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xXsoumisXx -> RE: Practicalities and experiences with online relationships. (4/10/2010 7:03:42 AM)
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ORIGINAL: catize
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With an "online relationship" you get what you are willing to give, as far as time investment, trust, honesty and effort.
I will say that I learned a lot about submission, a lot about myself as a submissive, with an on-line relationship. It was during that time that I developed my philosophy about what submission means to me. I learned that I am capable of surrender to someone ( I believed to be ) the right person. I learned that self discipline is crucial to obedience. I followed every rule as if he had been standing there watching my every move.. I changed my hairstyle, my wardrobe, my weight at his command. I wore make up every day of the week. I did not spend more than $25 without asking his permission (other than groceries). Coffee and books are two of the things in the world that I most enjoy. My coffee consumption was limited, and he dictated how many hours a week I could read. I served his every wish and whim.
I was forbidden to wear shoes or underwear in my house. The basement was chosen by him to be 'neutral' area, so that is where I would don those items if I was going out, or shed them as I was going in. One morning I got to the basement, dressed myself and then realized I had left my purse and car keys upstairs. Despite the fact he was hundreds of miles away and would never know, despite the fact it would take less than a minute to run back upstairs to get my purse and keys, it never entered my head to disobey the rule. I removed my clothes so I could go back upstairs.
He was very much into protocol which I followed to the letter, when we were on-line, on the phone, the times we were able to meet in person.
I know some of you are scoffing because of my current views and the things I say about D/s as I see them now. But that was then, and I believed in and served him with joy in my heart.
We were on-line or on the phone daily. The plan was he would move to my area, get his own place at first. We would learn about each other in person before we lived together. I scouted apartments for him, sent him information he requested.
Y'all know where this is going, I'm sure.
The weekend he was to move came and went. He didn't call, didn't answer his phone. I finally heard from him on-line 2 weeks later He claimed he had moved but to a different state than mine. He “released” me on line. My only response was to suggest he “dom up” and call me to say it in person. He signed off and that was the end.
But it was also my biggest lesson. It didn't matter that I was trustworthy, obedient, and gave the relationship, gave him, my all.
I wish I could say that I am grateful for what I learned about myself, and to an extent I am. I wish I could say that I am glad to know how much of myself I could give, how deeply I could submerge myself to another. But I'm not grateful for that at all. I will never believe again that any one person can or should have that much of me.
I own up to my own culpability here; I will, as one poster on the forum once said to me, take part of the responsibility for 'sitting on the stupid couch'. But I believe, or at least I hope, that I would have seen it coming, seen things more clearly, if it had been a real time rather than an on-line thing.
So now I stay real-time and I keep much of myself to myself. I choose to be with dominants who do not wish to have that much of me.
And I find this very sad. It is the problem with online "Dominants" who prey on new submissives while they are still so pure in their submissiveness.. so willing to give their all, to be so open and vulnerable. It has happened to me, and to many many others. And, yes we should not be so open to one we have not met in person.
I don't think anyone will understand unless they have been there too.
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