quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


just picking this out of the crowd of great thoughts on this topic.

im not sure why its called 'Reverse Psychology' why should it be reverse to concentrate on the good things rather than the bad things - but there it goes.  reacting to the bad and not praising the good creates an imbalance of motivation, specially if there is no other attention being given out, other than punishment or discipline (boy have i been there in the past) - such a negative cycle.

That isn't reverse psychology, this is positive reinforcement and it works. Do you work better for a boss who cuts you down all the time or for one who recognizes your hard work and sincerely praises you for it? Same for the rest of humanity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I see discipline, correction and punishment as three separate things. Discipline being the structure of a relationship and willingness to adhere to it, correction as "you're not doing that the way i want, do it this way" and problem solved, then punishment reserved for repeated and or willful acts.

Having to administer punishment to me indicates a breakdown in discipline and could be a failure on both their parts, him for being lax and not maintaining discipline and her for willful behavior. Reason for an examination for the cause.

S/m activity has nothing to do with the above

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
actually, come to think of it.  we get heaps and heaps of 'punishment' threads but i dont remember ever reading one about positive reinforcement.  if D'types want happy, obedient submissives surely that is as much an area to discuss.  makes you wonder actually, how much of punishment isnt all about people getting their rocks off and/or enjoying that debate for titillation purposes than the real issue of encouraging a submissive to find pleasure and satisfaction from pleasing their D.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


just picking this out of the crowd of great thoughts on this topic.

im not sure why its called 'Reverse Psychology' why should it be reverse to concentrate on the good things rather than the bad things - but there it goes.  reacting to the bad and not praising the good creates an imbalance of motivation, specially if there is no other attention being given out, other than punishment or discipline (boy have i been there in the past) - such a negative cycle.

\

That isn't reverse psychology, this is positive reinforcement and it works. Do you work better for a boss who cuts you down all the time or for one who recognizes your hard work and sincerely praises you for it? Same for the rest of humanity.

oh, ok -

my point though was that beit, positive reinforcement or reverse psychology - praising the good, seeing the positive, needs to be used and exercised in prefferance to always relying on punishment and negative attention.  to always use punishment with barely any praise just ends up making you feel like youre always getting it wrong.

actually, come to think of it.  we get heaps and heaps of 'punishment' threads but i dont remember ever reading one about positive reinforcement.  if D'types want happy, obedient submissives surely that is as much an area to discuss.  makes you wonder actually, how much of punishment isnt all about people getting their rocks off and/or enjoying that debate for titillation purposes than the real issue of encouraging a submissive to find pleasure and satisfaction from pleasing their D.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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It's rather annoying to me when people treat submissives like we are children, endlessly trying to "get away" with something. While some may behave that way, it certainly isn't a universal thing.

Funny, it works the same way with kids... treat them like they are always trying to pull something and they will always be trying to pull something... feed their inner desire to be pleasing and make you proud, and they will endeavor to do that... human beings like respect no matter what age they are.

just picking this out of the crowd of great thoughts on this topic.

im not sure why its called 'Reverse Psychology' why should it be reverse to concentrate on the good things rather than the bad things - but there it goes.  reacting to the bad and not praising the good creates an imbalance of motivation, specially if there is no other attention being given out, other than punishment or discipline (boy have i been there in the past) - such a negative cycle.

fact is, here, noone needs to find an excuse to spank their sub and fuck her - its an established past time after all!

funishment is another thing and has nothing at all to do with punishment or discipline (IMO)

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ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

It's rather annoying to me when people treat submissives like we are children, endlessly trying to "get away" with something. While some may behave that way, it certainly isn't a universal thing.

Funny, it works the same way with kids... treat them like they are always trying to pull something and they will always be trying to pull something... feed their inner desire to be pleasing and make you proud, and they will endeavor to do that... human beings like respect no matter what age they are.

just picking this out of the crowd of great thoughts on this topic.

im not sure why its called 'Reverse Psychology' why should it be reverse to concentrate on the good things rather than the bad things - but there it goes.  reacting to the bad and not praising the good creates an imbalance of motivation, specially if there is no other attention being given out, other than punishment or discipline (boy have i been there in the past) - such a negative cycle.

fact is, here, noone needs to find an excuse to spank their sub and fuck her - its an established past time after all!

funishment is another thing and has nothing at all to do with punishment or discipline (IMO)

Lally, I refer you (and everyone else) to my post back on page 2 of this thread:
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3099097

My boy and I don't have a reward/punishment dynamic because that would be a whole cycle and there should be a balance, for it to be effective, and we're just not interested in all that. It sounds like waaaay too much work (really, who has the time?  ), the whole idea bores me, and its really not necessary to a good D/s dynamic.

Just choose a servant who is willingly obedient, and you don't need to go the whole reward/punishment route.

I have spoken. Bow down.

Nyah! 

*giggles*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tayr

In my case, I've only run into the sexual excitement situation when dealing with infractions of a lesser nature... things that don't mean a whole lot to me but still need to be enforced for consistency's sake. Like most of you, dealing with situations of the more serious nature does NOT leave me in a stimulated mood. I'm usually just angry or irritated that I'm even having to deal with the infraction in the first place.

To be clear, I have never acted on this "frisky" feeling. My gut reaction has always left me feeling that it would be an unwise move on my part. At best confusing for my sub, and at worst, very detrimental in some way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tayr

I have a question that I would like to get both Dom and sub perspectives on.

As a Dominant, I sometimes have to dispense discipline. Well, this often tends to get me all worked up. Nothing like a good ol' spanking to get a Dom all horny, ya know? So, my question is on whether or not the discipline should be followed up with some gratifying sex? Is that something that would have negative effects on my submissive? Should it be avoided? Or should I just indulge my "I don't care how you feel about it" attitude and force the sex on her? The last thing I want is for my sub to start associating sex with anything negative. But I want my cake (or pie, whatever ), too. What are your opinions or experiences with this issue?