quote:

ORIGINAL: beej

do you see a significant difference in the types (age, physical characteristics, professions, personalities) of people that you attract when you are a sub swimming amongst dominants as opposed to when you are a dominant swimming with submissives?

When I was looking for/involved with dominant men, they tended to be older.  I found I was also attracted to more sophisticated and intellectual gentlemen.  They're few and far between. 
 
Now that I'm more interested in my own dominant side, I find I'm interested in men who are younger, creative and shy.  I've had the pleasure recently of spending time with a couple young men in uniform (though I'll not say what uniform it was ) who were very sweet, attentive and had wonderful manners. I like gentlemen regardless of the label they choose to identify with.

even if you don't self-identify which mode you are in, do you find that certain types of dominants or certain types of subs are attracted to the particular voodoo that you do as a sub or a dominant? 

I'm learning to be more aware of this.  I've said before, and have alluded to it in my sig line, that I'm evolving/growing/becoming...call it what you will...into who I'm meant to be.  This being aware is just part of it...discovering my particular brand of voodoo.  Therefore, I'll have to get back to you on this one.

me for example, i know what i like in a man and i usually select from those who fall in that range, but still i welcome a wider range just to see what may be. i'm looking for someone special, after all, not someone just off the rack. interestingly, when i'm feeling subby, i very specifically seem to attract slightly older, accomplished, charismatic, artistic and/or cultured men. on the other hand since i've been feeling dommy, i've been attracting younger aggressive professionals, athletic mchotties, or some combination of both. lately, it's like i'm shopping in an Abercrombie and Fitch boutique, and i'm looking around like lol, how did i get here? the mannequins are pretty, but really? again, it's no reflection on what i prefer, it's just what seems to be coming my way.

Ohhh, window shopping can be fun!  Sometimes it helps to try something (someone) on just to have a look in the mirror, make a memory and then file it away as a simple pleasure. Kind of like going to Tiffiany's and trying on the 5 carat diamond even though it's not your style...just for the pleasure of seeing yourself from a different angle.
If that makes sense.

anyone else have split statistics as such, and/or any theories on why it might be so?

Theory?  People change as they get older...their wants/desires/needs can shift slightly.  Just one explanation...one of many.
 
Totally off topic....OP, I love that you're posting new threads here, in this particular forum.  Great topics... fairly thought-provoking.

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ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged
For me, I tend to attract both sides of men, all the time. But, there are times when I'm attracted more to one then the other...

quote:

CarrieO:
Ohhh, window shopping can be fun! Sometimes it helps to try something (someone) on just to have a look in the mirror, make a memory and then file it away as a simple pleasure. Kind of like going to Tiffiany's and trying on the 5 carat diamond even though it's not your style...just for the pleasure of seeing yourself from a different angle.
If that makes sense.

quote:

Totally off topic....OP, I love that you're posting new threads here, in this particular forum. Great topics... fairly thought-provoking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beej

wonderful point, lol. i think it just makes me wonder, like you were saying about identifying your voodoo, what it is that i'm doing that has caused this change. it is very distinct, and since you seem to have the same, i wonder if it's anything to do with the nature of dominance and submission?

I've tried to decide if this "change" is related to dominance and/or submission or if it's just part of growing/evolving...the sort of thing that happens as we get older and more secure in own own skin.  I'm learning to accept the duality within which sometimes comes across in a dominant form or position or in a more subtly submissive way.  For me, the shift is heading away from submission, even though I wasn't a submissive to start but more of a bottom, and moving into a positon of dominance that has less to do with kink and more to do with the person that I am. 

As far as the nature of dominanc and submission, I've heard and read so many different theories and definitions that I'm coming to realize that there are times it's best to define it myself.  My type of dominance...My type of submission.  Regardless of the books out there that try to say otherwise, there isn't a handbook for this and so much seems trial and error.  I'm not refering to topping skills but more about having a dominant or submissive personality.  In the case of a switch, one who is able to be either outside of topping or bottoming, there's an amount of flexibility and openmindedness that's required in order to understand both side of the power dynamic.
 
Ok...that was totally stream of consciousness writing and I really hope it made sense.  


very few were the dominant men in my peer range period who seemed intrinsically dominant as a persona and as a lifestyle, but a lot of the silver foxes had that (or maybe had grown into it? i dunno).

I agree with this which is why I tended to be more attracted to older men when seeking a dominant partner. 

anyway, as a switch, i respond when the dominance is deep seated in personality and action. with men who have dominant kink but not totally alpha personalities, i'm not moved so much, because i have a lot of alpha in my personality. a man has to one up me to rule.

Yeah, that one-up-me thing isn't unsual for me. 

i mean, i wasn't paying attention when i made the switch from sub to domme mode. it wasn't conscious, i just drifted that way from fantasy and discussion and reacting to people that i'd met.

Back to that evolving thing again.  Growth is good...who wants to be a stagnant pond?

but i consider myself as acting from the same personality; i'm always a switch, though i may solicit as a Domme or a sub according to the mode. the feeling of flux is always in my chest anyway, so the change mode mainly depends on what i'm lusting to act out or live out for experience.

Frustrating, isn't it?  Personally, and thisis just my opinion, I think this is perfectly normal and something many people experience within kink but aren't willing to express or admit to because of the clear and defined lines most see as acceptable within the lifestyle.  There's still a stigma attached to being a switch that is seen as being indecisive and just greedy in wanting to play all the parts in the performance. 
 
My switchiness manifests itself in so many ways that aren't just kink related...I'm a gemini for goodness sakes! 

but it's not like as a sub, i was talking about art and literature and as a Domme, i'm talking about mud wrestling and salsa dancing. i dunno, i guess i'm still figuring it out too, that voodoo.

Funny thing, when I'm in my dominant mindset/position, I feel more willing to express a softer feminine side.  I find strength, not vulnerability, in my feminine qualities.  That voodoo is a tricky thing...hard to label, much like me! 

sounds like the start of a new thread, which leads me to your last:

quote:

Totally off topic....OP, I love that you're posting new threads here, in this particular forum. Great topics... fairly thought-provoking.

trying! lol, every time i check the boards for topics, i feel a little grieved that the switch forum lags so far behind. whenever i can think of a decent distinctly switch thread, i post it up. :) thanks for answering. we have to represent for our tribe!

To quote allthatjazz, from THIS thread,

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I know what you mean about finding something on all the other forums and maybe we don't here because switches just don't have as many problems!

In some ways, this is true. Many times I'll respond to something that comes from where I'm at in a particular moment.  As I said in the the same thread mentioned before...

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<snip>Well, I think this is part of it.  I've noticed when you do admit to feeling either side, more D vs s or vice versa, you're reminded that switches are really only tops or bottoms...now be a good boy/girl and go play somewhere else.<snip>

<snip>I think there's a heck of a lot of switching going on...people just don't want to or aren't comfortable with talking about it as much as the other identifiers.  They'll say things like "I'm a dom/me but I like to bottom, but I'm not a switch" or "I'll top because he/she tells me to, but I'm not a switch."  It's easier for most people to understand identifying words like dom/me, sub, slave...they're clear and more to the point.<snip>

The more I think about it, though, the more I think could be said for and about switch related issues/questions.  In fact, I have one rollin' around in my head right now....and it's all your fault for making me think.

*edited to add some paragraph breaks for clearer reading...hopefully!

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 4/5/2010 6:12:24 PM >

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to beej)