RE: Are switches looked down upon?

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/17/2010 11:21:18 PM

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GoFigure, I haven't been criticised or had anyone refuse to date me in person over my being a switch, though I've had a few people attempt to insist that I was submissive, or should be submissive. It just made me more resistant to the idea. Online, I've had people twice tell me that I shouldn't post in the "Ask a Mistress" forum because I'm currently a slave, although I've had a male submissive for 5 years in the past, and currently have a female submissive playpartner. Several people stood up for me, and said that I absolutely had the right to post anywhere I like.

I have seen some of it in general, though usually directed more at men than toward women.

shaven, I think it's great to keep an open mind. I'd prefer though that you *not* identify as switch until you've actually experienced both, though, or at least are fairly certain that you are drawn to both. It's not a synonym for "undecided."

hisdarlinsweetie, I was a Domme for 5 years, and my last relationship was as a submissive for 3 years, and I'm currently a slave. I also have a submissive playpartner, and she has occasionally played with my Master as well as me. I haven't felt both dominant and submissive toward the same person, although I can both top and bottom to the same person, and sometimes within the same scene. The power dynamic so far has been limited to one or the other, depending on how I interact with that specific person. Most people just don't push my buttons in either direction.

(in reply to CarrieO)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/24/2010 12:26:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoFigure

In the BDSM community, why do I get the feeling that switches are looked down upon? Is it because switches are thought to be indecisive? Are our desires thought to be too great a challenge to adhere to?

I identify as a switch because I can't, without lying, call myself solely a sub, or solely a dom. I love to serve, which leads me to pursue submissiveness, but the thought of taking a woman over the bed and overpowering her (with consent of course) is exhilarating. I can play either role in independently in a relationship or take turns. Is that inappropriate? Is it selfish? I just don't see why that's not thought to be kosher around here.

If we aren't and I'm just being naive, please excuse me. But I'm new around here and I've always found the best way to learn about something new is to ask someone more experienced.

As with anything online, there will be people critical of you if you arent the same as they are.

Rebel. Do what you want.

-Daddy Blade

(in reply to GoFigure)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/24/2010 5:26:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64

As with anything online, there will be people critical of you if you arent the same as they are.

Rebel. Do what you want.

-Daddy Blade

Subs are critical of other subs and Dom/mmes are critical of other Dom/mmes. Subs are critical of Dom/mmes and Dom/mmes are critical of subs and many of the above are also critical of switches!
The good news is, we rarely see a switch being critical of another switch. Wonder why that is eh?

hisdarlinsweetie was a great example of the misunderstanding that goes on!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 3/24/2010 5:27:26 AM >

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(in reply to DomBlade64)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/24/2010 8:36:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64

As with anything online, there will be people critical of you if you arent the same as they are.

Rebel. Do what you want.

-Daddy Blade

Subs are critical of other subs and Dom/mmes are critical of other Dom/mmes. Subs are critical of Dom/mmes and Dom/mmes are critical of subs and many of the above are also critical of switches!
The good news is, we rarely see a switch being critical of another switch. Wonder why that is eh?

hisdarlinsweetie was a great example of the misunderstanding that goes on!

I think there is a difference between ego struggle and simple nastiness. The dom/dom thing is mainly because they feel the need to be a big bad dom all the time, alone, from their basement computer.

I dont know about subs, other than the all too frequent pissing contest from multiples being in a poly household.

I like switches. Why? They know they are just normal people. (I say that with emphasis on people) It is so easy to hold a conversation with them without worrying about putting what in caps or getting accused of being a newbie...

Ofcourse, I myself dont care what other doms think and I say what I want within reason.

Why? See above. I do what I want.

Thing is, Im comfortable with other people doing the same.

Guess that makes me a monster around here, huh?

-Daddy Blade

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/24/2010 9:16:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64

I think there is a difference between ego struggle and simple nastiness. The dom/dom thing is mainly because they feel the need to be a big bad dom all the time, alone, from their basement computer.

I think the dom/dom conflicts come out of unsurity of who they are. They profess to be the true ones and yet don't have much of a clue when it comes to dominating

I dont know about subs, other than the all too frequent pissing contest from multiples being in a poly household.

I don't understand that side of the submissive

I like switches. Why? They know they are just normal people. (I say that with emphasis on people) It is so easy to hold a conversation with them without worrying about putting what in caps or getting accused of being a newbie...

Same here. It always amuses me that a dominant or a sub can point a finger and state we are not real. My question to them is... what makes you more real than me?

Ofcourse, I myself dont care what other doms think and I say what I want within reason.

Why? See above. I do what I want.

Thing is, Im comfortable with other people doing the same.

Guess that makes me a monster around here, huh?

-Daddy Blade

I believe it makes you more open minded and open minded people grow.
As a switch I accept that not everyone can accept me. That's fine but its their loss and not mine.
The funniest part of all of this is, the same sort of people that can not accept or take switches seriously are the very ones that stay as far away from nilla land as possible because nillas don't accept them. I have little understanding of those amongst us that can't live in the real world.

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(in reply to DomBlade64)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/25/2010 3:36:09 PM

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Its pretty much been said. Some people will look down on us and there is nothing you can do about it.

In part, I think its the term "switch" that is confusing to many. They think that it means you start as a sub, then go Dom, then change again, etc. In reality, at least in my case, while I enjoy being the one in control of a willing lady and doing all sorts of things we enjoy with her...I also enjoy being the restrained one with her being the creative one.

Its not a "from this time to this time tonight, I'm the Dom and then you can be the Domme from this time to this time...OK?" No, its whatever motivates us that day. For instance, I'm a big boot fan. I can never get enough of leather boots on women. If I've had a day where I've seen dozens of pairs on women, I'm likely to want to be on my knees licking my Dommes boots that night, and whatever else she wants of me in the process. Its things like that which determine "what mood I'm in." Does that make sense?

(in reply to CarrieO)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 3/30/2010 5:58:31 PM

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mmmm good question had not even thought about that before now actually lol i consider myself a switch leaning more to domme for sure but i figure what does it matter to others what my preference is??? and to be frank i would definetely prefer a male switch to a dom simply because it would be the best of both worlds for me!!! and you know what??? that s all that matters don t care what others think lol

(in reply to CarrieO)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/1/2010 1:08:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aanakaris

I could not tell you how many profiles i have seen that have, "NO SWITCHES!!!"
All caps with exclamation points.

These same people would be appalled at being called racist or sexist, yet Domist is fine.

I stopped putting switch in my profile because I am capable of being happy without switching. Quadrupled my responses overnight.

So yes, Some people look down on switches. Similar to how many in the gay community look down on bisexual people.

I've had similar experiences, as a switch and as a bisexual. Eh, their loss ;)

(in reply to Aanakaris)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/6/2010 1:46:23 PM

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Aside from a snarky comment from a random person on another thread, I've never really had anyone give me hassle over being a switch. Probably because I'm already in the process of ignoring them once they get going, so I just don't notice anything.

(in reply to switch2please)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/6/2010 1:51:39 PM

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It's usually only a problem in people who mindlessly look at "roles" as being more important than "energy."

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 1:52:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

It's usually only a problem in people who mindlessly look at "roles" as being more important than "energy."

I have never thought of it that way but your so right!

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 2:30:33 PM

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People seem to have a lot of delusional images of "what they should be".....I try to figure out folks as discrete individuals. Stereotypes are for the lazy.

Do the work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

It's usually only a problem in people who mindlessly look at "roles" as being more important than "energy."

I have never thought of it that way but your so right!

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 3:11:32 PM

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I agree. I often think if you were to peel away the layers, you would find nothing but a hollow space under the first layer with so many people on here.
You said something on another post about being a goat amongst a herd of sheep. I can relate to that. I have never been popular on here because I don't feel the need to follow and be like everyone else. I refuse to be part of the competition. I refuse to agree with someone in an aim to make them like me!!

All these titles to play around with and live up to just make me laugh. It really is lala land for so many and these people are the very people that point a finger at people like me and say 'you don't take this seriously' The answer is, I don't take them seriously.

Only today I got a mail saying 'I don't get you?' ... I wrote back and said 'nobody asked you to' I fit in no box and that confuses people but then I like confusing people

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 3:45:21 PM

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I just can't see being "SirLordPuffsUp" these days.

At least, I can't see it since I quit smoking pot about six years ago.

But I have to admit it's kinda FUN to have a mind that works!

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(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 7:39:44 PM

sweetboundesire

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i think the lack of posts on the "ask a switch" forum points to the lack of enthusiasm in it. People in the D/s realm like the simplicity of it being "either - or"

When i first discovered this site, i was new to understanding and looked at switches with perplexity yet ironically, i am one. One part of D/s bdsm is the path of discovery. I lean heavier to the submissive, especially with men. I'm hard headed. I don't know if that therein lies a switch, lol, yet i do know when i am with women, I enjoy dominating and never enjoyed being entirely dominated by a woman...if anything, between females it is give & take with topping. I'm not well traveled down this road enough to give more than this. I just think switches mean things are more complicated for a Dom or sub to figure out so they thus "leave it out" of their search.

When people are really into discovery and exploration of who they are and who they are with, i wouldn't see being a switch as an issue, esp with the a.d.d. types in the bdsm realm...i would see it as an advantage and challenge. All interesting people love a challenge:)

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 7:41:07 PM

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I think if a switch is blowing you, you'd have to look down on her.................. No?

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 8:25:51 PM

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It depends....is she blowin' in the wind?

That will provide the answer, my friend.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/7/2010 11:45:51 PM

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quote:

I get what you're saying. It's just that I haven't found a partner yet and I fear that my tag as a switch may ward off potential mates. But I suppose it's a good test because anyone who really interests me won't be too wrapped up in the label.

It's not just a question of being able to find someone who can get past the label... denying yourself who you really are is a road that MANY switches have been down before, and it very rarely ends well. Sure, I've seen more than My fair share of people who used being a switch basically as an excuse to be able to be able to go after whoever/whenever they want, but usually it's these same people who're just playing at the game of being in the lifestyle to begin with.

Most people who are switches, I think if they were to truly be honest with themselves would much rather just be one or the other just to feel more accepted by the community in general. But if we REALLY cared that much for being accepted... well, getting dressed up in leather, swinging bullwhips, tying people up, and just everything that modern uptight society has considered taboo, doesn't do much for fitting in with the folks on the PTA board anyways, now does it? My point is: we are who we are, and call Me an old fashioned romantic sap, but I firmly believe that everyone has someone out there who is perfect for them. The trick is just to find them.

(in reply to GoFigure)

RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/8/2010 1:52:45 AM

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I spent many years as a dominant woman. I had a curious side about submission but only curious. I ended up with a dominant man that up to meeting me hadn't switched but had a healthy curiosity about it. So here we have two dominant people attempting to push each others submissive button and having lots of fun into the bargain.
Two dominant people with lots of enthusiasm to explore but not stuck with a rule book of how things 'should be'.
Two people that no longer felt the need to take this so seriously that it would rule our lives and the people in it.
Two lovers that couldn't give a monkeys ass if we were accepted of frowned upon by a community that has so many dysfunctional relationships.

I ride crazy horses and sail on big waves whilst trying to fix the mast. I carefully paint my nails and put on a pretty dress. I have always been a tom boy but I have also enjoyed my gentle feminine side. The best of both worlds makes life more interesting. Some of us need that and some of us don't.

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RE: Are switches looked down upon? - 4/17/2010 12:21:07 AM

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I believe that switches are looked down upon by people who believe that, because they are settled on one or the other, feel as if they are superior and on a higher scale than those who switch between one or the other. Some because they assume switches are ones who have yet to decide and because they have decided, they feel more mature than the switch and others because they get a feeling like they are a "pure-bread" where as switches would be "mutts" or mixed breed. I for one have no problem with switches, enjoy them and have found the ones I have become acquainted with the be quite nice.

(in reply to CarrieO)

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