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sweetboundesire -> eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:15:23 PM)

this question is for any D/s relationship with strong s&m tendancies.
for me, some vanilla in a D/s relationship is needed. very much so. I want to see my Dominant is all encompassing in fulfilling my needs, submissive and sexual. I cannot divide that man in half. So I want to know for all you sub ladies out there how many of you get this desire fulfilled. For me, being eaten is very important. It means a lot. Its a compliment. Huge. I know it's a vanilla act. My Dominant wont do it and i am struggling with that. Ive tried in every submissive way to express it's importance to me. He can give it anyway and under any condition and I look and smell good. I'm not deformed. lol yet this is making me feel insecure because he won't go there. He says it's not part of our interaction. To quote: "As I've explained, the dynamic of D/s, for me, reveals itself in different ways sexually. We are not vanilla sexually. We are vanilla outside of the room." In every way else he pleases me but at this point i am very hurt. I don't know how to go on...for me it's not complete unless i get this sometimes...I don't feel cared for. Or appreciated. i don't think i'm asking for a lot...i'm so lost....so i just got to know if what i desire, beyond, whips and paddles and ropes is normal for anyone else.....



windchymes -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:20:12 PM)

This doesn't have anything to do with D/s, s&m, M/s or any other combination of letters.  Some men, vanilla and kinky, just don't like to eat pussy.  Your guy is using the D/s relationship as a cop out, a handy reason or a lame excuse. 

Eating pussy is NOT a "vanilla act".  Many d-types LOVE to eat pussy, as well as lots of d-type women love to suck cock.



Lockit -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:28:24 PM)

Be careful what you wish for... he may not be any good at it and cannot admit it.

In all seriousness... eating pussy is not a dominant or submissive act. It's simply eating a lil pussy! How another dominant handles their submissive is none of my business... unless that submissive is being harmed and comes forward asking for assistance. I do believe this is causing you emotional harm... not physical and you need to fully understand why you feel as you do. Then you need to talk with your dominant. If he puts you off and still won't go there... I wouldn't see it as a fault of your own... submissive or not... or anything other than... he doesn't want to do it for some reason even if it hurts your feelings.

As a dominant... I will suck a cock. No one is going to convince me that is a submissive act! lol

This is something the two of you will have to work out before it feeds into other area's. If he can't see that... well.. you have a bigger problem than getting him to please you and eat a lil pussy.



SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:29:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

This doesn't have anything to do with D/s, s&m, M/s or any other combination of letters.  Some men, vanilla and kinky, just don't like to eat pussy.  Your guy is using the D/s relationship as a cop out, a handy reason or a lame excuse. 

Eating pussy is NOT a "vanilla act".  Many d-types LOVE to eat pussy, as well as lots of d-type women love to suck cock.


You beat me to it...that is exactly what I thought as well. he just doesn't like it and is using D/s as a reason for not doing it.

OTOH he could also be trying to teach you that it isn't about what you want. While not the way I would go about it...it may be his. You've obviously discussed this with him and he refuses to bend. The choice is yours as to whether the rest of the relationship is sustainable to make up for this lack or not.



Aileen1968 -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:30:12 PM)

There is nothing at all vanilla about getting your pussy eaten while tied with your legs spread wide open in the piledriver.

I agree with windchymes...he's using d/s as a cop out.
There are many ways he can make it more "domly" if he needs to. Certain postions, biting the clit while he does it, slapping your clit, etc.



NihilusZero -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:31:47 PM)

Echoing windchymes. "Not a vanilla act" is kind of a ridiculous postulation and sounds like a convenient excuse for not doing it instead of just saying "I don't like performing cunnilingus and that's that." I, on the other hand, quite enjoy it.

Concerning your situation, however, I found this on your profile:

quote:

I love women and date them.


It seems to me that would cover getting your oral needs met on a sufficient basis, no? Or is the issue really about his inability to perform?



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:34:25 PM)

I'm wondering, since this is so obviously important to you, did you two discuss this before starting your relationship?



windchymes -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:35:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Echoing windchymes. "Not a vanilla act" is kind of a ridiculous postulation and sounds like a convenient excuse for not doing it instead of just saying "I don't like performing cunnilingus and that's that." I, on the other hand, quite enjoy it.

Concerning your situation, however, I found this on your profile:

quote:

I love women and date them.


It seems to me that would cover getting your oral needs met on a sufficient basis, no? Or is the issue really about his inability to perform?



Is "echoing" like points???  [:)]



Aileen1968 -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:36:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I'm wondering, since this is so obviously important to you, did you two discuss this before starting your relationship?


Do people really sit down and discuss this? I know I never have when starting a relationship.



sweetboundesire -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:36:34 PM)

thank you so much for your opinions, everyone.
yes i am beginning to believe he just doesn't like to do it...and it affects my self esteem! That sucks...doesn't matter if my girlfriends do it...he means so much to me that not doing it hurts, and i love to suck cock and his is awesome....and obviously he gets what he wants but for me, at least from what i understand, a Dominant should know how to please his submissive while still being Dominant. For me, I don't see it as it lowering himself to do this act, more so, it's pleasing me...I've even asked if there is a way i can earn it but at this point i feel mocked for my desire...ugh...so sad today...he told me early on back during our first few months together that if i was "really" good, it would be my greatest reward...now i just feel lied to and i'm pretty sad. I think he just doesn't like it and doesn't care it's important to me...dammit anyway![:-]



NihilusZero -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:37:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Do people really sit down and discuss this? I know I never have when starting a relationship.

I say, it's never too soon to discuss oral sex.

*nod*



NihilusZero -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:38:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Is "echoing" like points???  [:)]

Very well. 10 points. [:)]



osf -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:38:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

thank you so much for your opinions, everyone.
yes i am beginning to believe he just doesn't like to do it...and it affects my self esteem! That sucks...doesn't matter if my girlfriends do it...he means so much to me that not doing it hurts, and i love to suck cock and his is awesome....and obviously he gets what he wants but for me, at least from what i understand, a Dominant should know how to please his submissive while still being Dominant. For me, I don't see it as it lowering himself to do this act, more so, it's pleasing me...I've even asked if there is a way i can earn it but at this point i feel mocked for my desire...ugh...so sad today...he told me early on back during our first few months together that if i was "really" good, it would be my greatest reward...now i just feel lied to and i'm pretty sad. I think he just doesn't like it and doesn't care it's important to me...dammit anyway![:-]


your complaining your dominant wont do what you want?



windchymes -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:39:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Is "echoing" like points???  [:)]

Very well. 10 points. [:)]



Thanks!  I am honored! [:)]



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:40:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I'm wondering, since this is so obviously important to you, did you two discuss this before starting your relationship?


Do people really sit down and discuss this? I know I never have when starting a relationship.


If it were as important as it apparently is, I would make sure to be with a man who is going to do it. That would involve asking if he eats pussy. It wouldn't be the first question but the issue would certainly be raised early on, yes.



windchymes -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:43:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

thank you so much for your opinions, everyone.
yes i am beginning to believe he just doesn't like to do it...and it affects my self esteem! That sucks...doesn't matter if my girlfriends do it...he means so much to me that not doing it hurts, and i love to suck cock and his is awesome....and obviously he gets what he wants but for me, at least from what i understand, a Dominant should know how to please his submissive while still being Dominant. For me, I don't see it as it lowering himself to do this act, more so, it's pleasing me...I've even asked if there is a way i can earn it but at this point i feel mocked for my desire...ugh...so sad today...he told me early on back during our first few months together that if i was "really" good, it would be my greatest reward...now i just feel lied to and i'm pretty sad. I think he just doesn't like it and doesn't care it's important to me...dammit anyway![:-]


your complaining your dominant wont do what you want?


Yes, we do do that.  And then we discuss the issue with him.  And then we decide if his response is one we want to continue living with, and thankfully, in the healthy relationships I've had, it has been....if it's not, we re-consider the relationship and may even move on.  C'est la vie.  YMMV.



NihilusZero -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:43:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

thank you so much for your opinions, everyone.
yes i am beginning to believe he just doesn't like to do it...and it affects my self esteem! That sucks...doesn't matter if my girlfriends do it...he means so much to me that not doing it hurts, and i love to suck cock and his is awesome....and obviously he gets what he wants but for me, at least from what i understand, a Dominant should know how to please his submissive while still being Dominant. For me, I don't see it as it lowering himself to do this act, more so, it's pleasing me...I've even asked if there is a way i can earn it but at this point i feel mocked for my desire...ugh...so sad today...he told me early on back during our first few months together that if i was "really" good, it would be my greatest reward...now i just feel lied to and i'm pretty sad. I think he just doesn't like it and doesn't care it's important to me...dammit anyway![:-]

Alright, let me be painfully honest here.

From reading your profile, it appears you are still in a state where you are under the presumption that D/s is a conglomeration of universal expectations and rites upon which relationships are based. Your words indicate a newness/naivete to the fact that the dynamic is a personal incarnation, not some intangible enigma. There is no "a Dominant should know". There is simply your self-awareness of what you seek and your honest assessment of whether a partner is able to give that to you.

Now, I wonder how much of this preoccupation with what D/s is "supposed to be" hasn't come from your first D-type in this new relationship style...because he's clearly using that leverage to keep you in line. And, frankly, it makes functional sense since you appear to be a young and attractive submissive and he's probably aware that if he simply said "I don't wanna, no matter how much you want it!", you probably wouldn't have much difficulty finding handfuls of other prospective D-types telling you how okay they'd be with going down on you.



Politesub53 -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:44:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I'm wondering, since this is so obviously important to you, did you two discuss this before starting your relationship?


I was asked this and replied "No way, I am not eating that under any circumstances" 

Oh wait.....That was when she asked if I ate cabbage... [8D]



Lucylastic -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:50:14 PM)

Vanilla or not, D or s, M or S or any other variation of such. It for me would be a breaking point, totally. No question, I could not have a relationship without it and would not persue one hoping to "change" the circumstances.
Things happen in relationships that change the sexual circumstances but to go into a relationship without thepossibility of being eaten, I would rather be single.
Seriously.




sweetboundesire -> RE: eating pussy (1/8/2010 4:51:42 PM)

NihilusZero,
I like a clear understanding. I believe being a Dominant means making things "very clear". I was told something then another. I was lead to believe it was attainable. Now I find out late in the game, it's not. it's not only important to me but I feel lied to. He wasn't clear, he wasn't honest. If i would have known eating pussy was not a part of our dynamic, I cannot fully say i would still be his submissive.



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