choices

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osf -> choices (1/11/2010 9:41:06 AM)
assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice? this is an edit to make more clear what i meant, the first can create the structure you crave the second cant

sirsholly -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 9:42:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice? neither is compatible. I would walk away from both

Meliai -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 9:44:48 AM)
Neither. No one should settle. Ever.

Kimveri -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 9:47:08 AM)
I'd explain my stance on both issues, see which was most willing to work toward mutual benefit/satisfaction & move forward from there. ~K

LillyoftheVally -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:03:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice? Why would you have to choose either? Like Kimveri I would explain how I felt but if no one was willing to change then I wouldn't bother

osf -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:09:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally quote: ORIGINAL: osf assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice? Why would you have to choose either? Like Kimveri I would explain how I felt but if no one was willing to change then I wouldn't bother quote: Why would you have to choose either? Like Kimveri I would explain how I felt but if no one was willing to change then I wouldn't bother maybe because you can't have everything you want in one person so where do you surrender and where do you not and why

Kimveri -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:12:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf maybe because you can't have everything you want in one person so where do you surrender and where do you not and why Then discussing the conflict with each person will show where the best point of "surrender" may be, for me, for them, for the goals of each. Compromise doesn't "have to" always come from the bottom. o,O Sometimes, that sort of thing comes from the top...as an example of how to resolve conflict.... [8\|]

lucylucy -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:13:20 AM)
The first, definitely. If he has the force of character that I connect with, his kinks will become mine.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:14:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf maybe because you can't have everything you want in one person so where do you surrender and where do you not and why So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence? I know that sometimes people settle for whatever reason, but not everyone chooses too, I wouldn't personally want to settle for something as vastly different as your OP implies

osf -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:22:06 AM)
quote: So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence? no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you you might as well go nilla with kink

LillyoftheVally -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:27:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence? no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you you might as well go nilla with kink Compromise is common in most relationships yes, but you have given a straight choice between all or nothing in two different areas, how often does that happen in life? I have been with people who do not match up to my ideals in either category in the past but the difference is that there have been strong elements in both areas that do match me. If someone was the total opposite to what I wanted from 'kink' or what I wanted as a human being it would be less about settling for the best I can get than settling for something that would inevitably make both people unhappy, I would rather be alone.

sexisubi -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:43:54 AM)
I would choose neither! neither seem compatible with me because neither can truly give me what i want. why settle get the real deal or nothing at all.

osf -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:47:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexisubi I would choose neither! neither seem compatible with me because neither can truly give me what i want. why settle get the real deal or nothing at all. i guess it depends on which qualities you seek in a dominant, and what price your willing to pay add this to the mix, why do you want a dominant anyway?

sirsholly -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:11:04 AM)
quote: maybe because you can't have everything you want in one person so where do you surrender and where do you not and why There is no perfect person, but there is a perfect person for me. Your OP indicates a submissive will choose the lesser of two evils, and that is ridiculous.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:22:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf add this to the mix, why do you want a dominant anyway? I can't help you are making a comment about what you think submissives should be without actually coming out and saying it, that they should put up with anything simply because the person is dominant. Thing is a lot of people do not simply submit for the sake of it, they are inspired to submit due to the person, the fact that someone wants to be with someone who matches their ideals does not mean they are not submissive, it is almost as though you think a submissive should be glad for anything. That is not how it works for me. Being submissive doesn't mean that suddenly preference goes out of the window, yes submissives will submit to things that they do not enjoy of course but that isn't what the OP is about, it is about two things being out of whack. To answer the above I don't look for people based on oriantation I look for people based on compatibility, I am happiest when I feel able to submit but not all dominants make me feel that way, indeed most do not. That doesn't mean I do not enjoy submitting it simply means I am like many other people who have to tick certain boxes to feel a certain way.

WestBaySlave -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:35:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice? Given those choices, force of character, always. Kink isn't my driving force as a submissive, and if a man was dominant in a way I responded to, I could live happily in an otherwise "vanilla" relationship. However, that being said, the following statements apply to me quite well, too: quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally Thing is a lot of people do not simply submit for the sake of it, they are inspired to submit due to the person. [...] To answer the above I don't look for people based on oriantation I look for people based on compatibility, I am happiest when I feel able to submit but not all dominants make me feel that way, indeed most do not. That doesn't mean I do not enjoy submitting it simply means I am like many other people who have to tick certain boxes to feel a certain way.

osf -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:37:17 AM)
if thats your answer then it's your answer i'm not trying to direct your answer i'm just trying to get answers

sirsholly -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:38:23 AM)
quote: I can't help you are making a comment about what you think submissives should be without actually coming out and saying it, that they should put up with anything simply because the person is dominant. Thing is a lot of people do not simply submit for the sake of it, they are inspired to submit due to the person, Osf, i think Lilly nailed things pretty well. I definitely get the impression you feel a Dom chooses a submissive and that is all there is...the submissive has no right to reject a Dom. If so, it is laughable.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:38:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice? this is an edit to make more clear what i meant, the first can create the structure you crave the second cant I would go with neither. I would keep on looking because neither is compatible with me.....I need both the "force of character" AND the compatible kink. I found Someone like that before, and it can happen again.....and IS worth waiting for. [:D]

osf -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 11:40:54 AM)
i don't think anybody submits to anybody they desire to submit then find a person that will actualize that desire i do think sometimes they don't fully understand what they really need in another person to me that's part of the dynamic, her uncertainty and his determination mileage may vary

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