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wanting some help - 1/27/2010 3:10:46 AM

City

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/20/2010
Status: offline

I am new to the life style i feel that i am a switch but can anyone help me learn more about the lifestyle. and help me figure out what i am?

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 3:24:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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To be honest, the only person who's going to be able to determine how you identify is you. My suggestion is that you get out there and start exploring. Do some reading for background info and couple that with getting out to a munch to meet people that you can start doing things with.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 3:31:46 AM

City

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/20/2010
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i cant find anyone wanting to play here in my state and it sucks

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 3:45:58 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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If you don't know anything, don't know who you are, playing is not your first concern.

Google is your friend, start doing some searches for groups in your area. Also go to the otherside and look for others in your area, not just the fantasy dommes you've been looking at, and write them. Find out if there are groups in your area and get to know the people.

No one here is going to 'take pity on you' and offer some free play, if that is what you were hoping for. And no one here is going to do the work for you.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 3:47:07 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: City

i cant find anyone wanting to play here in my state and it sucks

Please note that LadyPact suggested that you meet people in the lifestyle, NOT that you go out and start playing immediately. Google "BDSM Iowa" for a start. First get to know people, then play with them if you click.

Or try dating vanillas and converting them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 3:49:03 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Part of your difficulty might be your age. You're going to have to specifically look for groups that permit 18 and up. (You're going to find that some are 21 and up.) It might mean some research to find a TNG munch, and some traveling, but if it's something that you really want, you'll put in the effort.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to City)

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 4:21:29 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: City

i cant find anyone wanting to play here in my state and it sucks

Please note that LadyPact suggested that you meet people in the lifestyle, NOT that you go out and start playing immediately. Google "BDSM Iowa" for a start. First get to know people, then play with them if you click.

Or try dating vanillas and converting them.

You faker Steven!!! He is in Indiana. So yeah City googling 'BDSM Iowa' won't help you much but if you substitute Indiana for Iowa........tadaaaaaaaaaa!!!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 4:23:25 AM

DarkSteven

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There's a difference?

Oops.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 6:30:24 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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Step #1: Join IndianaBDSM on Yahoogroups so you can hear about events. There are actually dozens of kinky groups around the state and big event called GLLA in late August. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/IndianaBDSM/?yguid=278425151

Step #2: Find a few groups within driving distance and start attending munches and workshops regularly.

Step #3: After you have gone for a few months, volunteer to help out at events like set up for guest speakers or clean up for pitch-in dinners or checking coats for a play party.

Step #4: After all of this, once you have become a bit known in the various communities and you have gotten to know a few people, then you start trying to connect for some casual play experiences with others. Don't limit yourself to a particular role or a type of person either because your goal was to help learn what you are, correct, CIty? If you can, don't limit based on gender/sex either. Everyone can teach you something. I would personally not include direct sexual contact during these learning scenes for health reasons and emotional reasons, too, while you are experimenting.

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RE: wanting some help - 1/27/2010 9:09:08 AM

AAkasha

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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: City

I am new to the life style i feel that i am a switch but can anyone help me learn more about the lifestyle. and help me figure out what i am?

A lot of people have given good advice about getting connected with other kinky people (to share ideas and learn about your kink, not necessarily to "play," which is part of what you seek also.)

I'll give one other piece of advice from personal experience: Date. Date vanillas! Do this to build confidence and develop your sixth sense. Introduce kinkiness, as appropriate, during the courting phases and foreplay. Experiment with open minded "normal" girls, using very tame things like light bondage, whimsical roleplay and dirty talk/sharing of fantasies. Do this for two reason:

1) You may find a kinky woman just by luck of the draw. It happens.
2) You can't go wrong by learning the ropes a little tiny bit at a time, even just messing around with blindfolds, experimenting with roleplay - all these things help build confidence and develop your ability to read your partner. It also gets you used to *communicating about kink* - before and after playtime.
3) By shutting yourself off and not dating, by waiting for "ms. kinky right," you begin to isolate yourself. Getting out of the dating game is a bad thing. Dating is a skill and courting is even more important - you can't let those things just fall by the wayside as you try to figure out where you can meet and get instantly-kinky satisfaction. Even when you find yourself in a room full of mindblowing kinky ladies, you still have to court one of them - and you can't do that by saying, "I'm kinky, wanna play?" -- well, you can in some situations, but at some point, your romancing skills (and your kissing, fondling, lovemaking skills) do come into play.

Kinky men who sit by the sidelines as life go by, and don't date, I find have a harder time being comfortable around women as they get older. It's just one more thing to overcome later in life if you start to isolate.

Akasha

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RE: wanting some help - 1/29/2010 7:57:30 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
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Hi.

Maybe try posting on the "switch" forum here.

I think it's really important to be honest and always tell potential partners your a switch so no one gets disappointed or deceived.

Hope this helps.

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Post #: 11

RE: wanting some help - 1/29/2010 8:03:26 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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My advice is pretty simple. Don't rush into anything. Take your time; find some people in the scene, like attending munches and finding groups. They're all over the place, so you'll be able to find something. I now live in Michigan, and I know for a fact that there's actually a club that caters to fetish stuff out here. Granted, I have no transportation right now, so I can't really attend anything, but the point is there are things everywhere, so you just have to start looking for them and then slowly integrate yourself into your local scene.

A long time ago, I first got involved by contacting an international organization that was located nowhere near where I live, and then just moved to where they were located once I realized I was serious about wanting to explore this lifestyle. Greatest decision I ever made. Learned back then that if you really want something, you sometimes have to actually make a move and find it.

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RE: wanting some help - 1/30/2010 4:57:54 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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Well, I'm a switch, but started out as a Domme for about 5 years before trying bottoming. I didn't submit to anyone until after I'd been doing BDSM for over 10 years - nobody drew that reaction from me. I've found that relationship dynamics are primarily between me and my partner. I'm currently a slave to my Master, and have a female submissive playpartner who I'm predominantly a top with, but we do have some D/s interaction as well. Who you are doesn't change, but how you respond to individuals does, and what you need from them will correspondingly shift. Taking classes and getting involved in the community is a good start, though.

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RE: wanting some help - 1/30/2010 6:53:45 PM

BoiJen

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Joined: 3/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: City

i cant find anyone wanting to play here in my state and it sucks

Poor City, I hate to inform you that you seem to have a case of the lazies. Indianapolis has a HUGE fetish scene with "newbie nights" and events of the like. You're just not looking.

boi

P.S. The lazies is defined as the biggest turn off for Dommes. I suggest you cure that with a big dose of motivation. You can find it at your local neighborhood "Get a Life" store.

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 1/30/2010 6:55:27 PM >

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RE: wanting some help - 1/31/2010 6:32:46 PM

Andalusite

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Or in any supermarket?