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QuirkyAnne -> RE: new and confused with dom/sub dynamic (2/3/2010 1:05:30 PM)
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First off, ignore what anyone else tells you and go with your own gut feelings. That is the MOST important thing. If you have chemistry with this man, GREAT!! That is key to a relationship like this. Sure he'll mess up a few times, but that's going to happen with any Dom when starting out with someone new to them whether one or both parties has 15 years of experience or 15 minutes. When it happens, make a note of it, and discuss it with him afterward and together your trust and bond will grow. As another poster said, "nobody is born with a flogger in his hand.[;)]"
Now, onto some of the bullshit... Anyone who tells you that a sub shouldn't start out with an "inexperienced Dom," is not stating a FACT, they are stating their OPINION. While there might be pros and cons to that opinion, it does not make it absolutely true. Trust me, I'll take an inexperienced Dom who I have good chemistry with any day over someone with years and years of practice that I only feel lukewarm about. Additionally, as someone else mentioned, there are "experienced" Doms who try to use this tactic to score a new sub because they're incompetent and "virgin blood" is the only kind they can get their hands on for any length of time, simply because the sub doesn't know any better.
If you're both wanting him to get more experience with physical play activities, look up your local BDSM club or community and go to a couple of parties and munches. I can almost guarantee you that you'll run into responsible people who are eager to help new people to the lifestyle "learn the ropes" so to speak so that they too can practice safe, sane, and consensual fun.
Best of luck to you both. It sounds like you're on the right track!
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