RE: Objectifying men - do we do it?

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RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 8:44:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I dunno-a lot of women seem to be trained to see men as walking ATMs. And only want things to do with the ones that were just refilled.

And I'll answer to you that centuries if not millenniums of making women dependant on men is at the core root of this. Change doesn't happen over night on either side of the fence.

I know I've always made more money than any man I've dated, except for one. It isn't my issue.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 9:58:24 AM

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quote]ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I dunno-a lot of women seem to be trained to see men as walking ATMs.
[/quote]

Whoa, dude, issues much?
Sounds like the 'lot of women' you're talking about are those you see and/or try to date in vanilla porn movies or on your local street corner.

As the name suggests, Lifestyle Dommes are more assertive in boardrooms as well as bedrooms, and being financially and otherwise independent, we just don't see men that way. As for most well-employed women dating well-employed men in the 21st century, the rules are generally alternating who pays for meals, tickets etc., and going Dutch for big ticket items like holidays, with adjustments if one person makes substantially more than the other.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 10:16:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I dunno-a lot of women seem to be trained to see men as walking ATMs. And only want things to do with the ones that were just refilled.

And I'll answer to you that centuries if not millenniums of making women dependant on men is at the core root of this. Change doesn't happen over night on either side of the fence.

I know I've always made more money than any man I've dated, except for one. It isn't my issue.

- LA

I don't want this to turn into a money thread, but I have to agree with LA here. And for the record, I enjoy being in the position of making more money than any man I am involved with, and always have.

For the purposes of this thread, I'm talking about sexually objectifying (or sensually, but I don't want to get into the sex vs. sensuality debate either). I still fall back on the notion that maybe women would enjoy sexually objectifying men more if it were a) physically safe and b) emotionally safe (ie, she would not be called names, labeled, or spread rumors about).

I was in close quarters recently for many days with a group of people, and a lot of the men were fairly charismatic. The youngest was 22 years old, and all of us "older women" (I'd say in numbers we had 4 - 6 corporate women all in their mid 30s to mid 40s). After some drinks were had in the bar one night, the inside joke got started that this boy was our cub, and he was very popular among "us cougars." For the rest of the night, I would say we were borderline objectifying him, in an affectionate way, because he became like a performing puppy or someone on display for our amusement and based on our numbers (5:1) and his youth, he was stripped of any perceived power.

Of course, he lapped up the attention. What I found interesting is that the "vanilla" women had no problem assuming the role of tease, tormentor, objectifier when it was in a safe environment and he was a) clearly enjoying it and b) not posing a threat or trying to make a move on anyone.

Whether or not it relates, I am not sure. I know that in my late 20s and early 30s I prowled for men relentlessly in clubs at times and was totally objectifying to them, but I had good enough radar to find the ones that liked it. I would have done it a lot more - and would continue to do it - if there was a forum where it worked on my terms. But my expectations for the results are too high.

Akasha

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(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:11:16 AM

beej

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Actually, I spent my whole life being a "good man" and NOT objectifying women. It was only with the collaring of Carol that I began to learn that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing her as my sex toy. It's just not the only way I see her.

word.

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:13:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
But do we, as femdoms, ever desire objectifying men? Do you ever want to use a man in some manner - for sexual or S&M pleasure or something else in between - as a means to an ends without much real consideration of who he is as a person or whether or not you have an emotional connection to him?

Oh Hell Yeah. There was this uber hot UPS man at the gym that I wanted to hang by his heals and beat him black and blue. I didn't want to know his name.

_____________________________

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It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:16:50 AM

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Curious as most of these posts seem to be from a Dominant female perspective, but from the submissive side I can say that I "objectify" men, perhaps just not in the same way you ladies are describing. I watch sports, yes because I like them but man are there ever a lot of well built men playing sports, yes some of them probably aren't very bright but they're pretty to look at.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:20:53 AM

beej

Posts: 145
Joined: 1/24/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I was in close quarters recently for many days with a group of people, and a lot of the men were fairly charismatic. The youngest was 22 years old, and all of us "older women" (I'd say in numbers we had 4 - 6 corporate women all in their mid 30s to mid 40s). After some drinks were had in the bar one night, the inside joke got started that this boy was our cub, and he was very popular among "us cougars." For the rest of the night, I would say we were borderline objectifying him, in an affectionate way, because he became like a performing puppy or someone on display for our amusement and based on our numbers (5:1) and his youth, he was stripped of any perceived power. Of course, he lapped up the attention.

i really like this. again, situationally, it's fun for everyone. is objectification a good way to go about relating to every man that you meet? no, i would say. so much about the man will be missed if you only objectify him (though with certain men, i'm fine with missing the forest for that one good piece of wood. ;))

but as you were saying AAkasha, in circumstances where everyone is playing on their charm and their sexual energy, i don't see what's wrong with it. in fact, i see it as something to enjoy like banter and flirtation and a good drink. and frankly, i haven't yet met the man who discouraged me from sexualizing him in friendly social intercourse such as would occur at a party or a bar. i've found that it seems to be a load off for the men. i play the sexual rapport card, and they can relax from the fear of offending me, and the conversation quickly moves toward whatever it is that we mutually enjoy. rarely do we ever actually talk about sex. rather, it's like once the sexual attraction question is asked and answered, the field has been opened for just about everything.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:21:19 AM

sweetboundesire

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i objectify men. I think since men are usually so visual, they would take it as a compliment. I have a serious thing for highway workers! At least in my state! Damn! i WILL slow down for road construction! lol i must anyway, i'm not staring at the road when i see these tan, muscled honeys working hard on our states highways! mmmm mmmmm! I don't mind being objectified either, esp if i am in a dress or skirt. i run and do my best to stay healthy and fit, if someone is looking at me like i look good, that to me is a compliment as well.

I'm not a Domme but thought I'd add my 2 cents...thank the gods it's almost highway construction season!

_____________________________

and every broken line seems to have a particular design~
and the universe can only expand.
gotta pocket full of dreams and cash in my hand.
and i know, money ain't real...

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:22:10 AM

beej

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quote:

ORIGINAL: countrychick
I watch sports, yes because I like them but man are there ever a lot of well built men playing sports, yes some of them probably aren't very bright but they're pretty to look at.

soccer and rugby. anything involving thick thighs and shorts, and i am there.

(in reply to countrychick)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 11:48:04 AM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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I'll be your pawn if you can be my queen

egasp flirtation? WITH CHESS?

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You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
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(in reply to beej)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 1:08:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I wouldn't automatically assume that a sugar daddy either does or does not objectify his companion. I do think that the reciprocation idea is pretty much complete - it defines the necessary ingredient of a relationship that isn't wholly about objectification.

I agree that the matter cannot be generalized. However, in some cases what appears to be reciprocation may simply be mutual objectification (sexual objectification alongside financial objectification).

quote:

The man blinked at about the same regularity, apparently, as people generally do when they're watching a newscaster or presenter on the television. The body language that shows that someone is 'connecting', feels empathy (however small) and needs, therefore, to 'return body language with body language' was absent in this man when he was talking to the psychiatrists. There was little or no human reciprocation, in other words.

Thanks for sharing this story.

quote:

She is, I'd say, unless she recognises that he's lots of things other than just a 'knight in shining armour'.

This idea takes us to the question of when does objectification occur. She has a need she seeks to fulfill. There are multiple candidates who can fulfill this need. When she meets a candidate, a question in her mind might be whether this candidate will fulfill her need. It is unlikely she is taking the man only because he is a knight in shining armor. There may be other traits also. However, this trait may be the primary one.

Can the same then be said of someone who seeks to fulfill a sexual need?

quote:

Recalling my first post here, would a 'James Bond' male prostitute suddenly ruin the whole night for a female client if, say, he were to start talking about personal, emotional problems

I recently came across an article, which I read only briefly because I saw it while sitting in a waiting room, about Tokyo establishments that offer the male equivalent of geisha's to female clients. It was an escort arrangement versus a prostitute arrangement.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 1:28:05 PM

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Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

Sounds like the 'lot of women' you're talking about are those you see and/or try to date in vanilla porn movies or on your local street corner.

As the name suggests, Lifestyle Dommes are more assertive in boardrooms as well as bedrooms, and being financially and otherwise independent, we just don't see men that way. As for most well-employed women dating well-employed men in the 21st century, the rules are generally alternating who pays for meals, tickets etc., and going Dutch for big ticket items like holidays, with adjustments if one person makes substantially more than the other.

While the traits you attribute to a lifestyle domme are admirable and exist in a number of lifestyle dommes, they do not apply generally. I have observed that sexual role preference may or may not align with personality, and, even then, a dominant personality does not always translate to professional or social success.

What you describe for well-employed women seems progressive but it is not always observed. Various social factors and personality traits make for a variety of scenarios in each men and women. Just as one man's respectful behavior towards women does not change that there are a number of men whose behavior is not the same, the behavior of progressive women does not change that there are a number of women whose behavior is not the same. Men raise this issue because they see it and it is particularly present in Fm environments. I invite anyone to browse collarme profiles to see the relative proportions of each type of behavior. While one sees plenty of it in CollarMe profiles, CollarMe is actually moderate in comparison to places like myfemdomspace or femdommesociety.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 4:09:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

i objectify men. I think since men are usually so visual, they would take it as a compliment. I have a serious thing for highway workers! At least in my state! Damn! i WILL slow down for road construction! lol i must anyway, i'm not staring at the road when i see these tan, muscled honeys working hard on our states highways! mmmm mmmmm! I don't mind being objectified either, esp if i am in a dress or skirt. i run and do my best to stay healthy and fit, if someone is looking at me like i look good, that to me is a compliment as well.

I'm not a Domme but thought I'd add my 2 cents...thank the gods it's almost highway construction season!

I remember when I took a summer to build a garage, by myself. I had a woman who lived in the neighborhood stop by and strike up a conversation, and then invite me to dinner. I did work shirtless at times (it was Sacramento in the summer, for goodness sake...) and I suppose I struck her as attractive.

I made the simple mistake of not being a dumb construction worker. I figured out later that she just wanted to have mindless sex with someone she didn't have to have a relationship with.

I suppose it became obvious to her that I wasn't that cliche when I started talking about briefs and constitutional questions. Well, she was an attractive attorney and I was interested in her area of specialization!

My mistake. We never did make it upstairs to bed. Just unclear on the concept, I guess.

(in reply to sweetboundesire)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/11/2010 4:20:12 PM

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I have played casually before, but I didn't feel I was objectifying my partners. Right now, I have an ongoing playpartnership with a submissive woman - she's intelligent, interesting to talk with, has a great sense of humour, and so forth. I suppose I could objectify someone in the sense of having them act as a footstool or focusing on them as a canvas for body art or some such, but I'd still want to at least be friends with them, to have some degree of caring about them. Some guys and some women are great eye candy, but I'm not interested in playing with them or having sex with them until I actually get to know them. I don't think it's out of concern that I'll be called names - like I said, I've had plenty of opportunity to *do* casual play. I'm not interested in casual sex, and I think it would be emotionally harmful to me, regardless of whether or not anyone called me names over it.

(in reply to trueshadow)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/12/2010 9:56:09 PM

BlackTigerDragon

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Women are still objectified sending mankind back a few hundred years.

I don't see why men can't be objectified in the same way women are.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? - 4/12/2010 10:10:07 PM

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I think women objectify men. Though it tends to be in a financial aspect, not in a personal, sexual aspect.

Of course, my entire religious objective is to objectify no one, and so I don't "enjoy" objectifying anyone at random, male or female.

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