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What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/16/2010 11:09:18 PM

winterlight

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and please don't tell me a shirt and a pair of pants! LOL

What is the relationship like between the two v.s. a sub and Dominant. If there are any differences....

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/16/2010 11:32:52 PM

Lorenzo19

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Everybody has different ideas. But as I understand it the in a scene the Top is the one who controls or directs the scene and the bottom is the one who is controled and directed. The submissive is usually the bottom and the Top is usually the Dominant.

The subtle difference is that Top / bottom is used in reference to a scene. submissive / Dominant is in reference to a relationship that is not 24/7.

I dont beleive there is a ridgid definition for any of them. People use the terms loosely, but I beleive these are or were the most accepted definitions. Times change.

What is the concensus?

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 4:04:44 AM

OnlineFunForYou

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19
The submissive is usually the bottom and the Top is usually the Dominant.

You say "usually". Does this mean that there are situations where the submissive is the Top and the Dominant is the bottom? In other words: where the submissive decides how the Dominant has to dominate him?

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 4:07:25 AM

RCdc

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Dominant, submissives or slaves are not automatically tops and bottoms. There are lots of Ds and Ms relationships that do not involve play, punishments or BDSM.

Tops and bottoms are people who perform actions - so as Lorenzo said, they are the active participants on a scene.
I would disagree that dominants are usually the top and the s type is usually the bottom. Particularly from the s-type side, I have seen numerous submissive tops. Just because a top is the one doing the work, does not mean they are the ultimate authority of the scene. If they were/are, then you are more likely looking at a switch.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 4:12:19 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlineFunForYou
You say "usually". Does this mean that there are situations where the submissive is the Top and the Dominant is the bottom? In other words: where the submissive decides how the Dominant has to dominate him?

See, I would disagree with Lorenzos statement.
I have seen poly units where one of the s types top another s type under the authority of their dominant.
From a personal example, I am a slave and I top because Master instructs it and I obey him. So I learn techniques under his authority, but I never dominate during a scene, whomever I might Top, be that Master or anyone else. I'm simply a vessel.

the.dark.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 4:32:30 AM

ResidentSadist

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A Dom or a sub have nothing to do with topping and bottoming although they can be one. It's like saying monkeys eat bananas but not everything that eats bananas is a monkey. Try these books for more details.

The Topping Book : Or, Getting Good at Being Bad
by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
This is book was a very fun and informative read. It talks about the rights and responsibilities of the Top and what it is like to be a top. It tells you that Tops and bottoms are equals. Dossie and Catherine are always very good about including all genders, preferences, and relationships.

The Bottoming Book: How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People
by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
Catherine & Dossie give us another great book. It is short and concise and very helpful. The sections on the psychological effects are particularly well explained. The authors repeatedly validate the experience of the person-as-bottom, whether that person identifies solely as a bottom or as a top who desires to experience bottoming, or as the in-betweener who likes it all.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 6:10:32 AM

LadyPact

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The simplest definition is that the top is the giver of sensations and the bottom is the receiver of sensations. While control or authority may be a part of the relationship between the two, it isn't necessarily so.

Speaking of relationships, there isn't necessarily one between a top and a bottom. They may be nothing more than casual acquaintances who both enjoy the same activity. One doesn't necessarily have authority over the other and you could think of them the same way as you would tennis partners or jogging buddies.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 6:36:36 AM

MasterFireMaam

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For some of us, the bottom is the one receiving the pain/pleasure and the Top is the one giving it. It has nothing to do with control and everything to do with physical sensation. This explanation offers understanding of the bottoming Doms/Masters and Topping subs/slaves out there as well as how the bottom can control the scene.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 6:44:10 AM

DarkSteven

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The Top does things to the bottom.

The Dom directs the sub.

Make as many permutations from those two statements as you wish.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 7:41:01 AM

DesFIP

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People can enjoy being tied without also being happy having someone else tell them what to do otherwise. A sadist can enjoy giving pain without wanting to take responsibility for someone outside the negotiated scene.

A top doesn't have the right to tell me what clothes to buy or what to make for dinner or when I need to go to bed. A dominant who I agree to submit to does have those rights, if we agree on that.

One is about play only. You go to a dungeon and ask someone to spank you, doesn't mean he automatically gets a vote on how you redecorate your house. It doesn't even mean that you're obligated to say hello if you see him in Walmart a couple of weeks later.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 10:06:04 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

What is the relationship like between the two v.s. a sub and Dominant. If there are any differences...

In some circles, the "terms" are defined as follows:

Dom/sub (Domme/sub) = Participants of a Domination/submission (D/s) Dynamic

Master/slave (Mistress/slave) = Participants of a Total Power Excchange (TPE or M/s) Dynamic

Top/bottom = Participants of a "Bedroom Only" Dynamic; i.e., they are equals outside the bedroom

*Note: The terms "Top" and "bottom" can also be used in the generic sense, like "D-Type" or "s-type".

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 5:10:38 PM

StrongSpirit

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I define the terms this way:

1. Sadist - enjoys causing pain. Masochist enjoys the pain.
2. Dominant - enjoys controlling the situation. They make the decisions and give the instructions. Sub enjoys relinquishing control
3. Top - enjoys MANAGING the situation. They may give the orders, but they don't make the decisions. Bottom - enjoys letting the Top do all the hard leadership work, but won't let them make the actual decisions. I.E. A bottom might say "Hit me harder, Tie the Knots tighter." But a sub won't do that.

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RE: What is a top and what is a bottom... - 2/17/2010 7:13:52 PM

littlewonder

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bottom: one who enjoys playing/going through the actions of bdsm. One who enjoys receiving sensations.

Top: one who enjoys playing/going through the actions of bdsm. One who enjoys giving those sensations to a bottom.

submissive: one who chooses to submit under their terms, chooses what will and won't receive, do, won't do.

Dominant: a person who holds the authority/power.

slave: one who surrenders to a Master and has one and only choice...stay or leave.

Master/Mistress: one who holds authority/power over a slave.

Now these are my definitions and they work for me. Everyone seems to be different on these definitions and I will just bite my tongue from this point on when it comes to the different ones.

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