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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 4:45:49 AM

wisdomtogive

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quote:

but exhibiting control and grace in public is certainly up there.

alittleevil, you said that perfectly. I love it.

Yes i did feel a lot better, and today i feel great:)

Thank you for posting

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 4:47:57 AM

wisdomtogive

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Psychonaut23

I Will give you credit for being honest and straight forward. There are submissives that I am sure would crave that. Best of luck.

wisdom

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 4:52:55 AM

wisdomtogive

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Hi Lady and thank you for responding.

Actually no, no one did this to me. If they did be it on line or in person they would had seen the red in my eyes. I just seriously have seen Doms disrespecting submissives in a general way, and took a stand yesterday through a rant. Some believe that because they call themselves a dom it gives them the right. I have a name for those types, but it not necessary to use it.

blessings,
wisdomtogive

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 4:58:33 AM

wisdomtogive

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Hi allthatjaz
Yes, i have too notice this is an on-line thing verses the real world. The doms I have been with would have kick these doms in the balls if they act that way in person.

It never happen to me, i just see it here from time to time since i started under oceanwynds. I had enough and ranted. Any fool on line or off would here from me up front and personal. It is not wise to see the red in my eyes.

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 5:15:33 AM

wisdomtogive

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I just wanted to add why seeing this ignorant behavior here on cm or even in chat rooms got my wrath. To me it comes with the same bigoted ignorance as those who call Jews derogatory names or any group for that matter. i cannot tolerate this type of ignorance. Many times i will overlook it, but eventually my nature is to speak out on it. Ignorance brews ignorance and if a new Dom comes to the chatrooms or cm boards and sees this behavior display,they will be aware that is plan ignorance. Technically most should know this, but entering BDSM for the first time, they might through there logic out the window, thinking these types of doms are the only way. Young minds, don't matter the age, are like putty and impressionable.

wisdomtogive

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 9:30:13 AM

lovingpet

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~FR~

Maybe there is a general double standard on the issue of respect within the "community" as a whole. Maybe not. What I do know is that this isn't MY reality. My partner expected to earn my respect and even refused terms of respect or fluffy emotional words from me for a long time. Those words have meaning and depth to him and he doesn't take their use lightly. If I were to use a word such as "master" or "love" his expectation is that I understood what that meant to him at that point and he had earn the privelege of those words from me. I was to say them when I meant them and use them as an agreement that he was worthy to be called such.

He has NEVER disrespected me in any way. He only began using "derogatory" terms for me when he knew I wouldn't be damaged by them. He also didn't use them in the generic. I wasn't "a" slut, etc. I was "HIS" slut. There's a big difference. He has taken exception to those who did not treat me respectfully. He has blantantly defended me when I have snapped an out of line dominant back into place. I am valued and of worth to him. Consequently, I will be treated as though I have value and worth by others unless they are willing to accept his reprisal.

Only a foolish person ever demands respect from whom he has not earned it. Such ridiculous ranting and pontificating would be an indication to me that there was no room in his life for me. I will go the other way happy to have averted disaster.

lovingpet

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 9:52:34 AM

wisdomtogive

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Thank you lovingpet and yes totally agree.

i cherish being Sir's..............what have you, because those are words of endearment to me. There is something 'kingly' i guess to me about a Dom who has the know how to show their dominance in a knowledgable and graceful way. At least for me this has been a must.

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 11:58:51 AM

kushiels

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

~FR~

Maybe there is a general double standard on the issue of respect within the "community" as a whole. Maybe not. What I do know is that this isn't MY reality. My partner expected to earn my respect and even refused terms of respect or fluffy emotional words from me for a long time. Those words have meaning and depth to him and he doesn't take their use lightly. If I were to use a word such as "master" or "love" his expectation is that I understood what that meant to him at that point and he had earn the privelege of those words from me. I was to say them when I meant them and use them as an agreement that he was worthy to be called such.

He has NEVER disrespected me in any way. He only began using "derogatory" terms for me when he knew I wouldn't be damaged by them. He also didn't use them in the generic. I wasn't "a" slut, etc. I was "HIS" slut. There's a big difference. He has taken exception to those who did not treat me respectfully. He has blantantly defended me when I have snapped an out of line dominant back into place. I am valued and of worth to him. Consequently, I will be treated as though I have value and worth by others unless they are willing to accept his reprisal.

Only a foolish person ever demands respect from whom he has not earned it. Such ridiculous ranting and pontificating would be an indication to me that there was no room in his life for me. I will go the other way happy to have averted disaster.

lovingpet

beautifully put, lovingpet. i am also not expected to submit to anyone except my wife. Show courtesy, yes, to everyone--sub or Dom/me, but Mine would be displeased with me indeed if I allowed myself, that which is hers, to be disrespected or mistreated in any way.

I agree that the introductory name calling does seem to be more of an online thing. I simply can't comprehend how/why any men expect this to work in any fashion. I will say that I've never in a r/l setting experienced anyone in the bdsm scene who thought it was okay to treat anothers' property (or an unowned sub) disrespectfully, and in the circles I've been in, a dominant would have been out on their ass if they tried.

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 12:34:45 PM

lovingpet

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I am expected to comport myself properly, like you, but the gloves come off from him or me the moment ANYONE shows disrespect for what is his. This has gotten to be a little sticky actually because I find it having more impact on my family circle than it does within the walls of any bdsm club. A lot of people have been surprised when I have hardlined them about their treatment or opinion of me. Slowly there is emerging a newfound sense of respect for me in my own family that didn't exist before. It had put me in a lot of difficult situations and some of them downright unpleasant, but the results are astounding and well worth what I have endured.

He is far more quick to defend me than I am him. It is not my place, or so I've been told, so it is so. In his absence and where he has been unable to defend himself, I have stepped up on occasion. I allowed him to finish the job, but I didn't allow ill intended talk go uncontended. He has more than once stepped in on my behalf in some ugly situations. It gets me all swooney when he does that stuff!

lovingpet

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/7/2010 4:27:15 PM

newsubgirl21

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thank you wisdomtogive. I have had Doms write me in chatrooms (in a pm) and say something like hello slut. and i tell them. i believe that is rude and i dont wish to talk to you. if they keep talking to me. then i hit the ignore button. there is no reason to deal with someone like that. there are so many more people online. it is disrespectful to start a conversation with hi slut or hi bitch. Its not ok to call people you dont even know names.I mean to you want to be called a name back?

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/14/2010 6:47:59 PM

masterlink65

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there is a difference between being dominant and being abusive. calling you a cunt or a bitch is being abusive, not being dominant.

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/14/2010 6:52:02 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

there is a difference between being dominant and being abusive. calling you a cunt or a bitch is being abusive, not being dominant.

is it abusive if the laugh? I called my girls a bitches all the time.... and more times than not they laugh.....

maybe I am too sweet and sensual to be abusive?

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/15/2010 7:10:26 AM

masterlink65

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i was responding to the OP. do you meet someone and immediately start calling them names? good way to get a punch right in the cocksucker. in my opinioin

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