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RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/5/2010 6:12:01 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		some people need therapy and some can shake themselves free of the 'victim' mind-set...

if it's undermining your relationship then it can be an 'excuse' more than a 'problem' as well...

just saying.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/5/2010 6:33:47 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

has major fears about past experiences?



With great care

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/5/2010 6:40:44 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I explain that I can help them work through all of their problems. 

I am, afterall, the World's Greatest Dom. 

You have been raped come to Domiguy. 

You have experienced abuse in your childhood, come to Domiguy.

Thinning hair or unnatural gag reflex? Come to Domiguy.

I can cure all of your ills.  Why waste time and money on therapy when I can cure all of your pain?

I know how woman think, what they need to mend and how to heal their scars.

I am the sub whisperer.

_____________________________



(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 3:07:54 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

magic powers??



LOL

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 3:26:20 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		How do you handle a sub that has major fears about past experiences?

Depends on whether the fear impacts upon your relationship.



It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person

This is not really a problem. Many people are "stuck" ... you might even say "stuck in their ways."

and undermines your relationship?

That's another issue. Depends on how it undermines the relationship - and how YOU are contributing to that.


How do you help her handle her past? Say for example she was molested or raped? What is the best way to handle this in Your eyes?

Ask her therapist. The fact that you are asking this in this way shows how very naive and uninformed you are. It is good to know what we don't know. However, while asking a bunch of strangers how to deal with... say.... diabetes... can give you some bits of information, especially from people who have dealt with it, IT DOES NOT REPLACE PROFESSIONAL HELP - for both of you. You would see a doctor about something that effects the physical body so profoundly and regularly, wouldn't you? This is no different.

Let me repeat... PROFESSIONAL HELP...

Good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 4:06:47 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight
i am a sub. I just wanted to know if a Dom had the responsibility to help the sub/slave with anything besides be supportive.


A partner has responsibility to be sensitive.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 4:10:10 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I don't even think they have that, Lilly. It's good if they are, though.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 4:14:42 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I don't even think they have that, Lilly. It's good if they are, though.


I think I probably over simplified, but there is never going to be a rule of thumb, how to act around someone. I was actually having a talk with someone yesterday he was saying how awful it was that his friend wasnt emotional enough about their parents death, that the person made jokes about it, and I tried to impress that different people need different things. Not all people who have been raped need therapy, not all people who have been raped want to talk about it. Dominants don't have to be anything, but a good partner is someone who takes into account the needs of the person they are with

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 4:19:12 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I agree, good post all around.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 12:59:10 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

No, just wondered if a Dom had anything else to add to help his girl..


The idea or concept that because someone is "dominant" that they have special abilities not attributable to "vanilla" folk is dangerous really. A dominant is nothing more than a man who prefers his relationships to be a certain way. It doesn't mean he is smarter or more capable than the guy next door. So the first thing this hypothetical "dom" should do to help his "girl" is to take himself off that imaginary pedastal.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 12:59:47 PM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

How do you help her handle her past?

Two words:  You don't.


_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/6/2010 4:50:23 PM   
Shekicromaster


Posts: 70
Joined: 4/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

has major fears about past experiences?

It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person and undermines your relationship?

How do you help her handle her past? Say for example she was molested or raped? What is the best way to handle this in Your eyes?


people are different individuals, you can note have a single solution that will work for a situation without taking all the different aspects and individual characteristics in consideration.  Some people will deal more easilly with such issues than others, some tactics of dealing with it will work for one, not for the other Generally the dom should be able to understand what is going on and not be pushing when he feels that there is a serious issue there. Now more than that depends on his individual skills. However even a professional therapist will probabilly not work with his partner or family members but send them to a colleague.
As a partner you have a specific connection, can even be a part of the problem, and certainly can not have the professional distance for that. It can also seriously undermine the relationship either by changing your role to something very different or by making the person attach too much of the feelings and problems to you or whatever..  But than again it is a case to case thing, you never know.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere... - 2/17/2010 4:27:00 PM   
slavefinder30


Posts: 18
Joined: 11/5/2009
Status: offline 		You've been getting good advice. Take it. Get professional help.

(in reply to winterlight)
Profile   Post #: 33
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