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Is it my fault? - 3/31/2006 8:30:34 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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I was involved in a switch relationship that recently ended because my partner developed his first pilonidal cyst following a session. He thinks spanking may have caused it and now claims he can no longer participate in the lifestyle because of his condition. We used to have so much fun together and though he says he doesn't blame me, he rarely talks to me. I feel so guilty. What should I do?

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RE: Is it my fault? - 3/31/2006 8:38:04 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was involved in a switch relationship that recently ended because my partner developed his first pilonidal cyst following a session. He thinks spanking may have caused it and now claims he can no longer participate in the lifestyle because of his condition. We used to have so much fun together and though he says he doesn't blame me, he rarely talks to me. I feel so guilty. What should I do?

I had never heard of a pilonidal cyst and googled it here is what I found:
A pilonidal cyst is a blanket term for any type of skin infection near the tailbone. These are normally quite painful, generally occur in men, and normally happen in early adulthood. Although usually found near the tailbone, this painful condition can be found in several places, including the navel or the armpit. Development of the condition in a place other than the tailbone is exceedingly rare, however. It usually happens in young people, up to their thirties in age. Conditions in which it commonly occurs include obesity, body hair around the area in question, and a sedentary lifestyle. While a traumatic event is not believed to cause a pilonidal cyst, such an event has been known to inflame existing cysts.

I don't think it came from spanking though that could help to inflame it, most likely came from body hair on his ass. I would say if he's treating you this way that its probably best to find another switch to play with. Accidents do sometimes rarely occur in even the safest of play and if he can't handle it then he shouldn't be playing. Also there's alot more to BDSM then just spanking, sounds to me like he's looking for an out for whatever inner turmoil he is having.

~Lashra

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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RE: Is it my fault? - 3/31/2006 10:36:08 AM

fergus

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Joined: 6/22/2005
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Only you can release yourself from guilt feelings. I know intellectually you probably understand that it was not your fault. Yet, somehow you will have to convince your heart ;)

Perhaps spanking a few MORE folks without this experience repeating itself might help ;) And/or talking to someone experienced to learn some safe techniques.

fergus

(in reply to Lashra)

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RE: Is it my fault? - 3/31/2006 3:30:18 PM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was involved in a switch relationship that recently ended because my partner developed his first pilonidal cyst following a session. He thinks spanking may have caused it and now claims he can no longer participate in the lifestyle because of his condition. We used to have so much fun together and though he says he doesn't blame me, he rarely talks to me. I feel so guilty. What should I do?

Well.. he might SAY he doesn't blame you.. but his actions say otherwise. You seem to really care for him which is why you feel guilty. Despite our own head knowledge of knowing it wasn't our fault, when those we care about blame us or don't forgive us we can feel guilty about their hurt.

First.. as one poster mentioned.. this particular cystic condition wasn't caused by the spanking, but it might have aggrivated it. My guess is that he's embarassed by it. Feels bad that he has it and that its preventing him from enjoying something he truely wants (at least in his mind anyway).

So this wasn't your fault. So you can stop feeling guilty about it. If you want to salvage this relationship, Get him to sit down with you and talk this through. Share your feelings about him and your relationship with him. If you really want to be with him, try telling him so. Maybe there are alternate activites you two could enjoy together that don't require trauma to his "sensitive part". It could be that he just feels so bad that he doesn't want to "make" you give up something that he thinks you enjoy, and is trapped in his own little pity party right now.

If he refuses to work this out or talk to you, don't waste your time with one more minute on him. Life is too short. Be Happy.

V

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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