quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i dont want your attention ( very unnarcissistic, please no attention) and i don't want any advice

quote:

i will do my part to not "harangue" you....but i would argue that im posting on the forum posts that i wish to, just as you are. You just dont like what i have to say.....right backatcha.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

LP... I don't care for the local community. I have been to a few events. I stopped going. That doesn't make me dangerous.

So I suppose it works both ways. If someone insists on involvement in the community, it would disqualify her as well as me.

On the other hand..... I may be a dick, but I am a non threatening dick..:)


Jeff

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't know you nor did i mention names

well i've said enough for now

i'll wait to see if there are others

enjoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

LP... I don't care for the local community. I have been to a few events. I stopped going. That doesn't make me dangerous.

So I suppose it works both ways. If someone insists on involvement in the community, it would disqualify her as well as me.

On the other hand..... I may be a dick, but I am a non threatening dick..:)


Jeff

While you may not care for the local community (which is somewhat debatable), there's a difference in not being interested in public BDSM and being anti social.  I'm looking at it from the perspective of and from do people look at a person's skills (or lack of) in the ability to have and maintain friendships.  I tend to think that how a person conducts themselves in their interactions with others tells a great deal about them.

Someone who can not establish or maintain good friendships is often a warning sign for potential issues.  I don't see that in you.  Correct Me if I am wrong, but didn't I very recently notice that you had a post on the upcoming events section specifically about getting together and having a drink with some folks?  That's a lot different than anti-social behavior.

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ORIGINAL: osf

i really don't mind being alone, just stop the attacks

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

has any one been harrased by other members of cm in threads they have started or contributed too

tos, As with the rest of the Forum, it is asked that participants refrain from insults, flames, and generally offensive behavior.

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

The community seems to be able to self police on its own....ive seen men who talk like he does end up being frozen out of whatever club, simply because everyone found him to be not a viable candidate for friendship or relationship. im fairly certain that this is what may have happened to him in his local community and now hes bitter and typing away at home....c'est la vie.

I was thinking this very same thing.  I wonder how many s types ever look at this particular trait, the evidence of not being active in the local community, and see it as a potential reason to have additional thoughts regarding safety.

idk, LP...i was kind of "born" in a dungeon, so i tend to see public play as a hobby and use the community as a vehicle to making friends. i feel like i have to look you in the eye in order to get a read on whether or not i trust you enough to let you hit me (you, in the generic....You can hit me tomorrow and ill supply the toys)

However, back home, i had one partner who simply refused to circulate within the public community and continues to play privately to this day...he has his reasons and to him, they make sense. Hes got more subs than time and is a reliable session...great guy all around. i highly recommend him to this day with the caveat that if im ever in town, whoever it is thats with him at the moment needs to step off so i can hop on....hes a peach.

But hes really the only one ive met who is sincerely just not interested in the "community"....and not just harping cuz he wasnt successful in the community.

He never complained about my involvement in munches or my groups, simply declined to accompany me.

It did, however, take me a long time comparitively to decide that i could trust him, as he wasnt known by my other friends or acquaintances. He did have stellar references which he provided immediatly and those girls were very happy to recommend him, and in person, as i am today. If i couldnt vet him, i wouldnt have played with him.

He just happened to use the internet as his vehicle to create relationships, as opposed to the community.

In answer to your point, i dont think everyone necessarily "needs" to participate in order to be vetted....but the underlying reason they dont participate needs to be looked at.....

For new people....especially women, i strongly recommend becoming involved with people who are active in the community....i know what my gut instincts tell me for myself, but i have seen far too many women hurt by not being able to read their own or ignoring it.

I did address part of this in My answer to Jefff.  It isn't so much the play I'm thinking of in this train of thought.  Granted, I do tend to think that one of the best ways to see how someone plays is to watch them play with someone else.  Are they a good top?  Are they ensuring the bottom's safety?  How is their accuracy?  There's a lot you can base on the 'see for yourself' theory before it happens to be your body that is the one finding out.

Yes, there are some fabulous tops out there who have no desire to be out there playing publicly.  At the same time, you also mentioned the fact that your friend had good references.  I think that's something different than not having social interactions in life where nobody can recommend someone.  I'd definitely be concerned if dealing with someone who couldn't even produce some character references.  Then again, I'm more the type that realizes that some folks just really are abusive types and use the flag of BDSM to justify their patterns.  They always seem to be the ones that don't want to 'put their past dynamics' out there.  Sometimes, that's just code for no past D or s would have anything good to say about them.

Oh, and don't worry about bringing the toys, other than those that are single person use.  I promise that I have quite the inventory of floggers, tails, and darn near anything else you can dream of. 

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ORIGINAL: osf

i've said what i have to say now i'm done here

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

No. I have never felt harassed at all. If indeed I did feel that way, I would know that I had more than likely done something to bring it on and rectify my own behaviour. OR..........I would do what any sane, intelligent person would do and turn the fuckin computer OFF.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

[
While you may not care for the local community (which is somewhat debatable), there's a difference in not being interested in public BDSM and being anti social.  I'm looking at it from the perspective of and from do people look at a person's skills (or lack of) in the ability to have and maintain friendships.  I tend to think that how a person conducts themselves in their interactions with others tells a great deal about them.

Someone who can not establish or maintain good friendships is often a warning sign for potential issues. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i really don't mind being alone, just stop the attacks

Then stop looking for them.............voila!!!!!!!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
i'm not especially thin skinned but there comes a point when it's no longer welcome

i have been called everything from too old by a woman in her 50's to dangerous, you just have to look in this thread to see that

after awhile you'd think adults would tire of such juvenile behavior

just my 2 cents

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Pencils in the illustrious LP....perhaps she could travel east and hit Thunder this summer??....

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy
I've never been into the local scene, have played publicly once twice and I'm figuring it's just not my thing.  The most social thing I've done around BDSM was attending a CaliBirthday.  That doesn't mean I'm anti-social and unable to maintain relationships.