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Elisabella -> RE: Is it a "lifestyle"? (3/15/2010 7:33:52 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dananddawn
Is this a lifestyle, what we do? Is it a hobby? just a fetish? We are discussing on the podcast tonight. What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are that it's different for everyone. For me it's primarily a sexuality. My husband and I have a fairly traditional, patriarchal marriage, but that's not D/s to me, that's just a traditional vanilla relationship, but the ways in which we relate to each other on an intimate level are D/s oriented. Not just sex itself, but the way we flirt with each other and everything else that encompasses our sexuality is always viewed through a D/s lens.
A lot of people on here are 24/7 or TPE D/s or M/s and for them I'd say it's more of a lifestyle because it encompasses their whole life. It's the foundation of the relationship not just the sexual aspect. Other people might just play at parties and not want D/s to be a foundation of either relationship or sexuality, and that would be more like a 'hobby' as you said, as well as people who are really into something like shibari and go to conventions to learn new techniques. And still other people might be in it for one specific fetish - shoe worship or queening or CD or anything else that draws them, without the power exchange element.
Also these things can overlap. I met someone once who was a hardcore shibari enthusiast and fetish photographer (hobby) who was also in a D/s relationship with his wife and active in the local scene (lifestyle) who was in an open marriage and had casual BDSM play/sex partners (sexuality) and to top it off he really liked women in stockings and high heels (fetish) so you can't just limit it to one or the other.
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