pixieunleashed
Posts: 105
Joined: 7/11/2004 Status: offline
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I had a similar dilema when I was comming into my own regarding this life and dealing with people publically with it. My first Master was one that didn't want any response from his sub while he was whipping her etc. My first scene, he told me of these rules, and we proceeded. I did my best to remain quiet, all while the soft leather floggers were hurting me. I maintained that very well till he brought out the buggy whip. I took two of those quietly and after that I started whimpering. He proceeded, I started whineing. This continued till I wound up breaking my right wrist restraint in an angry effort to reach behind myself take that whip and hit him with it a couple of times. After the restraint broke, I quickly remembered who and where I was and that I asked for this experience, so I grabbed the chain that was holding it and tried to pretend nothing happened, which worked till we were finished and he went to unclip me. I finished the scene with a minimum amount of whimpering, and as he was unclipping me, he looked up from his position at my ankles and called me a "fu**ing pansy". A name which I still hold onto this day. I am not a good sub for taking a beating with any grace. And now when a new Dom wants to play with me, I tell them, "I am a pansy" right out in front. If you hit me hard enough, I will scream. I have not learned the value of taking a beating yet and that has brought some emotional conflict with myself. I perceive that all subs can "take a beating" and that I am just weird, or...horror of horrors, that I was never a sub to begin with. " A wannabe!" *gasps* My fears and self-degradatoin regarding this topic have been dispelled the more I go to public parties and actually see how other subs "take their beatings" I am not the only one that whimpers with pain, and I find that wonderful. I agree that there is a certain beauty in the ideal of watching a sub take a single tail whipping with no sounds from her, as the whip marks her skin. Wonderful idea. If I ever see that I am going to be so AMAZED and in AWE of that sub I probably won't be able to think about anything else for a few days. Back in the real world though, I remind myself it is OK for me to be how I am. The person I am playing with wants to play with ME and nothing about how someone else does has anything to do with how I am. If they are not having fun, they know how to stop it. thanks for reading this, have a great day, pixie
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**please note that I realize that I am just as full of crap as everybody else, feel free to remind me anytime** If you understand it.......you've missed the point. [image]http://img33.exs.cx/img33/2424/pixieunleashed-2.jpg[/image]
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