am i crazy? (Full Version)

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gungadin09 -> am i crazy? (4/5/2010 12:12:11 AM)

How many other subs are afraid they're a little bit crazy? i mean, more than average? i'd really like to know, because i've had this fear for a long time. Since i can remember, my parents have told me that i might be crazy. It's hard to take their word for it, though, because they're also a little crazy[:)] . I've never been diagnosed with anything besides low grade depression. But, i've always felt that there's something different about me, that i'm not normal.

It's hard for me to connect with people, to find people that i like. i don't seem to have the same likes and dislikes as others. For example, i love to work, i'm kind of a workaholic, but i find talking to people very hard. i'm extremely introverted, and i need an excessive amount of time to myself. Having to socialise with people for more than an hour at a time is extremely stressful, even if i like the person. For example, i once broke up with a boyfriend because we went on a road trip together and he talked the whole time. i wanted to jump out of the car. i do like being around other people, but having to talk constantly, or listen constantly, drives me up the wall. I do well in jobs where i'm around other people, but i don't have to talk constantly, like in a kitchen.

But it gets worse. i lived in my car for 2 years, not because i had to, but because i just didn't want to deal with people. Actually, it was kind of an over-reaction to a series of really bad roommates and resentment from not being employed full time during the recession. i got so tired of getting screwed that finally i just said, "Fuck it, i'll just live in my car!" But i did it for a long time, even when my money problems were long past. i just honestly did not want to deal with another person.

i guess i have kind of extreme reactions to things. When someone violates my trust, i take it personally and it takes a long time to get over it. This seems to happen a lot. i don't know if there's something about me, or i'm just being overly sensitive. For example, about a year ago i quit my job because people there were always talking about me behind my back, and no one would really talk to me, and if they did, they were rude. i don't know exactly what was being said, because nothing was said to my face, but you can kind of tell when people are unfriendly to you, and giving each other looks, and stuff. i think it was just because i'm really, really quiet, and i work hard, and for some reason that makes people really uncomfortable around me. This wasn't the first job i've had where people have treated me like i'm retarded or something, because i act different than them. What frustrates me is that i'm really good at my job, and i do not run around criticizing other people behind they're backs. i want to ask if there's other subs who have encountered this sort of thing, because, honestly, this kind of viciousness really upsets me, and it happens fairly often. My parents think that it's my fault. Are they right?

i realise it's hard for anyone to answer these questions without actually knowing me. How are you supposed to tell if i'm crazy or not? i was just wondering if any other subs out there have had similar experiences or have people who consistently tell them that they're crazy or weird. Thanks for reading this.
pam




Justme696 -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 12:21:47 AM)

I am not a sub.....but I recoqnize some friends in your words

Crazy? no Different? yes.
If it makes you happy ...then I see no problem.
People might be afraid a little of the unknown..or people who are different. They like to talk about those who are different. People talk way to much nehative about others, while their own life is full of shit. Let them focus on that first.

Anyway......Either you are who you are..or you adjust.




myotherself -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 12:34:34 AM)

~FR~

I wouldn't say crazy [:)]

Not everyone is the same - I too need a lot of 'me' time, and get a bit stressed when forced to be around people for too long.

However, reading between the lines of your post, it seems you struggle with relating to others, don't really 'get' their social signals, find you get obsessed with stuff (work, living in your car)....maybe there's a hint of Asperger's going on there? I only say this because I have worked with teens with Aspergers and there's a lot of bells ringing in my head.

But just let me tell you that it doesn't make you crazy, or sick, or any of that crap. It's just a different way of living and relating to others, and is a lot more common that you may think! Or you may have a touch of depression. Or you may be the kind of person who really, really enjoys their own company. It's a tough call!

My advice...for what it's worth. Go see your doctor and ask to be referred to a mental health professional. They are the experts - they can help you figure out what the issues are, and point you in the right direction to make you feel more at ease with yourself. There is no stigma in seeing these people - many of us have been there, seen it, got the t-shirt.

But whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck [:D]




domiguy -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 6:03:38 AM)

Yeah, you are probably crazy. Not the bad kind of shoot people out of a bell tower kind of crazy but you lean more towards the I'll just live in my car when I don't have to and I believe that "just because i'm really, really quiet, and i work hard, and for some reason that makes people really uncomfortable around me....."...kind of crazy.

Most Americans agree that you are suffering from one of the more favored types of crazy that there is. You should take some solace in that.

After multiple readings of your post, going over decades of notes and research and a lengthy discourse with fellow colleagues I have reached my diagnosis...Here is your personal testimony that helped lead me towards my decision.."This wasn't the first job i've had where people have treated me like i'm retarded or something, because i act different than them."

You see, most people treat the retarded in a certain manner because, well...they are retarded. Now being a retard doesn't necessarily make one crazy. However, you are obviously not retarded or overly "slow" because you can manage to drive around in your home, log on to a computer thingy and actually work in a kitchen and still possess enough fingers to type. (unless you are typing with some sort of a pointy apparatus stuck to your head or in your mouth)

So here is the dealio...You are the crazy ass loner type. You lean more towards having a fulfilling career as a bag lady then that of a serial killer. so let's face facts, there are worse gigs around. Don't trip.

So what should you do? You don't like to talk so a ball gag is probably not necessary. You are a self admitted workaholic...( Mmmmmm....workahol.) Find something that you can put all of your energies into. Something that you really dig that allows you to avoid human contact. Perhaps some sort of maintenance work on the space station?

You mention that you are a crazy ass sub but you don't really illuminate much your about past relationships other than you wanted to jump out of a car to ditch some overly talkative douchebag of a boyfriend. Unfortunately, that kind of shit happens rather routinely. So there is not much to be gleaned from your past liaisons that could lead one to understand why you have been so thoroughly immersed in bat shit

Are you attractive? If you are, mad props to you. That's really all I got to say about that.

Take solace in one other known fact...Crazy people tend to be great fucks.




GraciousLady -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 6:33:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

How many other subs are afraid they're a little bit crazy? i mean, more than average? i'd really like to know, because i've had this fear for a long time. Since i can remember, my parents have told me that i might be crazy. It's hard to take their word for it, though, because they're also a little crazy[:)] . I've never been diagnosed with anything besides low grade depression. But, i've always felt that there's something different about me, that i'm not normal.

It's hard for me to connect with people, to find people that i like. i don't seem to have the same likes and dislikes as others. For example, i love to work, i'm kind of a workaholic, but i find talking to people very hard. i'm extremely introverted, and i need an excessive amount of time to myself. Having to socialise with people for more than an hour at a time is extremely stressful, even if i like the person. For example, i once broke up with a boyfriend because we went on a road trip together and he talked the whole time. i wanted to jump out of the car. i do like being around other people, but having to talk constantly, or listen constantly, drives me up the wall. I do well in jobs where i'm around other people, but i don't have to talk constantly, like in a kitchen.

But it gets worse. i lived in my car for 2 years, not because i had to, but because i just didn't want to deal with people. Actually, it was kind of an over-reaction to a series of really bad roommates and resentment from not being employed full time during the recession. i got so tired of getting screwed that finally i just said, "Fuck it, i'll just live in my car!" But i did it for a long time, even when my money problems were long past. i just honestly did not want to deal with another person.

i guess i have kind of extreme reactions to things. When someone violates my trust, i take it personally and it takes a long time to get over it. This seems to happen a lot. i don't know if there's something about me, or i'm just being overly sensitive. For example, about a year ago i quit my job because people there were always talking about me behind my back, and no one would really talk to me, and if they did, they were rude. i don't know exactly what was being said, because nothing was said to my face, but you can kind of tell when people are unfriendly to you, and giving each other looks, and stuff. i think it was just because i'm really, really quiet, and i work hard, and for some reason that makes people really uncomfortable around me. This wasn't the first job i've had where people have treated me like i'm retarded or something, because i act different than them. What frustrates me is that i'm really good at my job, and i do not run around criticizing other people behind they're backs. i want to ask if there's other subs who have encountered this sort of thing, because, honestly, this kind of viciousness really upsets me, and it happens fairly often. My parents think that it's my fault. Are they right?

i realise it's hard for anyone to answer these questions without actually knowing me. How are you supposed to tell if i'm crazy or not? i was just wondering if any other subs out there have had similar experiences or have people who consistently tell them that they're crazy or weird. Thanks for reading this.
pam


Each person has their own ways. Your obviously not the norm as far as society is concerned but are you crazy? Crazy is not being able to think or function and you so obviously are a thinking and functioning person. (you may want to google psychotic. that's what real crazy is) Also, you are having a problem fitting in with those around you in the course of life. I can not know what the problem is there but I suspect it just boils down to you not being mainstream enough and your preference for being alone does nothing to encourage that situation to get better. Maybe you should just accept yourself for who you are and understand those around you in your day to day life have not been privy to this thread so can not understand. And, in the end if your really upset by whats going on you can talk to a professional who may be able to help you deal with mainstream society a bit differently.




Phoenix73Sir -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 6:45:50 AM)

Everyone is unique. we all have quirks and our own eccentricities, it just seems that you may have more than most.  The trick is to stay true to who YOU are and not try to fit into a mould that you obviously don't fit in trying to be what any branch of society be it Vanilla or BDSM or any other lifestyle tries to force you into.

There will be someone out there who will fit. you search may be a tad more difficult than most peoples but don't doubt yourself.

I do agree with the posters here who have suggested seeking out professional help.  These days they are more reluctant to try to fix everything with drugs. No one wants to be a doped up zombie but they can help you to come to terms with who you are as often having a lable for a condition makes it easier to understand. Lables don't FIX it but it does help you identify and feel less alone in the world.

I wish you luck on the journey you have ahead and hope you do find what it is that you truly seek




Jeffff -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 6:46:46 AM)

You may talk o' gin and beer
When you're quartered safe out 'ere,
An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it;
But when it comes to slaughter
You will do your work on water,
An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.
Now in Injia's sunny clime,
Where I used to spend my time
A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen,
Of all them blackfaced crew
The finest man I knew
Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din!
Hi! slippery hitherao!
Water, get it! Panee lao!
You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din."



I hope this helps




switch2please -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 8:08:38 AM)

I can relate to some of this. I'm also quite an introvert, though not to the same degree.
I like to say I learned social skills as a second language, and the people I get along with best all have a similar streak of crazy.




Smutmonger -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 8:14:11 AM)

I'm eccentric-it's the rest of you that are nutz.[:D]




AllLockedUp -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 8:27:52 AM)

If your solace works for you, then FTW!!!!!




DesFIP -> RE: am i crazy? (4/5/2010 8:53:45 AM)

You have really poor social skills. You don't know how to get along with people except by ignoring them. You can't screen well when it comes to roommates.

However this is all learnable. You've learned all kinds of other skills in life, so go learn this one. Group therapy, self help groups would all be of help in this.




RealSub58 -> RE: am i crazy? (4/9/2010 11:16:54 AM)

you might want to remember:

I control my own feelings....
Other people's actions and words CANNOT control my feelings. 
I Choose how I respond/react.
Only I am the secret to MY happiness. NOT others.





kiwisub12 -> RE: am i crazy? (4/9/2010 4:55:54 PM)

You might be a bit nutty - but so is everyone else.

For the longest time, I felt like i was on the sidelines of life, watching everyone else LIVE. It took talk therapy for me to jump into the river of life. But one way or another, live the life you have in the way that makes you happy. If you aren't happy, seek help or assistance. It would be awful if you hit 50 and realised that half of your life was spent miserable.




petitbateau -> RE: am i crazy? (4/9/2010 5:11:21 PM)

I do often think if I'm crazy too. as a sub, as a fashion addict, as a human being... I just don't fit in the mass.

so well, yes, I am crazy. all the things I did and enjoyed are by definition "crazy" stuff. but I did them because I wanted, because I knew.

hence, probably, I am totally nut. but I decided somehow to explore that side of me that no one else want to see or show.
what you have to remember though is that your "craziness" mustn't interfere with your life.
that's the edge actually, at least from me. I know when it's coming and I know what to do to avoid the crisis.

so learn about yourself, teach yourself, explore yourself.
but don't indulge as well. you have to learn how to manage yourself properly.
it's not easy, I know. it's not possible always. sometimes you just have to shut down.
but don't give up and search.
you'll find your craziness much more interesting that way :D




pyroaquatic -> RE: am i crazy? (4/10/2010 4:16:32 PM)

quote:

Crazy people tend to be great fucks.


Thanks for standing up for us abnormal folk.

As to the OP:

Everything is going to be alright.

<==== I'm in with the crazies.




zephyroftheNorth -> RE: am i crazy? (4/10/2010 4:22:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

quote:

Crazy people tend to be great fucks.


Thanks for standing up for us abnormal folk.

As to the OP:

Everything is going to be alright.

<==== I'm in with the crazies.



...and back online! WB pyro [:)]




pyroaquatic -> I AM CRAZY (4/10/2010 5:00:42 PM)

Note that is an affirmation.

I am Crazy. With the medications I am now taking (antidepressants and anti-psychotics) I have to learn how to focus my eyes again. It was like seeing for the first time in a while. It is amazing what your brain paints when all you have is black and red. (bye bye clouds). My moods were seriously flippant. My brain has had immense difficulty producing Serotonin.

So there I am.... popping pills to counteract some side effects of medication that balances my mood. Oh, and if you are going to harm yourself (cutting, picking.... what..ever...) I would wear one of those bracelets that is made out of some latex. I have a pink one on my left wrist and whenever I feel that desire I pluck it.


Despite the side effects I think it is worth it to get to a mental health professional and have em screw around with the ol noggin.

If you have felt or feel suicidal seek help NOW. I've had a few of those intense feelings.... but never went through. I am so glad that I did not take that route.

There are lovely ladies and gentle Anteaters here (all men are now anteaters). Relax.

Goooossseefrabaaaaaa





JstAnotherSub -> RE: I AM CRAZY (4/10/2010 5:35:33 PM)

i finally decided to embrace my insanity...fighting it was futile.

its kinda like panic attacks to me, the more i think of not wanting it around, the more likely it is to come knock on the door, so i decided to find a way to coexist with the insanity.

so far it works for us.




DWCskitten -> RE: I AM CRAZY (4/10/2010 6:12:09 PM)

i don't have to ask. i KNOW that i'm crazy. But, sometimes it's easier to live in this world that way. lol

~kitten~




pyroaquatic -> RE: I AM CRAZY (4/11/2010 5:20:51 AM)

I thought I was a little crazy. Now I see the workings of my mind are warped and I have to work to de-warp it.




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