Sub drop: how do you deal?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Sub drop: how do you deal?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Sub drop: how do you deal?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 11:35:23 AM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

this weekend was a hard one for me because i had several instances where i went into a subdrop which without question made me very moody/irritable and over emotional. both were different as one was caused by an external force and the other was caused by an internal force. i started to read a bit more on the matter because i was curious about why i was so upset or frustrated about being interrupted. i was actually offended by an article i read when i was trying to understand what i was going through, http://www.seekers.org.uk/Sub%20Drop.htm , comparing subs to children and that only the Dom can get a submissive out of a sub drop... even though some of my symptoms of a sub drop were included in the article (some were a bit far fetched but im sure could happen in extreme circumstances) , the ways to fix it for me weren't there at all.

(Friday:) when it was external the high from D/s for me was ruined! the emotional roll a coaster it was like a person addicted to nicotine only getting drags of a cigarette for a week finally getting a pack, smoking a few, and then someone stepping on it not understanding what they had done and you not telling them they did it. and i became slightly passive aggressive towards that one person who ruined this hight for me, but humorously (good thing cause they didnt know! it wasnt their fault it just upset me because i couldnt play hard i still had to deal with light play.)

(Saturday:) the interal force was harder it was like someone stepping on my heart every negative emotion you could think of just rushing through me all at the same time. which caused me to be very emotional (lots of crying) and my Dom was sweet, he tried very hard to bring me back to the high. it sucked! wanting to hurt yourself wanting to hurt the other person as you were hurt wanting to just cry because both would be irrational, and trying to rationalize everything but couldnt because you were in such a negative state. him being too drunk to talk me being too angry to talk. i did what any normal person would do. i just went to sleep.

(Sunday:) so here i am still made at the roommate (his brother) for ruining play now mad at my Dom for ruining play. so many negative things going on in my head. my Dom was already awake when i woke up and we talked (dropping out of the D/s and just loving each other and explaining everything and even though i didnt feel 100% it helped.) the brother was harder because i cant just talk to him he doesnt know about our D/s stuff. but i could feel that i was still being passive aggressive, not meaning to, and this time certainly not as light heatedly... (still probably not mean or anything but... still not something i would ever do to anyone personally)

the way i dealt: i took some time for myself and no one else with no one else. i deep cleaned (i mean rocked out) the bathroom and organized the tv area, this is just my personal therapy because i needed to get out of the story and look at the picture i needed to get my mind off of things before looking at things again in a positive light.

in the artical it said that the Dom gets the submissive out of it but in my case my Dom didnt really get me out of it because the issue and emotions were from me... i hope that i have developed this thread for the following question to make sense... this is new to me i didnt even know Dom drop/sub drop existed until now.

my question for other subs:

how do you personally deal with sub drop?

is it something that only your Dom can get you out of or is there activities you do that get out of it?

Doms..

how do you personally deal with Dom drop?

is your submissive the only that can get you out of it?

thank you in advance for your responses =)

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 11:41:34 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I find drop goes away pretty fast so I don't really 'do' anything, the most important thing is recognizing it for what it is rather than running to the doctors for anti-depressants. As it causes different things I do different things, course it is a great excuse for chocolate, if it is casual play (which it often is) I have a great group of mates I ring to cry to/bitch at etc, if its from a relationship I will normally be in touch with the partner at the time. Its very dependent on the situation.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to sexisubi)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 12:09:08 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

For me, drop is a bit of hairy thing at this point because by the time it sets in, I am not physically with my partner. I get very melancholy and in need of physical contact. Talking with my partner by phone (preferred) or online (usually) helps a lot with the emotional side. For the rest, I sleep it off cuddled in lots of blankets and pillows. My husband is vaguely familiar with what is going on and certainly doesn't mind me snuggling up in his lap or even crying on his shoulder if I want.

The other side of it is very different. Mixed in with all the lower emotions and such, I also feel very soft, calm, and light. Those negatives I feel are not at all chaotic or upsetting in and of themselves. It is more the difference between grief and nostalgia. It is not hard and bitter. It is warm and wistful. I have a lot more tolerance for the craziness of my household, silliness of the saplings, and social situations. I am usually a lot more approachable and get simple pleasures more readily.

I am anxious to see how thing change after the move and we are together full time. I imagine it will change the experience somewhat, but hopefully make it more comfortable and easier to transition through. I am sure some will still remain as a lot of this is organic in nature. I think some of the emotional upheaval is directly linked, however, to being separated.

Please be good to yourself through this time. Rest. Eat nutritiously and often. Be sure you are getting fluids (especially water). Connect with your partner and friends who can understand what you are experiencing. Dark chocolate (in moderation of course) tends to help some as well. Keep an eye on things and make sure you aren't actually experiencing an exasterbation of a mental health condition such as depression. If your play unearth any kind of trauma or other negative, you may need more help and guidance processing those things as well. My partner and I still revisit several of our times together over a year later because there is a lot of internal processing and shifts in perspectives and emotional responses that occurs. If it's any consolation, you will be feeling better soon. Play safe and take good care!

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 1:55:49 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

i guess another question id like to add is

what is your sub drop like? what is it like before you hit sub drop?

because for me before i drop its like...

we live 24/7 but lightly so not everyone will catch on. when we have nights alone we can play hard and get like a high like a subspace if you will. just full of a cloud of passion and wanting to please and letting it take control of me and just moving with whatever... whether its sexual or not sexual and more a D/s command. it just makes me feel amazing! when interrupted thats when my subdrop occurs. not really a depression its more like... coming down, relaxing, i was just pumped full of endorphins and now i have to force them to stop because something has interrupted it.

< Message edited by sexisubi -- 1/11/2010 1:56:49 PM >

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to sexisubi)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 2:23:51 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I am usually very warm, floaty, and not quite together in my head, but in a good way. I can be scatterbrained. I am cuddly and maybe even a bit giddy.

I've not experienced a disrupted scene, but I have heard others describe it and it is more like a crash that occurs. You are basically ripped out of your happy place by whatever it is that has happened and you don't get to come back down to earth slowly and naturally. Drop will occur for many regardless, but the crash means that some of the normal rebalancing that happens right at first doesn't get to happen and adds a hard edge to the drop. I have heard of folks being deeply emotional (usually because they were in the middle of processing through some stuff even though it wasn't a conscious effort), headachy, feeling like they are halfway between hungover and still drunk, and much more. It is a rough thing to go through from all I have heard. I doubt anyone plans for it to be that way, but life just throws a curve on occasion and we are left with basically a disrupted process. I know it will probably happen at some point, but I am glad to have not had to experience this so far.

It is like anytime something has to come to a screeching halt at the wrong time. It is disruptive and can really mess up a lot things. I hope you can just ride it out knowing that it isn't uncommon to feel this way and that others have had such situations occur to them as well. Still follow all the taking care of yourself I mentioned earlier, but do be patient with yourself and your partner as this is a harder ride than normal.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to sexisubi)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 2:44:01 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

thanks lovingpet :)

ill remember that it has been bumpy and i just want to get over it, cause its still not exactly gone, its only dormant and now im extra sensitive and i feel silly for being that way but for some reason it just wont go away!

ill do some things you mentioned and hope that it eases the mind.

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to lovingpet)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 5:01:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Food, sleep, orgasms, permitting yourself to be weepy and cry. On his shoulder or into a pillow. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and take care of yourself. And of course, tons of communication.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sexisubi)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 5:16:18 PM

babygurlangel

Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline

The best way I found to deal with it is to take time to cuddle and talk. The cuddling makes the hard edge go away at least it does for me.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/11/2010 5:48:49 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I deal with it by talking to him, letting him know how I'm feeling and what I need. I then go through the motions of life for a couple of days until the chemicals in my body readjust themselves and keeping in contact with him.

(in reply to babygurlangel)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/14/2010 11:35:06 AM

submale1203

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline

I agree with most of the others. Cuddling with her or even just a good hug for a minute will usually help me to get out of my sub space and bring me back into reality. Occasionally, i do get moody especially if things ended abruptly due to family or outside influences. She can help bring me out of that with the threat of a good spanking later or I just remind myself that the family or work obligations are important in our lives as well.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/15/2010 2:41:31 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

Sub drop: how do you deal?

By avoiding play with Toppy types who've just been to the movies...

Buttered popcorn = slippery fingers = sub getting dropped.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to sexisubi)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/15/2010 8:16:13 AM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

Sub drop: how do you deal?

By avoiding play with Toppy types who've just been to the movies...

Buttered popcorn = slippery fingers = sub getting dropped.

lol clever :)

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/16/2010 2:44:17 PM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

I find I have only ever had a strong drop after prolonged and ultra-sensory play but that means I am not alone so cuddles and kisses can be administered if required (& stroking my hair)

if I have a smaller drop which is non-play orientated then the chances are Sir & I are away from each other & I have to cope with it. I snuggle up in a nice tight ball with george (my little dragon which he named). Sometimes I spray some of his scent on my pillow so I feel closer to him. Failing that I just have to put up and wait for it to pass

(in reply to sexisubi)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Sub drop: how do you deal? - 1/16/2010 5:49:54 PM

moondancerLA

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

Sub drop is a normal physiological response to all the hormones and endorphins running through your body. It can even happen when you're playing vanilla! The first thing I do is to try and make enough time to allow for snuggling and cuddling after the scene. Of course real life sometimes gets in the way... Usually Master will bring me something to drink and then we just cuddle up in bed and talk or even doze off (oops)!

(in reply to BoundDragon)

Profile

Post #: 14