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ORIGINAL: tsuta

Is that what Dom(me)s want, too? Do people with a Dominant personality have this desire to have this positive influence on someone's life, like us subs have the desire of being controlled ect? I mean, wanting to be a good influence on others and particularly the ones you love is pretty normal, whatever your personality type might be, right? I want to help others too. But is it a strong trait for Dominants?

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ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

It is important to remember that there is a difference between a Dominant man and a therapist. Many submissive women seek out the latter, which is a mistake.

i often say that a Dominant man is on his own life's journey, just like a submissive woman is on hers. And his Dominance -and his development as a Dominant man - is his journey, he owns it and becomes whatever man he wants to be in that process.

Many Dominant men are Dominant because they actually are very sensitive (shh, don't tell anyone) and they feel the emotions from their submissive very strongly - and they want to take her into themselves, in a way....it is called empathic intuition, they want to know everything about her, care about her, nurture her, and even protect her from the world...but most importantly, they want her to be happy. These are yummy things - but not therapy.

There are other reasons to be Dominant, of course, the need for power and control is a strong one, as well as other more sadistic tendencies - and there are those who just want the relationship to be "easy" and see this as the way to accomplish it.

But regardless of each Dominant's individual needs, there is a compliment in a submissive woman "out there" somewhere, and vice versa. i just always encourage submissive women to remember, you're in a relationship, and you are responsible for one half of that relationship - it's not all about your needs and whatever "therapy" you can get from a Dominant man. Save that for real therapy, or do yoga, or meditate, or something else - whatever works - but own that yourself, don't make it all his responsibility....because there is no way one human being can "fix" another. Therapists go to school for many years and get paid well for a reason - and they still can't "fix" everyone! So don't put that pressure on someone else.

Just have fun and enjoy the ride together on your life's journey, while he gets to enjoy his - with you.

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Read the boards enough and you'll be able to pick out the selfish dominants and the selfish submissives.

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ORIGINAL: tsuta

Sorry for the vague title :( im bad at briefly summarizing my ideas...

Last night's topic on the first chatroom, about being positive, got me thinking and asking myself a lot of questions... often i find myself not really understanding why is it that Dom(me)s are what they are. I mean, i can sort of understand why i have submissive desires, but the other side, altho i'm very happy and grateful they exist, is still a mystery to me in many ways.

We hear a lot about subs (or at least, i think so, because i feel that way sometime) wanting to be in a D/s relationship in part (not JUST for that) to have a role model, motivator, guide, someone who will, basically, push them to improve themselves, provide a structure, safety, who will *make* you (altho you have to want it, in no way i think its up to the Dom/Master to do the work for the sub, just mostly provide the structure and push needed) stop being negative and unproductive (to make the link as to why last night's chat triggered all those questions in me)...

I don't mean people with huge problems that should be dealed with by therapy... take me for exemple. I dont have that high a degree of psychological problems.... but i do have some difficulty with self esteem, being motivated and active in life, ect. Which doesnt mean that i'm an.. emo couch potatoe or something. I've gone a loooon way and improved a lot mostly all by myself. But i feel like the context of a D/s relationship would help me unlock my true potential, which i want to get to, and probably would be able to by myself, altho with great difficulty and lots of time. Not that i think it would be easier with a Master but it would help me stay more focused and become more regular about it, most likely. And yeah, feeling that someone is proud of me is a huge motivator. Is that a crime? Humans are social creatures, why do we keep the belief that we should be able to do everything alone before being "worthy" of a relationship, and then people like me get pointed at and called emotional addicts/dependant/afraid to be alone ect

ERM but i'm straying from my topic, which is already getting too long by now... D:

So, we see subs wanting this BUT

Is that what Dom(me)s want, too? Do people with a Dominant personality have this desire to have this positive influence on someone's life, like us subs have the desire of being controlled ect? I mean, wanting to be a good influence on others and particularly the ones you love is pretty normal, whatever your personality type might be, right? I want to help others too. But is it a strong trait for Dominants?

Or is it something you deal with but would rather do without and just get the slave (not saying that in "negative" way, i would guess that if this is the case there would still be other areas that would need training and all, and you might be interrested in that, but not the strenuous stuff that i was talking about) ...

Or would most Doms do this for their own advantage (getting a better slave), but not out of a craving to be a guide ect?

Or all of the above, mixed in different amount depending on who the Dom is...

...basically i would like answers to that question but in the end, i would *mostly* like to figure out what being a Dom is about (at least the different point of views from the Doms that will respond to this, i know everyone is different...) .. i mean, is it mostly just getting off on being Dom sexually but then as the relationship grows it extend to those things too.. or is doing those thing a pre existing desire... and why.. people ask so often what being a sub is about, whats the difference between a sub and a slave and blah blah blah... i want to know and understand the other side!

Cheers :) and sorry for the novel

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Is that what Dom(me)s want, too? Do people with a Dominant personality have this desire to have this positive influence on someone's life, like us subs have the desire of being controlled ect?

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The short and quick of it, D types want you to show up. It's that simple

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

LadyPact,

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The short and quick of it, D types want you to show up. It's that simple

Wow. Can I clone you?

~porcelaine