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RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/19/2010 7:49:06 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Countrychick, back when I was looking, I checked the bisexual box (since I am attracted to women, and have engaged in BDSM with them), but referred to myself as "heteroflexible" within my description.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/19/2010 12:14:02 PM   
countrychick


Posts: 83
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline 		Ah wonderful thank you very much! I shall edit soon

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 9:08:12 AM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hello, CP. I am no longer searching, but when I was, I encountered way too many men claiming to be "dominant" who seemed only interested in sexual dominance, and in treating me like my only prospective function would be to provide sexual service. the conversation or chat would focus on sex; I remember one "dominant" whom I had never even spoken with on the phone, asking me to write a sexual fantasy about "Us". I can only speak for myself but these approaches left me feeling empty and disrespected. I recall asking another man what drew him to this lifestyle and he told me right out there that he wanted to get a blow job whenever he wanted one. That was his stated reason.

Makes ya wonder.

< Message edited by Firebirdseeking -- 3/20/2010 9:09:21 AM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 12:26:09 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I say people come to this with a plethora of motivations and along the way their motivations and desires may change or evolve.

There is no one right way to do this thing we call BDSM.


LA,

Damn, there is an example, LA always were the call letters for Lucky Albatross!! That being said were is the D/s formula for your stated BDSM?

CP


Not that it matters, but I was on Collarme Message boards in mid-2004 a little over a year before Lucky Albatross and they were my call letters first. That said, I do hold her posts in high esteem and find only a compliment in being mixed up with her.

That said, I'm not sure I understand your question.

Edited to add: OriginallyfromLA didn't originate from me ;-)

- LA

My guess is that it must matter otherwise there would be no need to mention...

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 12:28:41 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I say people come to this with a plethora of motivations and along the way their motivations and desires may change or evolve.

There is no one right way to do this thing we call BDSM.


LA,

Damn, there is an example, LA always were the call letters for Lucky Albatross!! That being said were is the D/s formula for your stated BDSM?

CP


Not that it matters, but I was on Collarme Message boards in mid-2004 a little over a year before Lucky Albatross and they were my call letters first. That said, I do hold her posts in high esteem and find only a compliment in being mixed up with her.

That said, I'm not sure I understand your question.

Edited to add: OriginallyfromLA didn't originate from me ;-)

- LA

My guess is that it must matter otherwise there would be no need to mention...



Welcome to the boards. I'm flattered you've chosen to make a great big assumption about me as your first post ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 12:50:42 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I say people come to this with a plethora of motivations and along the way their motivations and desires may change or evolve.

There is no one right way to do this thing we call BDSM.


LA,

Damn, there is an example, LA always were the call letters for Lucky Albatross!! That being said were is the D/s formula for your stated BDSM?

CP


Not that it matters, but I was on Collarme Message boards in mid-2004 a little over a year before Lucky Albatross and they were my call letters first. That said, I do hold her posts in high esteem and find only a compliment in being mixed up with her.

That said, I'm not sure I understand your question.

Edited to add: OriginallyfromLA didn't originate from me ;-)

- LA

My guess is that it must matter otherwise there would be no need to mention...



Welcome to the boards. I'm flattered you've chosen to make a great big assumption about me as your first post ;-)

- LA

You are most welcome...seemed like it was a statement that didn't belong in this thread


_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 12:54:27 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet:
My guess is that it must matter otherwise there would be no need to mention...



Welcome to the boards. I'm flattered you've chosen to make a great big assumption about me as your first post ;-)

- LA

And there it is - my early morning cuppa all over my lap, keyboard and new widescreen monitor.... Goodonya...! lol

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 12:56:22 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet:
My guess is that it must matter otherwise there would be no need to mention...



Welcome to the boards. I'm flattered you've chosen to make a great big assumption about me as your first post ;-)

- LA

And there it is - my early morning cuppa all over my lap, keyboard and new widescreen monitor.... Goodonya...! lol

Focus.


You are welcome! ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 12:59:01 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline 		In my opinion a D/s relationship should work outside the bedroom as well.  In fact I will state that a proper and healthy D/s relationship can happen exclusive of the bedroom but not necessarily vice versa.  Bedroom only relationships are going to be expansions of a normally vanilla relationship without building the level of trust and exploration that a true submissive needs and desires.

_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:21:06 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

that a true submissive needs and desires


Ah! The long awaited authority on what belongs on the boards and what a true submissive needs has finally arrived. And on spring equinox nonetheless. Let the news be spread throughout the land!

(That was my sarcastic way of saying relax, read a little, get to know people here before you make judgements about them and you might learn that we have an aversion to people who claim to know what true submission or dominance is.)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:28:04 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Sirtomypet, I haven't been in a bedroom-only D/s relationship, but I have been in egalitarian kinky relationships, where I topped, bottomed, or both without any power exchange otherwise. We still had plenty of trust and exploration within our relationships, and we certainly were not vanilla. If *you* only want a D/s relationship that includes other areas, great, but why do you feel the need to criticise and demean other people for the relationships that work for them?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:42:23 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

that a true submissive needs and desires


Ah! The long awaited authority on what belongs on the boards and what a true submissive needs has finally arrived. And on spring equinox nonetheless. Let the news be spread throughout the land!

(That was my sarcastic way of saying relax, read a little, get to know people here before you make judgements about them and you might learn that we have an aversion to people who claim to know what true submission or dominance is.)

- LA

thank you for replying in a way that was expected from you...you are obviously a piece of work and apparently the "queen of the board"

thank you also for assuming that I am a new just because I have not "roamed" this message board...


_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:44:50 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Sirtomypet, I haven't been in a bedroom-only D/s relationship, but I have been in egalitarian kinky relationships, where I topped, bottomed, or both without any power exchange otherwise. We still had plenty of trust and exploration within our relationships, and we certainly were not vanilla. If *you* only want a D/s relationship that includes other areas, great, but why do you feel the need to criticise and demean other people for the relationships that work for them?

I don't think I criticized anyone.  I simply explained my opinion on what a D/s relationship is.  I am sorry if offering my opinion was inappropriate.  Reading threads, as I have for several months, seems that opinions are all that is offered here.


_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:47:15 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline 		As I feared, this site appears to be a little cliquey


_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:50:30 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		There's nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, but saying that anyone who doesn't enjoy your style of relationship is vanilla and don't trust each other seems a bit over the top.

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 1:58:44 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet
thank you for replying in a way that was expected from you...you are obviously a piece of work and apparently the "queen of the board"


Hardly. Just a regular poster.

quote:

thank you also for assuming that I am a new just because I have not "roamed" this message board...


It wasn't an assumption so much as a deduction. You created your profile today. You've made now 6 posts on one thread and the comment a few posts down from the one I'm quoted states:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet
As I feared, this site appears to be a little cliquey

Which only confirms that you don't know us very well. We are usually pretty cool to new comers who don't walk in the front door and with an arsenal of truth and assumptions.

Best of luck on these boards. You are already making quite the impression.

- LA



_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 2:03:50 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet
thank you for replying in a way that was expected from you...you are obviously a piece of work and apparently the "queen of the board"


Hardly. Just a regular poster.

quote:

thank you also for assuming that I am a new just because I have not "roamed" this message board...


It wasn't an assumption so much as a deduction. You created your profile today. You've made now 6 posts on one thread and the comment a few posts down from the one I'm quoted states:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet
As I feared, this site appears to be a little cliquey

Which only confirms that you don't know us very well. We are usually pretty cool to new comers who don't walk in the front door and with an arsenal of truth and assumptions.

Best of luck on these boards. You are already making quite the impression.

- LA



Good.

However, since reading your post I do feel like I am back in high school.

The "as I feared" statement was based on several months of experience reading threads.  So no, I am not new to the site, just new to trying to add my thoughts and opinions.  Dissenting opinions are apparently not welcomed by some.


_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 2:16:00 PM   
Sirtomypet


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

There's nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, but saying that anyone who doesn't enjoy your style of relationship is vanilla and don't trust each other seems a bit over the top.

I will work to make my expressed opinions more non-confrontational in the future.

My reference to trust had nothing to do with bedroom activities, nor was it a reference to a relational trust of cheating.  I was impressing my thought of a sub trusting their Dom to protect them from harm while finding limits during play can be effectively (I guess as I expressed it, arguably more effectively) built when activities were not solely built in the bedroom.

I have certainly read enough here to know that there is no one right answer for any topic.  What I shared is what works for me and what I would consider someone else to consider if they were looking for an answer for themselves.  What we are and what we opine are based on the information we gain from personal experience and the ideas of others.  Thus, the reason for me reading this thread was to see what others had to say and if/how that would update my ideas.  I offered what I did as another point of view.

I apologize for writing in a way that was rude or offending.


_____________________________

What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 2:49:57 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I do feel like I am back in high school.


And since you are responsible for how you feel, than that is up to you to change.

Again, welcome and I hope you settle in nicely.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Sirtomypet)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Submission vs kinky vanilla sex - 3/20/2010 3:30:11 PM   
subexploring


Posts: 103
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline 		Sex is certainly at the heart of why people enter an explicit BDSM scene, whether that's a web site like this one or local munches. The truth is that if I wanted only to "serve" and there was nothing sexual about it then I would have ample options among vanilla women and no need to seek the rarity of a self-consciously dominant woman. I have been with many conventional women and every single one of them wanted me to serve their needs in some way (sometimes by topping them in the bedroom, in fact). If I were simply a selfless knight whose only desire was to make women happy, then I could do so outside of any BDSM scene. The reason I'm here has to do with my own needs, which include sexual submission and also the desire to have the woman self-consciously take a leadership role in the relationship. (I find that most vanilla women prefer to get their needs met without taking the leadership role).

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 80
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