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from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 5:22:42 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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A take off on the 'how do you wish to be addressed thread' ;

At what point do you, as a dominant expect to be addressed as 'Master', 'Sir' 'Maam' or even 'Dr.' (for those who are) rather than by name from a potential submissive?

Is this something that evolves rather naturally or do you have a set standard you employ?

What are your views on a potential submissive who balks at the title when first directed to use it? Is she/he not 'submissive enough', not 'submissive to you' or just possibly not ready to take that next step with you?

And if someone is interested in exploring becoming collared by you (eventually), but does balk at the use of an honorific as just not being ready for that, what is your next step?

Ok, one more; Is it a sign of respect to the title, or just disrespect to you, if this happens relatively early in a d/s relationship?

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 5:44:57 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
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she will when she feels it's the right time

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 5:46:06 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
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and it only has real meaning when she feels it has meaning

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 6:01:10 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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As soon as she identifies herself as kajira or one who aspires to be kajira...

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 6:08:49 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

At what point do you, as a dominant expect to be addressed as 'Master', 'Sir' 'Maam' or even 'Dr.' (for those who are) rather than by name from a potential submissive?

Before I get anywhere near putting a collar on a girls neck, we'll discuss honorifics. I don't expect it on the first, second or even third contact. But if we're looking at becoming more then just chat buddies it's something I'll expect from from.

quote:

Is this something that evolves rather naturally or do you have a set standard you employ?

I employ a set standard in my home and with my girls.

quote:

What are your views on a potential submissive who balks at the title when first directed to use it?

Depends on the time and place we are at. If we're actually "scening, I'll slap her and put her in her place (depending on the scene). If it's in the dynamic of the relationship, I would punish her in an appropreate way.

quote:

And if someone is interested in exploring becoming collared by you (eventually), but does balk at the use of an honorific as just not being ready for that, what is your next step?

If she wishes to wear my collar then she'll do so by my rules. I set the standard, she follows it, it's that simple.

quote:

Is it a sign of respect to the title, or just disrespect to you, if this happens relatively early in a d/s relationship?

If this is going to happen at all then it's just a sign that we're not going to have a D/s relationship.

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 6:22:57 AM

soulfull

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Joined: 10/28/2004
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Does it matter what others think ?
Doesn't it only become important what others think when it becomes important to you?
Doesn't it only become important to you when any significant other has gained your respect?
Some people don't mind giving out titles whether warranted or not, nothing wrong with that either.

There really is no right or wrong way only your own way.

~Stay True To Yourself~

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 7:15:28 AM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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if it didn't matter AT ALL what other's opinions are...why have a forum?

I ask because I'm interested in learning what others think.

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 8:05:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
At what point do you, as a dominant expect to be addressed as 'Master', 'Sir' 'Maam' or even 'Dr.' (for those who are) rather than by name from a potential submissive?

When I have told them and they have agreed.

quote:

Is this something that evolves rather naturally or do you have a set standard you employ?

It can evolve naturally, but it's not ok for me to EXPECT it unless they've agreed to my authority on it.

quote:

What are your views on a potential submissive who balks at the title when first directed to use it? Is she/he not 'submissive enough', not 'submissive to you' or just possibly not ready to take that next step with you?

Not ready for that step, for whatever reason. Blaming the sub or putting her down is just a copout for whiny losers who don't actually know how to acquire authority.

quote:

And if someone is interested in exploring becoming collared by you (eventually), but does balk at the use of an honorific as just not being ready for that, what is your next step?

Talk about it. Find out the motivations and past quirks around it. Then see what time will tell.

quote:

Ok, one more; Is it a sign of respect to the title, or just disrespect to you, if this happens relatively early in a d/s relationship?

Neither- it's something that we enjoy whenever we enjoy it.

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 9:08:43 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

At what point do you, as a dominant expect to be addressed as 'Master', 'Sir' 'Maam' or even 'Dr.' (for those who are) rather than by name from a potential submissive?

I assume that if he or she is interested enough in me to serve me, he or she is interested enough to show respect. So, I expect "Ma'am" right from the moment he or she shows interest in service. I'm a little less strict with those who just want to play and I don't expect it from strangers. However, if I get it from a stranger, I do take note...I prefer those who are willing to show respect first. They usually understand that if they show respect, it's then on the shoulders of the person to whom they're refering to live up to it. This is my opinion, of course...and we all look for those who share our opinions.

quote:

Is this something that evolves rather naturally or do you have a set standard you employ?

For those I click with, it usually comes naturally to them. Most get the honorific wrong the first time, which doesn't bother me since a female who uses Master seems to confuse people. I usually only have to correct them once.

quote:

What are your views on a potential submissive who balks at the title when first directed to use it? Is she/he not 'submissive enough', not 'submissive to you' or just possibly not ready to take that next step with you?

They obviously don't click with me, so I don't make an issue of it. I wouldn't pursue a relationship with them.

quote:

And if someone is interested in exploring becoming collared by you (eventually), but does balk at the use of an honorific as just not being ready for that, what is your next step?

See previous question. If they balk, we're not a fit.

quote:

Ok, one more; Is it a sign of respect to the title, or just disrespect to you, if this happens relatively early in a d/s relationship?

It's a sign that they're not willing to give respect in order to get it back. However, most discerning subs/slaves won't try to submit to someone they don't respect, so by the time they are looking at someone for a relationship, they should have respect for the person and be more than willing to address them in whatever manner they wish.

Fire

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 2:15:55 PM

soulfull

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/28/2004
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~It only matters if it matters to Oneself~

whether it be about what others think or not

like I said no right or wrong and yes of course thats what we have the forums for to share just that our Opinions.

~Stay True To Self~

Only then can we be true to others.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: from friendship to formality.. - 3/25/2006 3:55:36 PM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

I chat quite frequently with someone who owns a commercial bdsm site that is quite well known internationally.

I had been taught by a previous owner to always use an honoric when speaking to anyone who identifies as a dominant (whether male or female). This man was highly insulted that I used that honorific. He set me straight, in no uncertain terms, that I was presuming a relationship between us that did not exist, and that he considered it the height of impertinence.

Now, I know that isn't really what this post started out to address. I guess I'm just making a point, that no submissive/slave should presume to call any dominant by an honorific unless they are invited to do so. -shrugs-

After having been invited to use an honorific, whether there is an actual close and real life relationship, most subs/slaves (in my own experience at least) would do so simply out of respect. That doesn't imply that they are owned or even wish to be owned by the dominant.

For me, if given the option of addressing someone by an honorific, it's just a polite thing to do. Again, doesn't mean that at any point that person is going to own or collar me. Everyone, thankfully, is very different or the world would be a very dull and colorless place to live in.

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