RE: Service submissive question.

RE: Service submissive question. (Full Version)

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cloudboy -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 11:44:22 AM)
Beings a "service sub" has not gotten littlesarbonn very far, at least by his accounts here on the message board.

specialk2611 -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 12:10:47 PM)
There are still Dommes seeking this no-strings type service agreement. I have been part of this dynamic, once and I got bored after 3 hours of cleaning and mopping and whatnot with no interaction! We are human! I have talked to other Dommes who appear to be more realistic, but I guess it's kind of like McDonalds, you'll have more bright eyed kids asking to do it when the last ones move on.

cloudboy -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 12:21:18 PM)
Like simplymichael said, if you don't believe in "no strings housework," don't do it. Say what you would like as a part of the bargain up front. I've been on the msg board for about 5 years, and I've never read any credible posts about the workability of no strings housework. Your experience is pretty much the norm.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 12:46:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Beings a "service sub" has not gotten littlesarbonn very far, at least by his accounts here on the message board. He isn't exactly local to me but we both play in the same area. I know a lot of dominant woman in his area and nobody I know knows him. I think he has made his own bed and is crying about it. I could be wrong but I don't think it is the fact that he desires to be a "service sub" that is the real issue. Frankly, male submissives who aren't nuts are hard to find, male submissives who are half way decent are treasured, so my guess is there is more than meets the eye.

chellekitty -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 12:58:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Often, there is something underlying that may not be as evident. A part of that is that some people do thrive on pleasing others and doing that mixed with making the Dominant's life easier is definitely in there. Also included in that are those situations where the submissive gets their needs for control and/or structure met. (snip) It can also be rewarding for those who thrive in high protocol environments. i am one of those people that LadyPact is talking about in what i have quoted...what i get from "pure service" is those such things...and i usually do such service for what i consider to be my extended Leather family, so they have a knowledge of why i need to serve for the need to serve...sometimes it's as simple as getting tea for them all the way to sometimes it's acting as a servant for a disabled person in public (which can get very complicated to make it look like they are capable...and there is no controling going on)...but it all fulfills a need in me and rewards me at the same time...though i don't know if i could do it 24/7.... eta. the quote has been what it is for a long time now

Scheherazade67 -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 2:28:28 PM)
Does it really matter?

MzMinx -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 2:50:29 PM)
For me ... thinking of any one as a single facit a single desire seems silly Some one can be very motivated by service .... and they can get many things from it ... but I would never assume that was all they looked for or needed in life ... So anyone who tells me all they want to do is no strings service ..is either talking about short term or something very specific . or is niave or playing fantasy games ... I generaly look for more than one aspect in some one to interact with .. so whilst I can enjoy service ... if that was all I was interested in from someone I generally would not build an interaction with them and I would choose soemone who I enjoyed more aspects with If someone was so absolutly motivated by service to need nothing in return than I would point them in the direction of people who need it .... why would they need to mix kink with it

DesFIP -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 3:04:22 PM)
If you enjoy doing service, then I'd guess you qualify as a service sub. If somebody's told you that you're a fake because you don't want to show up and clean their house and leave before they get home, tell them to get lost. You are entitled to having your needs met. Which doesn't mean that any particular dominant will want to meet your needs. It's up to the two of you to figure out how well you mesh, how compatible you are. No ideas about contracts or rewards since we don't do any of that.

littlewonder -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 3:07:34 PM)
I serve Master in many ways. I do it because it's part of the requirement of being with him, because I enjoy doing things for him and it gets things done. That doesn't mean I don't expect anything though. I do. If he started taking me for granted, never did anything himself, never cared for me, I think my service to him and our relationship would end pretty quickly. I think most people in loving, caring relationships are service inclined for the most part. They like to do things for each other because it is nice to see each other smile.

cloudboy -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 3:39:14 PM)
quote: nuts What's your definition of "nuts?" (a) mentally imbalanced (b) no people skills (c) poor relationship skills (d) too fantasy driven (e) all of the above and much more --------- All my action is private: no groups, no public scenes, no munches, etc. So, I'm not sure what you mean here. In my view, anyone offering "no strings housework" is mostly likely putting forth some kind of trojan horse. Anyone seeking the same who has not read the Illiad might want to read up.

antipode -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/18/2010 8:42:05 PM)
quote: notion of totally altruistic service probably doesn't exist, that would make sense, it's just that perhaps some people say It would probably help if you stepped away from the mounds of generalizations you seem to use, and concentrate more on your own desires and needs. To say that a "notion ... does not exist" is complete nonsense, all notions exist, somewhere, and "perhaps some people say" - duh, perhaps they do, perhaps they don't, and how is this important? Opinions are based on experience, not on supposition and conjecture. Question is, why are you conjecturing, and generalizing?

LadyAngelika -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 4:14:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Those who think that people do service without any gain are fooling themselves. That gain may be some intangible and may even be an unconscious desire of the person serving but it is there somewhere. Which is why service is so often short lived. People think they need nothing, perhaps get nothing, and then burn out. Or have a hidden expectation and when it goes unfulfilled, they get bitter and lash out at worse, or again, lose interest and wander off. In the public scene, lots of people do "service" seemingly without reward. Most are doing it as a form of "resume padding" and their payment is status. I once asked on a larger more real life forum for stories from people who had done service at that level over a year previously for positive experiences and while most felt they learned things from doing so, few had glowing memories of the time. I have long resisted having anyone in service to me but I am exploring a lot of new ground and have someone in service to me and it has been a very interesting experience and has allowed me to explore sexual and kink realms that I haven't done before in ways that are new to me. She gets to be in my presence (some might see that as punishment but she doesn't), status, and various other things. She doesn't get orgasms, she serves as my toy rack while I play with others, cleans up when I am done with someone, and in general enhances my enjoyment. I am a big believer in clarity. You want something from me, be up front and you might get it. Contracts can help, talking can help, but without self awareness, it is all just an exercise in futility. I am not big on passive aggressive forms of communication, you want something, ask and you just might get it. Oh, and one last thing. Punishments? I don't need a service slave in my life, if I have to spend my time punishing you, I am going to find something better to do with my time. Fabulous post Michael and I agree with you 100% on this. While I understand the concept of a service sub, it doesn't fit within the realm of what it is that I want. My profile states very welll what I want, a lover/life partner who will be submissive to me. Yet I receive at least 3-5 emails a week from men who want to be a service sub to me. When I tell them no, some tend to push, using the argument that I don't have to give them anything in return... does anyone else see the irony? Still, they don't represent all service submissives, I am aware. But I, like you Michael, have a very hard time thinking that anyone is not motivated by something to do something. I put emphasis on the last 2 paragraphs as they really hit home. - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 4:23:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: specialk2611 I have read other threads elsewhere, where Domme's ask 'what do you want in return', which at the time sounded odd, but also makes sense now. You have to remember that there are lots of people who are brand new and call themselves Dommes, there are people who have been around forever, who call themselves Dommes, there are people who are completely nuts who call themselves Dommes, and there are a handful who are Dommes. Few look in the mirror and say "I am a complete fraud"...even if they are. Combine that with well meaning folks who are perhaps the most amazing Domme they know but forget that they only know two... Then, even the good Domme/Dominant has to fight the urge to "play dark" meaning to be all demanding/bitchy/edgy excetera and play to people's fantasies or to be very down to earth and grounded but risk sounding fluffy. People get all sorts of things from service, but if they think they want nothing...chances are they want LOTS but just don't know it. Which are the sorts people who have been around the block steer WAY clear of. And I know high profile people who really think that brand new chick is "serving" them out of sheer awe at how amazing they are, ignoring the fact that chick sees bdsm as some sort of ladder and "star fucking" someone big by serving them is a fast track to "being" someone. Sad really. Michael, you have to stop posting such brilliant stuff. I'm starting to like you ;-) - LA

MsMillgrove -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 4:45:51 PM)
Littlesarbonn did a service for me, tho at the time he was in Korea. If here were near me, I'd pursue him relentlessly--even tho that's not my style. The posts made here about him are not coming from someone who has had a good experience with him. I have had a good experience. When you know you're a sane, good person and you have endless interaction with CM people who frustrate you and make promises or offer services they never plan to make good on--you end up very cynical. I could post for days on all the crap I have taken here, but I chose to remember the good people, the fine times--the happiness. Just this week, I had dinner with my pony and we were talking about meeting thru CM, and how many cool people we've met at CM. I know that if Sarbonn lived here, chances are good he'd be sitting right next to us, sharing the pleasure. I felt the comments about him here were inappropropriate.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 5:38:24 PM)
MsMillgrove, I didn't see anyone attacking him personally. I saw someone making a hypotheses after someone pleaded his case. Also, you might want to add ~Fast Reply~ at the top of your post to indicate to the person you are replying to which is usually the last person (in this case me) that you are not addressing them in particular :-) - LA

sublizzie -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 7:01:40 PM)
~fr~ I identify primarily as a service submissive. My favorite service area is cooking, hence my sig line. There are Dominants in my circle of friends who enable me to use my favorite service for them in a variety of ways. The return on my service "investment" is knowing I've pleased them and whomever shared my service. Before Santa's passing he used my favorite service area to enhance his family gatherings. Right now, I'm still too grieving to do any cooking, but in time, I'll be back at it cooking up a storm to serve Dominant friends and family. It's who I am. It's how I show my submission to others. {shrug} Not everyone gets me and that's okay. The ones who do eat really great food and so do their friends!

thishereboi -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 8:44:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika MsMillgrove, I didn't see anyone attacking him personally. I saw someone making a hypotheses after someone pleaded his case. Also, you might want to add ~Fast Reply~ at the top of your post to indicate to the person you are replying to which is usually the last person (in this case me) that you are not addressing them in particular :-) - LA quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Beings a "service sub" has not gotten littlesarbonn very far, at least by his accounts here on the message board. He isn't exactly local to me but we both play in the same area. I know a lot of dominant woman in his area and nobody I know knows him. I think he has made his own bed and is crying about it. I could be wrong but I don't think it is the fact that he desires to be a "service sub" that is the real issue. Frankly, male submissives who aren't nuts are hard to find, male submissives who are half way decent are treasured, so my guess is there is more than meets the eye.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 9:02:45 PM)
thishereboi, would you kindly state your point in juxtaposing those 2 posts, please? - LA

thishereboi -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 9:45:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika thishereboi, would you kindly state your point in juxtaposing those 2 posts, please? - LA You said you didn't see anyone personally attacking him. I thought maybe you had missed the post where SM said "I know a lot of dominant woman in his area and nobody I know knows him. I think he has made his own bed and is crying about it. I could be wrong but I don't think it is the fact that he desires to be a "service sub" that is the real issue." Sure sounds like an attack to me, but maybe I missed something.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Service submissive question. (2/19/2010 9:47:11 PM)
What I said is that someone speculated about what could be happening. That is different than an attack. In any case, what is someone doing bringing up someone else's personal struggle without their conscent? That seems to be the more serious question to me. - LA

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