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RE: A new dom - 1/3/2010 3:19:25 AM

allthatjaz

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I think the only time I was ever touched with submission was from reading 'The Cruel Master' sort of books. It was something to do with the words that were used that triggered something in me. I think they tend to be very D/s orientated and they certainly let my imagination run riot.
When I looked out for someone to dominate me I was looking for the sort of subtleties I had previously read in these books, though I have only become conscious of that more recently. All I seemed to come across were men that appeared to be play acting a part and who were not consistent in there domination skills (There was always too much roaring going on). Perhaps I expected too much or perhaps I am too much of a realist but for me domination had to resemble something very similar to those books that I had lost myself in some years before. It needed to be sweetly subtle and I think that some of those books have captured that perfectly.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 1/3/2010 3:20:54 AM >

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RE: A new dom - 1/3/2010 3:37:16 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
It needed to be sweetly subtle and I think that some of those books have captured that perfectly.

Oh I wasn't disagreeing with that. Just that it's also captured in the stories where the guy isn't a cruel master but firmly and unquestionably in charge. I think the closest I got to a cruel master story was one about a nobleman who claimed first night's privilege out of his desire for a particular woman. It was very good...

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RE: A new dom - 1/4/2010 8:23:41 PM

ceebee

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Perhaps instead of thinking of yourself as a Dom at this stage, you'd be better off finding a playmate to play "top" and "bottom" with. Let go of the notion you have to be in control of everything or something, and experiment with different techniques. Talk to the bottom and find out what works, what doesn't. Once you honed the finer arts, then consider moving on to a dom/sub relationship, where you expect, and get, more of an emotional connection to your sub and can begin to work in more of the subtle nuances.

As others have said- ask questions, ask for advice, read everything you can put your paws on- remembering to take what strikes a chord with you and leave the rest ( my kink is not your kink, the only "right" way is what works for the people involved). In addition to this lovely piece of cyber heaven, leathernroses has some excellent articles, and "Different Loving" -available at Barnes and Nobles everywhere is a wonderful read.

And for heavens sake, puh-lease do no go about about calling yourself SuperMasterLord of all creatures subbie. At best you'll look foolish, and at worst you'll risk ending up with a newbie in the throes of sub frenzy, a situation that will be ultimately damaging to both of you.

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RE: A new dom - 1/4/2010 8:26:46 PM

osf

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i used to be a dom but now im confused

i'm going through a sexual identity definition crises

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RE: A new dom - 1/5/2010 8:40:42 AM

realtime62

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ceebee

Perhaps instead of thinking of yourself as a Dom at this stage, you'd be better off finding a playmate to play "top" and "bottom" with. Let go of the notion you have to be in control of everything or something, and experiment with different techniques. Talk to the bottom and find out what works, what doesn't. Once you honed the finer arts, then consider moving on to a dom/sub relationship, where you expect, and get, more of an emotional connection to your sub and can begin to work in more of the subtle nuances.

As others have said- ask questions, ask for advice, read everything you can put your paws on- remembering to take what strikes a chord with you and leave the rest ( my kink is not your kink, the only "right" way is what works for the people involved). In addition to this lovely piece of cyber heaven, leathernroses has some excellent articles, and "Different Loving" -available at Barnes and Nobles everywhere is a wonderful read.

And for heavens sake, puh-lease do no go about about calling yourself SuperMasterLord of all creatures subbie. At best you'll look foolish, and at worst you'll risk ending up with a newbie in the throes of sub frenzy, a situation that will be ultimately damaging to both of you.

Thanks Ceebee, I think that's great advice. One thing that made me uncomfortable when registering with this site is just declaring myself a Dom in the profile, with no experience to back it up. Seemed a little like putting the cart before the ponygirl.

< Message edited by realtime62 -- 1/5/2010 8:42:03 AM >

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RE: A new dom - 1/5/2010 10:58:20 AM

littleone35

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It is not the fact that you are inexperienced that would be a no go for me it is your age. I would have a great deal of trouble submitting to somone 19 years my junior. You are however making a ood start admitting you don't know everything and willing to learn. In the profile they have you put a label, a label is just that a label.

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RE: A new dom - 1/5/2010 8:03:06 PM

delicatelywound

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IT is not always about experience. If you are a natural dom as stated earlier follow your instincts. Talk to your sub and explore what makes both of you happy and satified. If you come across a term or situation ask the question and find out what it is how it works and trying something new and finding out you don't like it is what the open communication in the lifestyle is all about. Many subs will let you know in many ways what they like and need. just be patient and listen with ear, eyes, heart and mind.

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RE: A new dom - 1/5/2010 9:07:01 PM

alittleevil

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

This is interesting. I find that I'm really comfortable with the mental/emotional aspects of control -- this will sound geeky as hell, but I ran D&D campaigns for close to twenty years (started playing when I was 11), and I find it's very easy to map the emotional experience of being a D&D Dungeon Master to the limited experience I have with being a Dom/Top. Running a D&D game is all about balancing being in charge with being aware of other's thoughts, needs, feelings and desires. (snipped )

Wow, interesting! I've spent a lot of my adult life surrounded by gamers. Toppish and/or dominant gamers/ DM's and i never considered this. But thinking about it, you're right. Cool connection. :-)

quote:

My lack of experience is entirely in the practical aspects. I've never tied anyone up, not in a real sense (I'm assuming scarves tied to the headboard don't really count), nor have I ever flogged anyone. As osf said though, that ought to be the easy part. The hard part I've already got down.

Yes, the basic physical stuff is relatively easy. I can do it--quite well even. But dominance?? I wouldn't even know where to start.

Peace,
aj (geek-by-association)

edited for typo

< Message edited by alittleevil -- 1/5/2010 9:08:09 PM >

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RE: A new dom - 1/5/2010 10:06:39 PM

ForeverOwned

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With the exception of books, movies, etc, my Owner hadn't any real time experience when we started. He had the heart, soul and desire for it and wanted it more than anything else. i think that is a major requirement.

You might want to try your local munch. Everyone there is willing to share and there is always someone there who loves to tell you all they know and usually have the respect of the group. That's what my Owner did.

He had a well respected Master take him under his wing, and they went slowly and He learned and eventually he became the man he is today.

It takes time. You can't learn everything in a couple of weeks. Good luck to you.

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RE: A new dom - 1/6/2010 2:50:33 AM

fadedshadow

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everyone has to start somewhere

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RE: A new dom - 1/6/2010 9:27:48 AM

joether

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quote:

ORIGINAL: realtime62

Hi

I've only recently realized that I have a concrete interest in a d/s lifestyle (as a dom), and I'd love to hear from some subs whether a dom being inexperienced is a definite no go.

I'm not expecting anyone to just sign their life away to me, but I would love to meet some people to chat about their lifestyle, explore whether we connect, and find out whether it fulfills me, and I don't want to lie about my newness. My fear is that the idea of an inexperienced/dom is almost a contradiction in terms.

Thanks for the feedback

RT

Unlike alot of others, giving you great advise, my first relationship with a Domme was in High School. She was about my age, and we just did stuff together. Neither one of us knew anything about BDSM. So yeah, we fucked up on things. And that is what you will do, but, keep an open mind to things. If you can, find a group in the area.

When my Domme and myself went to a munch, we were the 'kids' of the group. I think the others got a geniune smile, watching us do things in the dungeon. Yes, sometimes, the 'old geezers' would step in, and give us pointers on things, but, most of the time, they just let us learn the hard way. Which was good. I was fortunate looking back, in that, all those people, were highly educated and knowledgable on things in BDSM. It simply blew my mind that, beyond porn, people REALLY had the same feelings I did.

Every once in a while, she and I kid about those moments (we aren't together). The crazy things we did.

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