Don’t take the handle so seriously. Some of us were just being fun with it.   @ theGuideGoddess:   “How will someone win with you??”   That goes for everybody, not just me.   @ CherokeeRose2:   “On the whole, make sure you're a balanced person who functions in the real world. Can you walk down the street without drawing attention to yourself? Do you have a decent job/career/education? Are you able to maintain good relationships with friends and family? Do you have interests outside of kink?  The "FDA factor" is important to a lot of women - Focus, Drive, Ambition - at something OTHER than your future boob size.”   Of course I know it’s more than sex and boob size. Yes I am a pretty ‘normal’ person outside of kink, and my life is pretty balanced. I do have real friendships and relationships, have goals, am a straight A student, and hold down a job. But, this IS a kink site, so what did you expect?   And there are lots of ts/tv/tg caricatures out there, but I am not one of them. This isn’t about theatrics, it’s real life. I don’t dress according to what I think men like, I dress according to what I think I look best in. My makeup is very basic, so I don’t know how I could be overdoing it, if you think I am.   @ Drifa:   There are stereotypes for every type of person. I like to think most people can look beyond those, but I’m probably wrong.   I’m not trying to be goth, and certainly not emo. That’s kids crap.   Um…I don’t look ‘cool and put-together?’   “you want someone to bankroll your transition”   Um…no. I know nobody out there is that generous, even the most willing sugar-daddy. All I'm doing is saying if anyone out there is generous enough to make a donation, I would be very appreciative. I'm not saying or asking to pay for my transition. I'm just stating that I'm open for help if anybody wants to.   “I suspect that you meant this to indicate that you'd welcome friendships with anyone.”   Exactly.

(in reply to Drifa)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 10:39:36 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvoryWhore
this IS a kink site, so what did you expect? 

Hold the phone, Joan.  Since it's a kink site, you can talk about kink last, or not at all when first getting to know someone.  You know for certain that the woman you're talking to is purty sick'n'twisted, if she's willing to keep an active profile on this site despite the grody emails she receives.  She must be looking for something that's hard to find on eHarmony.  So you know she's kinky.  Take it to the bank.

So find out about the stuff you don't know.  The nilla stuff.  The dorky stuff.  Maybe allow her to signal when it's ok for sex and kink to enter the conversation.  Then ease into it slowly.

Try it.  You might like it.  Run a test.  No discussion of kink, only nilla, for three emails.  See if that changes your results any.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
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RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 10:49:42 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
I'm basing this statement from reading a good number of threads around here in the past.

There are a number of folks who frequent this board (Myself included) that are turned off by screen names that are based on a particular kink, fetish, or come across as highly sexual in nature.  So, while you may be having 'fun' with your screen name, OP, also keep in mind that it might be working against you for your target audience.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 10:52:53 AM   
BreathandStone


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/26/2009
Status: offline
There may be reasons other than your gender that make it hard for you to find people.  I'm aware of a few dommes in my area who wouldn't have a problem dating trans women.  Granted, this is Boston, so the proportion may be higher, but I think that my point stands regardless.  I suspect, however, that you're limiting yourself pretty significantly by asking for donations of money and...other things.  (Crass side: doesn't estrogen make breasts grow on their own?  And aren't implants more viable than getting breast tissue donations?)  Looking for friends in your profile is definitely a plus, from where I stand, but the degree that you focus on what other people can give you would make me nervous. 


_____________________________

formerly strangedesire

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 10:57:10 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
I would not be interested for the following reasons.

The profile is too focused on kink.

The profile is almost 100% focused on what you want done for you, not what you have to offer a potential mistress.

The examples you have given for your dream you, are almost all women that have been surgically enhanced beyond what I find appealing. I prefer a natural woman's body, not huge plastic breasts and overly done faces.

I am not, nor have I ever been attracted to the whole goth thing, especially not a trashy sloppy version.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Mistresses, what's the deal? - 1/1/2010 10:58:25 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

**** SDFemDom4cuck: All of us subs/slaves are not out to be service providers. Some of us just want it to be sexual. If you find yourself someone who will do all the chores for you, more power to you. But that’s not me. Everyone wants someone else to do things for them and not give in return. Good luck finding that person who will.


Again..you missed my point. I wasn't and have never looked for this. It is what they were offering or claiming to be in regards to a service slave. Perhaps if you read again what I wrote especially the last line where I stated I am a Cuckoldress and therefore a M2F trans would not work in that situation.


_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to IvoryWhore)
Profile   Post #: 20
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