Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (Full Version)

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Meeoow -> Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 12:42:01 PM)

Question for those who are in long distant relationships and don't have the opportunity to be with your dom very often. Does your Dom allow you to talk with other Doms simply on a casual basis and even further does he allow you to play with other doms such as at play parties and public venues? Not so much privately. If he doesn't do you feel like you are missing out on some of the more intense play or does it really matter to you.



LadyPact -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 12:51:10 PM)

From the other side of the kneel.

I allow My boy to play with others in those situations where we will be separated by distance for certain lengths of time.  I also allow him to bottom to others under certain conditions even when I'm there.  In both cases, My approval is necessary.  There is no private play that comes into this.  Something that would occur at a public setting is the more likely scenario.  This refers to play only.  At no time is he permitted to submit to anyone else.  I'm very much of the opinion that if he feels he wants that, he may have it, but not while being collared by Me.

As for talking with other Dominants, I have a very high standard of protocol for this.  The communications with him need to go through Me in some fashion.  Even if it is just the courtesy of a note from someone asking if they might have a bit of My boy's time.



DarkSteven -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 1:00:14 PM)

Being in an LDR is hard.  But you knew that going in.

As a Dom, I would not allow a long distance sub to play with others if I wanted to keep her.  Too much danger that they would go to the Dom that was present and leave me.



myotherself -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 1:15:10 PM)

What Steven said.

But from the sub perspective, I find play to be very sexual for me. It needn't actually involve penetration or orgasm, but it's a major turn-on for me. I'm also boringly monogamous, and prefer to keep my sexual activities and feelings for one person. So play with others isn't an option.

As for talking to other Doms - some of my closest real-life friends are Doms, and I greatly enjoy conversing online with some of the fab Doms on this site. I'm not banned from talking to friends - in fact, I'd question any relationship where this might be suggested.

It all boils down to trust. Can I be trusted to talk to a man without cheating on my Dom? Absolutely! I have integrity and a great deal of self-control, so it's not an issue.


edited for spelling catastrophe[/b]



DesFIP -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 2:25:23 PM)

I was ldr for a couple of years. We tried to see each other every three weeks but it turned on to be every six weeks on average. With that said, we were both monogamous and just dealt with it. I don't like casual, nsa, relationships so I'm fine not having play or sex between. He also prefers a committed relationship to a one night stand. We didn't miss out on anything, we just had more to look forward to.



littlewonder -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 4:17:29 PM)

He allows me to talk to whoever I want and go wherever I want because he trusts me.

The issue fo me playing casually at clubs or what not never ever comes up because I don't do bdsm clubs and I don't fuck or play with others since I'm completely monogamous and committed to one man and one only.



Kana -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 5:18:02 PM)

What's mine is mine.
I don't share well or nicely.

But sure she can talk to whoever she wants. Hell. If I didn't trust her, WTF would I let her in my life?



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 5:22:11 PM)

I wouldn't ever let my dom control who I talked to, any doms who wanted that just wouldn't be compatible with me, and daddy has no interest in controlling who I talk to thankfully. However yes when we were long distance he did let me play with others, and we had rules in place for that, and I adhered to those rules and most of the play was done privately and he had no problem with that.

I'm not entirely monogamous so even if he were not long distance I'd expect to get to feed that need to play with others every now and then. Course that's a topic for another subject. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Meeoow

Question for those who are in long distant relationships and don't have the opportunity to be with your dom very often. Does your Dom allow you to talk with other Doms simply on a casual basis and even further does he allow you to play with other doms such as at play parties and public venues? Not so much privately. If he doesn't do you feel like you are missing out on some of the more intense play or does it really matter to you.



wisdomtogive -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 5:23:44 PM)

Casual play never was a topic brought up between us, when we were in ldr. Most likely because He knew it isn't my thing. Talking with other Doms has never been controlled. He knew when i did, since i don't hide anything. He never asked to read emails or cmails from them. Now we are together, i still can, but i don't. I didn't either when we were in ldr. Just not my thing.

edit to clarify
i never talked on an ongoing bases with any dom. i might ask them a question on a post they made, or they might respond to my post.



bondmaid123 -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 6:03:05 PM)

My master and I live about three hours apart.  Normally we try to spend weekends together, and so far that's worked pretty well (although that drive.. ugh.....)  I talk to other doms all the time (says the woman who's currently IM'ing with three other doms as she peruses the fora.. lol).  My master doesn't have issues with that at all.  Play is a grey area.  I don't know, honestly.  We agreed to an "open relationship" in the beginning and he's scened with other folks, but since I'm not really into the more extreme or painful types of play, I haven't really felt the urge to even approach the subject, although there are some doms I feel an attraction/affinity with  with and maybe when I'm more comfortable in his social circle (they seem like really great people, I'm just still kinda new, eh?) I'll broach the subject....  I have *no* idea (and need to have that conversation with him) re: sex, honestly.  While he *said* he was comfortable with it, I have this distinct feeling, all these several months later since we had those initial conversations about relationship boundaries, that he would not be as comfortable with it as he claims.



DWCskitten -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 8:06:57 PM)

~Fast Reply~
my Master & i live over 3,000 miles apart....He lives in FL and i live in WA, and i am going to see Him next month. If a Dom/me wants to communicate w/ me, i need to make a request and get permission first. There are certain Dom/mes i have permission to talk to, yes, because i consider Them friends and He understands that. :)

As for play/bottoming or sexual encounters with Others, that is a DEFINITE no no without His permission, and it's NOT very often i have His permission. Once in awhile i do, since He understands that W/we are so far apart and that E/everyone has needs. The times i did have permission, the other Dom backed out anyway. Maybe He did not want to share w/ my Master or something, i have no idea what the reason might have been, but it did not happen.

To answer the other question, Master Sir & i do have our methods of making sure neither of us is left totally without our needs being addressed but, yes, i do miss human touch in intimate encounters but, as i said earlier, i will be seeing Master Sir next month.....also, hopefully, i will be moving to FL later on.

~kitten~



LPslittleclip -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 9:57:04 PM)

eack relationshp or dynamic is diffrent so will be the situation for each ldr. the only way to know what is best or will work for you is to discuss it with your Dom and make some ground rules of what and how it can happen. this is not just a show of ownership but of safty as well for both sides of the kneal.



GreedyTop -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/28/2010 10:17:55 PM)

I can talk to whoever I wish.  I am not allowed to play with others.



littleone35 -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/29/2010 11:17:21 AM)

I have some ex play partners Master lets me talk to them because they were/are also friends. Any Dom's that want to talk to me have to go through Master. OTher then that i can talk to whomever i wish. That being said playing with other , that is not allowed at all . Public/ private does not matter. As he says you are mine and i do not share what belongs to me. it works because not being shared is one of my hard limits.

Matt's littleone



petmonkey -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/30/2010 8:34:45 PM)

Sir allows me to exchange emails with Dom/me's via this site. i do not discuss BDSM, sex, or details of my relationship with them, although i do answer questions in the forums about these things.  i am not allowed nor interested in meeting Dom/mes in real time, even for java.  He likes His toys His, being monogamous in bed and play is part of my submission to Him--was from day one. Furthermore, i must confess that my asshat radar is slightly broken so i'm happy to give that decision-making process as to who i kick it with to Him; all the more-so while He's away.

ETD an extra word.



HisEvelyn -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/30/2010 11:40:32 PM)

My Master and I are very long distance (I'm in CT, he is in Utah). I am free to talk to other doms all I like, as long as they do not make an attempt to poach me away from my Master. He considers this disrespectful and prefers I not interact with people who would disrespect both of us in such a way. Which I thoroughly agree with. But I do enjoy talking to people on here and learn a lot from different perspectives, so that's pretty valuable to me!

We also do not share one another. Play with others is an absolute no-no on either side. We just spend a lot of time on the phone when we are not together. ::grin:: Which is fine for us, as I have no desire for anyone but him, nor him for anyone but me.



slo18 -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/30/2010 11:50:34 PM)

back in the day, i was in an LD relationship wwell actualy two of them. one was my ex feance the distance killed us, but he let me talk with, play with in pubilc, and private, because he enjoyed hearing about me doing so. the second was with my now husband, and he didnt care who i chatted with or talked with, but he did not allow me to play with anyone while we were LD because he was afraid for my safety. now we have been marrid since 2007, and has learned to trust my judgment and i am now able to play as i see fit.



kadine -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/31/2010 1:59:16 AM)

If I were in a long distance relationship, whether I were allowed to play or not,  I couldn't. I'm not made that way, my sexuality is directly tied to my submission, I couldn't play with another, public or private, my surrender would be to him, unless I was -instructed- to play, that would be different, I'd be submitting to my Master by serving those that I'm instructed to play with . As for talking with other Dominants? I would do as my Master instructed me to there as well. 



HisSub1213 -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (3/31/2010 1:00:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He allows me to talk to whoever I want and go wherever I want because he trusts me.

The issue fo me playing casually at clubs or what not never ever comes up because I don't do bdsm clubs and I don't fuck or play with others since I'm completely monogamous and committed to one man and one only.



what littlewonder said. [;)]



PrettyJewel -> RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship (6/21/2010 9:55:27 AM)

I'm allowed to chat online, but when it comes to meeting someone - for coffee or anything else - he needs to give permission. That said, I just received a comment from a local Dom who thinks I'm not independent enough to make up my own mind, and that asking "some dude" who is 3,000 miles away for permission is not something he's into. Uh, red flag?

I do feel a bit sad without being in his close proximity, however he's promised to put me in touch with a friend out here until we can be together again.

- Jewel



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