Humiliation, what does it mean to you?

Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (Full Version)

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Crake -> Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 1:22:43 AM)
One submissive's humiliation is another submissive's turn on. I am interested in hearing from female submissives about things you find humiliating and whether or not you "like" to be humiliated and why. Sometimes a sub's profile says she dislikes humiliation, yet other things she likes or is curious about (leashes, objectification, obedience training, drinking piss, etc.) would be considered by many to be humiliating. What makes some things humiliating and not others? For those who enjoy humiliation, what makes it enjoyable? Is it arousal? knowing you are doing it in submission? something else? Any insight from those who do not enjoy it, used to tolerate it but stopped? what changed? Are there any situations that you are aroused by that you could also find degrading or does your arousal or some other factor make you feel that you are actually lifted up rather than degraded? Thanks in advance for your response, Crake

Elisabella -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 5:14:37 AM)
I think that not only is humiliation in the eye of the beholder, but intent matters as well. To take your examples, if those things were being done with the intent to humiliate or embarrass someone the scene would have an entirely different feel than, say, wearing a collar because it makes you feel more owned, or drinking urine as a display of devotion, or being objectified because it makes you feel beautiful. Personally I'm not into humiliation at all. I am into power play but not status difference - if I feel at all like I'm being looked down on or mocked or that he was doing something to intentionally make me feel bad it would lose all the fun. There are a lot of reasons why humiliation is a hard limit for me but in general they boil down to the fact that I need to know that my partner adores and cherishes me. I can't understand 'humiliation play' where people say things they don't really mean, I think that if you're able to come up with it and say it convincingly then at least a small part of you believes it. And I don't want to be with someone who thinks it's okay to belittle me just because we have different types of interaction with each other.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 6:31:04 AM)
It's very hard for me to be humiliated. What makes an action humiliating is the value i associate with that action in my mind. If i see it as "less" or "dirty" or whatever, then yes, it can be humiliating. But for me, i don't associate any value with action - i simply perform the action being asked of me, with little or no thought about it. Or if i do associate a value, it is generally a positive one, because i'm doing as i'm told and it is what he wants from me, so that is a good thing, right? No matter what i'm doing or having done to me. i tend to be very functional as a slave, i wouldn't call it a service orientation necessarily, it is more a sense of knowing what i am, what he wants from me, and fulfilling that need for him without a lot of emotion of my own getting in the way. And i am in the same place with Elisabella, i tend to be drawn to the men that care for and cherish me (even with a bit of "Daddy Dom"), and while humiliation play may enter into the dynamic, it's never been about dragging me down or making me feel really bad about myself, the viewpoint being that if i am treated as a valuable piece of property, then i will serve him just that much better. Hope this helps, julie

badlilthang -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 7:19:28 AM)
the deepest humiliation for me personally - would be to be lied to. BDSM wise it has changed throughout the years. Limits has changed - my views expanded...still - i am not bi - so for me it would be very humilating to have to "play" with another girl. Even having to serve a Domme is a hard limit for me...i have good Domme friends i have the utmost respect for - female submissive friends and we hug and kiss, of course - but that is more due to love and friendship. ( If/when i enter a new relationship with a Dom/Master - i am honest from day one about me being straight - and if it is a stright requirement from Him that i do girl/girl - i bow out. If the Dom is too interesting - and i really want to get to know Him better - i might stay in conversation - smiles - even meet...this is also a way to see how much He cares for me in all of this - or if it is "all about Him". To me a Master/slave relationship should be about respect - love - honesty and honor...if i know He truly cares about me as a human being even though i am His property - there's a bigger chance i will stretch myself even further for Him.) As UniqueRaven says - if it is asked of her - she will do it. This is of course if she is in a healthy and loving relationship with her One. If a Master demands something from His slave that He knows will be damaging to her well being - mentally or physically - i dare to say He is not a Master - nor a Dom...but hiding His abusive nature under such titles. quiet little thought added - i wonder why so many Doms seems to think that submissive means bi....i am as straight as they come...L...

DesFIP -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 9:35:06 AM)
From what most people say, erotic humiliation comes when someone is conflicted about their sexuality. Thus being forced to do or to admit that they like something they believe they should not find erotic but do is where the pleasure comes in. If you aren't conflicted about your sexuality, then being degraded is not erotic but instead strikes at your self worth.

osf -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 10:17:29 AM)
most of them find it humiliating when you demand all the money they made whoring for you

osf -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 10:19:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven It's very hard for me to be humiliated. What makes an action humiliating is the value i associate with that action in my mind. If i see it as "less" or "dirty" or whatever, then yes, it can be humiliating. But for me, i don't associate any value with action - i simply perform the action being asked of me, with little or no thought about it. Or if i do associate a value, it is generally a positive one, because i'm doing as i'm told and it is what he wants from me, so that is a good thing, right? No matter what i'm doing or having done to me. i tend to be very functional as a slave, i wouldn't call it a service orientation necessarily, it is more a sense of knowing what i am, what he wants from me, and fulfilling that need for him without a lot of emotion of my own getting in the way. And i am in the same place with Elisabella, i tend to be drawn to the men that care for and cherish me (even with a bit of "Daddy Dom"), and while humiliation play may enter into the dynamic, it's never been about dragging me down or making me feel really bad about myself, the viewpoint being that if i am treated as a valuable piece of property, then i will serve him just that much better. Hope this helps, julie what you do should become less important as just doing it becomes more important

UniqueRaven -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 10:49:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven It's very hard for me to be humiliated. What makes an action humiliating is the value i associate with that action in my mind. If i see it as "less" or "dirty" or whatever, then yes, it can be humiliating. But for me, i don't associate any value with action - i simply perform the action being asked of me, with little or no thought about it. Or if i do associate a value, it is generally a positive one, because i'm doing as i'm told and it is what he wants from me, so that is a good thing, right? No matter what i'm doing or having done to me. i tend to be very functional as a slave, i wouldn't call it a service orientation necessarily, it is more a sense of knowing what i am, what he wants from me, and fulfilling that need for him without a lot of emotion of my own getting in the way. And i am in the same place with Elisabella, i tend to be drawn to the men that care for and cherish me (even with a bit of "Daddy Dom"), and while humiliation play may enter into the dynamic, it's never been about dragging me down or making me feel really bad about myself, the viewpoint being that if i am treated as a valuable piece of property, then i will serve him just that much better. Hope this helps, julie What you do should become less important as just doing it becomes more important Yes. It's like the Yoda quote i've had up on my journal for a while, and quoted in another thread somewhere - it's one of my favorites: "No! No different. Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned. No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." ~Master Yoda

alittleevil -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 11:28:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Crake One submissive's humiliation is another submissive's turn on. I am interested in hearing from female submissives about things you find humiliating and whether or not you "like" to be humiliated and why. Sometimes a sub's profile says she dislikes humiliation, yet other things she likes or is curious about (leashes, objectification, obedience training, drinking piss, etc.) would be considered by many to be humiliating. What makes some things humiliating and not others? For those who enjoy humiliation, what makes it enjoyable? Is it arousal? knowing you are doing it in submission? something else? Any insight from those who do not enjoy it, used to tolerate it but stopped? what changed? Are there any situations that you are aroused by that you could also find degrading or does your arousal or some other factor make you feel that you are actually lifted up rather than degraded? Thanks in advance for your response, Crake Hello, Humiliation is only entirely subjective, as you have noticed. Personally, i can find something distasteful but still not find it humiliating in any personal or erotic context. What i do is obey. Obedience=good. Therefore, like UniqueRaven, it is hard for me to assign any obedient act a negative value. I can have erotic feelings associated with doing things that reinforce my position as slave, which are humility-inducing or humbling. I did used to have a kink for verbal abuse. As the feeling of myself as property solidified, VA became less erotic and now doesn't have much effect at all on me. Possibly it felt less transgressive after that point, i'd have to give that more thought. If Master were profoundly displeased with me and, for example, called me a worthless cunt, then i'd probably have to agree with him in that circumstance. If he just calls me that for no reason, well...ok. That's his prerogative. But i would not believe him, ergo it is not hurtful or humiliating, because, were i were actually worthless, he'd not keep me around. So the suspension of disbelief necessary for those words to be hurtful or humiliating simply isn't there. Now, if he went out of his way for an extended period of time to treat me as if i were worthless, then, eventually i am sure i would start to see myself as such but that would make his life much harder and is unlikely to happen. Edited to add the following, as an aside: I have done a lot of SM-y things that fall under the umbrella of "humiliation": caging, enemas, body worship, VA, etc. Some were erotic, to me, and some were not erotic in an of themselves, but fell under the larger umbrella of "things i do because Someone Else wants to" and submission itself was the gratifying act. Almost none of them actually made me feel humiliation. Mild embarrassment really seems to be about the best i can muster in those situations. Best, aj

osf -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/8/2010 12:30:21 PM)
quote: Yes. It's like the Yoda quote i've had up on my journal for a while, and quoted in another thread somewhere - it's one of my favorites: "No! No different. Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned. No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." ~Master Yoda makes me feel good knowing i'm as wise as a movie cartoon character

badlilthang -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/10/2010 12:01:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP From what most people say, erotic humiliation comes when someone is conflicted about their sexuality. Thus being forced to do or to admit that they like something they believe they should not find erotic but do is where the pleasure comes in. If you aren't conflicted about your sexuality, then being degraded is not erotic but instead strikes at your self worth. i have heard the same - erotic humiliation comes when someone is conflicted about their sexuality. i am not conflicted, though - about my sexuality. Other things i have experienced was talked about at length...my reaction was known - but the Master at the time (through 7 years) still did it after a very long, exhausting and intense scene - and it just felt right...He knew me well, though and could read me like an open book - so He did not really shock me or mentally mess me up (long story short: He told me to open my mouth and let His spit drip into it). Springing another girl on me - would most likely NOT have had the same effect...L...

Elisabella -> RE: Humiliation, what does it mean to you? (1/12/2010 2:35:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP From what most people say, erotic humiliation comes when someone is conflicted about their sexuality. Thus being forced to do or to admit that they like something they believe they should not find erotic but do is where the pleasure comes in. If you aren't conflicted about your sexuality, then being degraded is not erotic but instead strikes at your self worth. Hi Des, While I'm not saying that this isn't true for some people, it's not true for all of us. For me, I'm not very secure in my sexuality, I often wonder what is 'wrong' with me for having some types of fantasies, and so for me any type of degradation or humiliation just brings up those feelings - that having submissive fantasies makes me an inferior person. It's like, if someone called me a whore, I'd laugh. I know I'm not a whore. If he called me a slut though, I'd start thinking..."I haven't slept with that many people, but I did have casual sex a few times, and that is pretty slutty, oh my god he thinks I'm a slut!" And then I'd start feeling awful about myself and get over-sensitive to anything he'd say and my sexuality would go into hibernation because I didn't want to encourage anything slutty in myself. Basically for me, I can't do humiliation, because I'd be too inclined to believe it.

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