|
kinkyfetishlife -> RE: roles (4/28/2010 9:22:36 PM)
|
I totally agree with allthatjaz. No switches is silly. People are complicated, they have many personalities rolled up in their personalities. I'm not always happy, I'm not always sad, I'm not always nice and I'm not always a prick. I'm a whole bunch of fucked up, thanks Mom and Dad, with a whole bunch of desires, joys and pleasures.
I could bottom without a problem, as someone said above, there are sexual activities that I enjoy, which would be considered submissive and with the right woman, I could probably be submissive, but not 24/7, just on Tuesdays, Thursdays and every other Saturday.
In a 24/7 relationship, I am Dominant, I know that from life experience, I really didn't make that decision one day, I decided that I wanted more of it. Even before I knew what "it" was. It is just how it is and always has been, there was never a reason to say, I'm your Dom, you are my sub, I rule, you obey. Now I need the full obvious dynamic. That's another issue, people change, they grow, they learn, they become more self aware.
I think the sexual stuff is really irrelevant as far as who is Dom and who is sub. It's just sex, feels good, we all love it.
The dynamic of the relationship is what I feel makes one person Dom and the other sub, not the sex, which is why I just love the top/bottom terms, they do fit in nicely to help with the confusion.
I wouldn't switch with someone I was in a relationship with, ok, now this week, you be in charge, that doesn't work in my mind, but for an hour in the bedroom, you be in charge, I don't consider that switching actually, but those that are just really set in the roles may. Like all of a sudden, you aren't her Dom anymore because last night, she saw what you did with that butt plug. HA! You're srewed now.
I do believe that switch is a real mindset because I could understand someone being Dom to one person and being sub to someone else, depending on the people involved, people feel differently towards different people and I think it makes even more sense for women. Obviously, not everyone, most may be Dom or sub and that's that, but it's not so hard to fathom that switches are real people and not a bunch of sex crazed players.
I think one of the main problems is that we try to put people in these roles and think that should be the end of it. Since when is that a rule of people in general, they are a flaky bunch, never know what they may or may not do at any given moment, they really don't fit well in boxes and especially when you are talking about people that are in this type of lifestyle, right there, that tells you that they are not the norm and don't care to be, but then we want them to be what we feel is the norm, you are this and you are that, we have two options, pick one, don't fuck with the labels or we will banish you to switch hell and say you are just here to get laid.
As for the Original post, he may have thought he could be Dom, 24/7 but it just didn't work for him so he tried to flip it. I would say you got played from the start but 6 years seems like a long time to keep up an act. Like someone else said, the real problem is that no one sat down and said what they really needed from the relationship to begin with. If you are Dom/sub/switch, whatever, being honest about it should avoid most of these types of issues.
Honesty is another issue, we all see that's it's an issue and because we are so aware of the fakes and liars, always on guard, we are quick to judge someone's motives.
Last thing, totally off topic. I find this capitalization issue annoying. Having to capitalize Dom, not capitalize sub, Master, slave, Me, you, Him, her, it's fucking tiresome.
Ok, I really went around the world there, no need to point that out, but Roles is a hot topic for me and I get into discussing it.
|
|
|
|
