She and I talked about her post... yes... and the fact that if she was going to post to try to get a meaningful opinion then she needed to tell the whole story.
The whole story according to who? You? Because that's not a realistic expectation. Between reading your post and hers, it looks like she did a reasonably good job of telling the whole story, but it's her interpretation of the situation. That's to be expected.
most times she and I are good (or I would have thought) other than when she is feeling very insecure...and the jealousy would hit full force.
Jealousy happens, that's life. It's usually a signal that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. The trick is to resolve the underlying issues so the jealousy doesn't return. It sounds like that isn't happening in this case. Sweeping a problem under the rug, or only making a token effort to resove it before returning to the old, unwelcome behavior isn't fixing the problem. That applies to all of you, not just her.
I should also tell you that she wasn't trying to say she had problems with me (or that is what was told to me when I said "you blasted the crap about me in that post") she was trying to say that she had problems with him and the way that he handles things...
I think you should let her speak for herself and STFU. It's not your place to speak for her. Chances are she only told you that because you bullied her into saying it. It sounds like she doesn't like confrontation and will do almost anything to avoid it, a fact you've undoubtedly exploited to your own advantage.
So you know we didn't wake her up at 3am. She happened to wake up and realize he wasn't in bed with her and got up and heard some things (like creaky floor boards... ) and sat here and got upset that he was in bed with me.
How do you know you didn't wake her? I sincerely doubt you're as quiet as you think you are. Maybe she's a light sleeper. I'm a very light sleeper, so I know that the smallest sound can wake someone up, even if it's people whispering two rooms away.
I made plans for my own days out of work...
Not that you don't have the right to make your own plans, but why didn't you mention it to both of them at the same time? At least then she would have had the information at the same time as your master.
I said to him "if you would like her to take a day out too so that you can have both your girls home on a day when there are no kids I am very okay with that."
Oh, so you deliberately told your master but not her. Once again, you prove you don't really care about her feelings. You could have avoided the situation if you'd included her in the plans, even if it was just telling her "By the way, I'm going to try to get these days off. If you can take them off too so we can all spend time together, that would be great." Instead, you left it up to your master to play the go-between so you wouldn't have to take the responsibility yourself.
Nobody told her she had to... he and I weren't making plans for her...
If you don't see how telling her on Tuesday that you're taking Thursday through Friday off and implying your master wants her to take off work on such short notice is inconsiderate or how she could interpret it as the two of you making plans without her or for her, then you're hopelessly naive. You could have told her when you put in the request for time off, but you didn't.
He and I had been talking for months about recaulking the bathroom many times in front of her... never once did she say "I would like to help"
Read the bolded part again and then try to claim you included her in those plans. I call bullshit. Talking about something in front of another person is not the same thing as including that person in the conversation. Did you ever ask what she thought? Did you ask her if she'd be willing to help? Did you even check to see if the day you'd planned for doing the job was convenient for her? I'm guessing the answer is no, yet you blame the entire situation on her insecurities? If I were in her place, I'd have either kicked your ass to the curb or walked out. The fact that she is still there, putting up with your crap after two years, is a testament to how much she really does want the relationship to work. You need to check yourself, because you are as much a part of the problem as anyone else. Maybe more.
She isn't telling you that the 3 of us have sat down on many occassions and talked this all through... and everything seems fine and poof right back to being jealous.
And how much of that is that is because *poof* you go right back to doing the same things that upset her? I guarantee it's 50 percent, at a minimum. It's obvious you don't take her feelings seriously and that you see her as the one who is creating the problem. You need to check yourself, because what I see is someone who is so selfish she thinks she can do no wrong and, therefore, doesn't need to take any responsibility for her faults. You are unbelievably arrogant if you think you haven't contributed to any problems the three of you have. Get a grip.
most times she ends up making me feel bad that I make more money or take days that she can't.
I get the impression you probably rub it in her face too. Gee, I can't imagine why she'd be resentful of it.
I am sorry that when I buy something for the house (or for them or him) that she takes it personally... she doesn't see that I assist in providing for the house... she just sees that she doesn't make as much money ...and that because I buy stuff for them or the house that I am doing something for him/the house that she can't.
That's exactly what you are doing. You may see it as being generous, but what you're doing is pointing out that you have more disposable income than she does. Why are you buying things for the house without consulting her? Why aren't the two of you -- or better yet, all three of you -- making the decision about what will be purchase and when, together? She supported herself and your master for four years, by herself. Now that you all live together, she should have more disposable income. Why doesn't she? Oh, that's right...she pays you rent that you clearly don't need, but she's the insecure one. Un-fucking-believable.
I sit and play mediator...
You shouldn't have to play mediator between the two of them. They're adults, it's up to them to resolve their issues.
she waited until almost a year into the relationship after the feelings were too strong to just toss me aside to say I don't want this... this isn't what I thought it would be.
The first year of a new relationship is the honeymoon phase. It's easy to overlook things that aren't working when you're in the thoes of New Relationship Energy (NRE). It's likely she didn't realize the relationship wasn't working for her any sooner. That's not really the point. The point is that when she did bring it up and say it isn't working, you and your master told her to suck it up instead of listening and trying to find a solution that would work for all of you. That's pretty sleazy.
As far as the poly (and very D/s) relationship and situation... I think I have a better understanding of what it is all about than she does. I have a better grasp of what he wants out of this relationship because this is how I was brought in, no vanilla time in the middle of the relationship, etc.
OMG, you are such an arrogant bitch. You have no idea what the previous relationship was like or why it worked. She's been his slave for 9 years, 5 of them as part of a poly relationship, yet you think after 2 years in your very first poly relationship you've got it all figured out? Astounding.
She thinks that a poly D/s relationship must be what she was brought into. She isn't open to anything else... and can't handle anything else.
She has every right to want what she knows works for her. It's true that she should be open to new things, but she still has a right to want what she wants and what will meet her emotional needs. It's up to you and your master to give it to her. If you don't, then the problems will never get resolved because her needs aren't being met.
Master firmly believes that if he was to "give her what she wants" it won't be any better with them...
That's some flawed logic if ever I read it. How does he know, if he hasn't tried? If her desires don't work for the current relationship, then it's up to all of you to figure out what the real need is and meet it. If she wants a certain type of structure to the relationship, then what is it about that structure that she needs? Is it a sense of security from knowing what is expected of her and what to expect from you and your master? If that's it, how can you meet that need in another way? Whatever is lacking, figure it out and fix it. She's telling you what's wrong, but it's clear neither you nor your master is listening.
If she doesn't want to maintain the poly relationship, then that's something she needs to figure out for herself. But if she's asking for something to make the relationship work for her -- and by extension, all of you -- then you and your master should try to give it to her. It's not unreasonable for her to expect her needs to be met, but it really sounds like your master isn't willing to give her what she's craving and trying so desperately to get. If that's the case, then he needs to man up and break it off with her instead of blaming her for causing problems because he's too lazy/selfish/whatever to tell her he doesn't want her. And it really does sound like he's trying to replace her with you, from what you've said. No one deserves such shoddy treatment.
*Edited for formatting
< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 3/14/2010 3:42:36 PM >
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
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