RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 8:40:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?


Sooooooooo, is there a new rule that the dominant party cannot end the relationship anytime he/she wants?



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 9:39:27 AM)

If the submissive needs him more than he needs to keep her then she is going to do things for him beyond her comfort zone. Thus, she is not in control. On the other hand....you get the idea.



Musicmystery -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 9:42:19 AM)

I'm no BDSM authority.

However, the bulk of the BDSM relationships I've seen have the submissive (girl) in control of the situation.

There are exceptions, and I find the happier girls are in the exceptions.

Not a judgment--just my observation.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 9:48:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?


Sooooooooo, is there a new rule that the dominant party cannot end the relationship anytime he/she wants?



Only in CSI land. In the real world, nope. If my slave ever breaks my hard limits, we're done.



DWCskitten -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 10:13:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

In reality, the Dominant OR the sub/slave can end the relationship any time He/she wants. In MY reality, if i insist on ending the session, it might result in Him ending the relationship. He is the one to end the relationship. If i choose to leave without His okay, i would be considered a runaway slave and, if that's the case, why would any other Dominant want me then?

~kitten~



leadership527 -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 10:19:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
Smutmonger said: No matter how big or bad a master/mistress thinks they are -- the only power they really have is what the sub gives to them.
and with those words I couldn't agree more!

Personally, I find this rather to be one of those statements that is not true for Carol and I. It seems so intuitively obvious on the face of it. As I've dug deeper into what goes on between Carol and I, however, I've become less and less convinced that it's true. My thoughts on that have nothing to do with what a big bad dom I am since I don't ascribe much value to that. They have to do with a sincere effort to understand the woman I love and have committed my life to. I have no idea what is true or not for other people. For us, however, I'm more and more finding the idea that Carol has a lot of "choice" to be an illusion I cannot afford to maintain if I am to love her and care for her properly.



LaTigresse -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 11:02:02 AM)

For me......it's something that has been made into a 'chicken or egg' argument.

When I actually see it as the argument turning a behaviour and facet of personality into a thing. A person does not 'give me' their submission. Either they submit or they don't, they are either submissive or they are not.

While it sounds flowery and [:'(] the phrase 'inspiring submission' fits my thoughts much better.



masterofholly -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 11:04:53 AM)

I am in total control. Well, I would be if only Holly would give me the chance.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 11:14:35 AM)

quote:

Who's really in control the Dom or sub?


Considering how those labels are tossed around on CM - the question is irrelevant.

On a personal basis, within my relationship, the unqualified answer is: - I am.



LaTigresse -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 11:15:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterofholly

I am in total control. Well, I would be if only Holly would give me the chance.


Udaman![:D]



DomImus -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 4:34:13 PM)

I would pretty much agree with the CSI statement. This is one of those "Emperor's New Clothes" moments and in an effort to keep the illusion alive most people in most bdsm dynamics just refuse to admit that the guy is naked. People put the same spin on safewords. They are what they are -  a vehicle whereby the submissive can arbitrarily stop everything on a dime for any reason or no reason at all. Good idea or not, it constitutes control.

Kidnap someone in a parking lot, force them into your vehicle and take them to your home and lock them in your basement. Now you are in control. Anything short of that is something less than control.

The dude really is naked. Look closer.



PrimalConsonance -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 5:10:02 PM)

I think any Dom who spends a lot of time worrying about whether or not he's in charge, isn't.



CalifChick -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 5:21:56 PM)

I find it interesting that so many people threw "safewords" into the mix when the OP said nothing about safewords.

I also think the quoted statement is hogwash.  Every relationship except the one you have with yourself involves another person staying in it and therefore agreeing to its terms, and neither has control over the other person, just over themself. 

And before anybody jumps on the statement of "agreeing to its terms", if a dominant says "you will obey me" and the sub doesn't, and the dom doesn't boot the sub, then the terms are not really "you will obey me".

Cali





jbcurious -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 5:31:07 PM)

When I find the Dom who I admire and respect enough to become his...why would I want to be in control?



Kalista07 -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 5:42:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?


My honest response to this is that if only everything was as easily solved in a simple hour.... I mean you know we are getting ready to move in to the house he is buying, we are planning a wedding, I'm dealing with some health issues, but hot damn..... We've been  together more than an hour so our problems should have been solved by now....

Sometimes television is just for entertainment.....

Kali




littlewonder -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 6:15:37 PM)

either one can end the relationship for whatever reason they want. your point is what???





LadyAngelika -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 6:21:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance

I think any Dom who spends a lot of time worrying about whether or not he's in charge, isn't.


Brilliantly said.

- LA



takemeforyourown -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 6:22:35 PM)

Dr. Laura says the weaker person in in control of the relationship. But she is a reactionary freak, so who knows?



Jeffff -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 6:26:40 PM)

Control is My gig. If it makes her happy to think otherwise?, thats cool. Untill the rubber hit the road....or her ass, as the case may be.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? (3/29/2010 6:51:15 PM)

Imagine a car racing through a turn and skidding...some might say the driver is in control, others might say he isn't. The driver might think he is in control but may or may not be. The driver may recover from the skid and make it through the turn and it might be luck or skill.

When you are on the sidelines, sometimes it is easy to tell and sometimes it isn't.



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