Hunted.. part one (Full Version)

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impishlilhellcat -> Hunted.. part one (1/17/2010 7:05:13 AM)

He had been watching her for sometime now. Sitting, watching, waiting, observing. He had learned before that things such as these take time and patience. She wasn't like the others. He didn't observe an immediate need in her. She was aloof and a little cold. She ate her lunch alone with a book and rarely interacted with the others in their place of work. Other men approached her timidly and she turned them away with a polite rebuff. They had spoken briefly, but she probably didn't remember it. He liked to remain on the fringe. Playing and toying with his prey, but never really fully interacting. There was no point in drawing unnecessary attention to himself. It was hard for him to contain the excitement in him. He longed to hear her call him Master, to have her on her knees in front of him hands bound begging for him to stop and begging for more. He was a well practiced hunter. He would continue to hunt until the need was filled or he found the "one". He was just waiting for the right time to strike. He knew almost all her daily routines. The only thing he hadn't pegged down was her daily run. It was the one sporadic thing about her. When the time was right he would strike.

She felt she was being watched. It excited her and caused her fear both at the same time. She had noticed him before and was curious about him. She too was a well calculated person and had worked hard to conceal the curiosity she had about the dark brooding coworker with whom she had spoken briefly. He looked like the type to hold her up against the wall his one hand around her throat as his fingers and mouth explored every inch of her body. That excited her. There were alarms going off in her head to stay far away from him, but something deep down inside her was calling and enticing her to find out more.

Tonight was the night he could feel it in his bones. He watched and waited outside her house. This was it. She was doing her daily run at night. Up ahead was a trail that she would run. He anticipated her next moves and he put himself in place. Well concealed in the trees he waited. Any minute now he would hear her footsteps and then he would strike. Well timed.

She was on point tonight. She could feel the power in her legs as her feet hit the pavement. She could tell she was going to make good time on her run tonight. She liked the routine of her daily run. It was the same route, but it never got boring. She was in her zone. Her mind was wandering and letting go of the events of the day as her ipod blared the music with a good beat in her ear. Wait something was wrong. She could feel someone's hands wrapped in her ponytail. She struggled, she kicked, she tried to scream. His hand was over her mouth preventing any sound. She felt the needle in her skin as things started to go black....

She awoke in what appeared to be a small shack. She could hear him rustling around her. She was just starting to focus as he approached her. His "oh good now you're awake" startled her. She recognized that voice and she recognized that face. The twisted grin upon his face. His apparent glee at having caught her showed through. She had pegged him right he was just as twisted and evil as she had thought. The fear swelled inside her body. She tried to struggle against the restraints around her hands and feet. His evil laugh stopped her cold. She pleaded quietly, "Please let me go." He grabbed her roughly by her hair and dragged her outside of the shack. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the sun and tried to take in her surroundings. The shack was surrounded by thick dense woods. He shoved her up against a tree and pulled a knife from his belt. She felt her blood freeze. She looked him in the eyes and saw nothing that she could read. He cut the restraints from her hands and feet. He leaned closely to her ear and in his dark low growl he said, "If you make to the highway you're free, if I catch you before then you belong to me." With that he let her loose and turned and walked back into the shack. She stood against the tree for a moment and then she ran......


To be continued.......





jagdesclave -> RE: Hunted.. part one (1/18/2010 9:48:12 PM)

Definitely go on




KneelforAnne -> RE: Hunted.. part one (1/18/2010 9:54:06 PM)

Oh my...

*fans self*




masonerd -> RE: Hunted.. part one (1/21/2010 6:45:23 AM)

This is really well written.  I especially liked the 4th paragraph, where you controlled the tempo by using short, urgent sentences.  If I could make a suggestion, it might work well to namecheck the song that's playing on her iPod.  It could add crucial details quickly about the character, and in stories like this it helps to add all the details you can as quickly/inconspicuously as you can.  The objectification inherent in abduction is more striking if it's against the backdrop of a character for whom we have a good feel.  Plus, the interpolation of a lyric or two in the middle of a narrative can add more to the urgency/choppiness you're going for there.  It can also be a way to further emphasize the way the world decoheres for the abductee when she's captured.




d25 -> RE: Hunted.. part one (1/21/2010 6:49:30 AM)

hello how are you?




d25 -> RE: Hunted.. part one (1/21/2010 6:50:56 AM)

hello




virtualslave4u -> RE: Hunted.. part one (1/23/2010 6:21:25 PM)

Plz go on... very exciting plot!




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