Anger

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BigEyes -> Anger (4/3/2006 9:39:49 PM)
Not sure if this is the right place for this post...? When playing with someone about a month ago, he said something that reminded me of a bad part of my life and anger and resentment immediatly bubbled up inside me. I left the room to calm down, and sent him home. I didn't want to hurt him, but I think I could have. Does anyone else worry about this? About suddenly getting angry? Or has anyone been on the receiving end? I worry about the dangers of the past intruding on the present, if that makes sense. Big Eyes

cariad -> RE: Anger (4/3/2006 9:50:20 PM)
girl agrees that You did the right thing in leaving the room to calm down and sending him home...... it takes a big Dom/Domme to admit that They need time to calm down and then later either talk about it with the party/parties involved so they know they did nothing other than stir up some memories. girl has been on the receiving end of things and has also ended up crying because of a painful memory that was brought up. she had to walk out of the room, calm down and explain to the Dom why she was so upset, and when she was on the receiving end her feet got so badly bruised that she could not walk even after saying "RED" to the Dom after which her hand got hurt because she grabbed her belt from Him and told him to leave her place before she threw his clothes out on the street from her 4th floor apartment balcony. he did but as he was leaving he said he would call her later, to which she said that she was going to report him to the yahoo board she belonged to and if need be would also call the police for abusing her and that his good name in the "vanilla" and bdsm community would be ruined for good. of course girl did not call the police, but she did report him to the yahoo board and he is now blacklisted in the community.

CERCKL -> RE: Anger (4/3/2006 10:04:32 PM)
Very intense experiences can bring up very intense emotions...uncalled for, unwanted but very real...being aware of what is happening, looking back and discovering why, what the trigger was can be important...communication during this experience is important between those involved. My Opinion, nothing else. C

FangsNfeet -> RE: Anger (4/3/2006 11:02:48 PM)
Anger is a big part of what leads to abuse. You did the right thing by controlling yourself. Most of if not all of us have anger to controll from time to time. My sub is not my punching bag for anger managment. That's what my punching bag is for. When doing a scene, it's best to be happy having fun rather than being angry. In times of discipline, it's okay to have some anger, just remember controll it. After all, you're only wanting to teach a lesson and not kill the person. You can't be a dom unless you can dominate yourself. It sounds like you're doing a great job.

GoddessAlexia -> RE: Anger (4/4/2006 10:55:57 AM)
you did the right thing. it has never happened to me but i think i would do the same.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Anger (4/4/2006 11:04:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BigEyes Not sure if this is the right place for this post...? When playing with someone about a month ago, he said something that reminded me of a bad part of my life and anger and resentment immediatly bubbled up inside me. I left the room to calm down, and sent him home. I didn't want to hurt him, but I think I could have. Does anyone else worry about this? About suddenly getting angry? Or has anyone been on the receiving end? I worry about the dangers of the past intruding on the present, if that makes sense. Big Eyes I have had a submissive flip out and rip a spreader bar out of the ceiling.Needless to say he was sent home and told to NEVER contact Me again. If a submissive or slave bishop has pissed Me off...the punishment can be severe.But it has nothing to do with things that happened in the past.

slavejali -> RE: Anger (4/4/2006 4:08:05 PM)
I think domination and submission can invoke raw primal powers within us. The submissive could say or do anything when they really let go and could push a button or two within the Dominant. Whether dominant or submissive, we all carry baggage of the past with us, supressed things..and situations where we are letting go can uncover those things on either side. Self-discipline on the part of the Dominant is a real necessity, not only in everyday life superficialities but on a very deep level within so they are well equipped to handle any situation, even if that means walking out of a room, or stopping play etc just like you did.

fastlane -> RE: Anger (4/4/2006 4:16:29 PM)
My therapist said I should count to ten...to the third power! I'm still counting and everyone is safe.

Mavis -> RE: Anger (4/10/2006 11:37:24 PM)
That's a good reminder for us all, "red" is not just for a bottom, sometimes for reasons we can't guess, a Top needs to get out of a scene. That was a good show on Your part. Kudos.

enthralled -> RE: Anger (4/10/2006 11:59:08 PM)
I have one trigger that i've been unable to overcome- long story, childhood thing, flashback material. I communicate it to anyone i feel might set that trigger off- it's just safer that way until i find a way to conquer it instead of it conquering me! [sm=meh.gif] Respectfully, enthralled

Moloch -> RE: Anger (4/11/2006 9:57:28 AM)
quote: and resentment immediatly bubbled up inside me. I left the room to calm down, and sent him home. I didn't want to hurt him, but I think I could have. Does anyone else worry about this? About suddenly getting angry? Or has anyone been on the receiving end? I worry about the Eh, I never had an experience like this but if I were you I would atleast tell him that he accidentally pushed the wrong button , otherwise he might be sitting at home and feeling like an idiot or a jerk?

cariad -> RE: Anger (4/11/2006 11:50:44 AM)
quote: I have one trigger that i've been unable to overcome- long story, childhood thing, flashback material. I communicate it to anyone i feel might set that trigger off- it's just safer that way until i find a way to conquer it instead of it conquering me! Respectfully, enthralled girl had a bad experience as well and now lets all she plays with about it so that they are aware of it and she is slowly getting over it, but should it become something that really scares her or whatever she will remember what was posted here and request time to calm down and explain to Whom ever it is she is playing with why she asked for the time out. Blessed Be [:)][:)]

RiotGirl -> RE: Anger (4/15/2006 4:01:48 PM)
i've gotten angry in a few scenes actually. Usually controlled randomly not controlled. The first time it was not controlled was the first time he put his teeth on clilt and well bit. i was talking in demonic tongues and i have no memory what i was saying.. tho i remember growling. Yet i was unrestrained and never moved. Think i said something along the lines of "kill you, everyone you know, chop off your balls, your head" so on i just know it REALLY pissed him off.. mostly the things i was saying i think = ) Usually its controlled. = ) Getting whipped or caned past what i think i can endure and i get angry. heh. He usually keeps at it and i settle down.. almost as if it was some sort of odd release and every becomes calm and peaceful. Lost my cool majorly once during a scene. Which i dont feel is especially my fault. Once upon a time, i was restrained and hooded and i hate hoods. i cant SEE.. they scare me senseless as i cant be prepared to protect. So vulnerable. The scene got retarded, boring even, yet still in that damn hood and i said "ok i'm done, i'm out, untie me" basically i said stop. But they didnt stop. Even knowing logically i didnt have the right to stop.. well i totally freaked out. pain>restrained>hood>and saying no? i pretty much cried uncontrollably for the remainder of the time, going through fits of trying to free myself. Rage induced, adrenaline rushes if you will. i did not free myself though as the hood was actually padlocked on and knowing that i know i would not actually be free until he consented and no matter what i did or the pain he inflicted upon me because of what i did.. i would not be free until he consented and he would not consent until i stopped trying to break free. So i eventually did nothing but cry as there was nothing i could really possibly do. Silly as i knew the set up from the get go, retarded to test it, and even stupider to freak out. Not something i'll ever likely forget or even let it ever get to that point again. Even if i have to consent just to endure through it. But i will say i ended up snot covering me and broken leather restraints. heh

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Anger (4/17/2006 10:32:39 AM)
We all have our own issues that overlap into play time, but anger is the one to be most wary of. The right partner and the right environment are the best ways to avoid that overlap, I think. It's hard to always be successful, but attempting to weed out potential partners who are brought too strongly to their bdsm preferences by latent anger is a good idea. Trouble is, some of those people are also the most passionate, the most interesting, and the most unpredictably willing... Regular play is one of the things that actually keeps my anger at bay. Having the outlet of a good submissive ass to flog delightedly can work wonders for my long term serenity. Knowing that my recipient craves that very behavior from me just makes it all right and good.

MsPoetress -> RE: Anger (4/17/2006 3:05:36 PM)
I have never had that situation present itself to me, yet. I think what you did was the right thing and I would have done the exact same thing. I applaud you. ~poe

BigEyes -> RE: Anger (4/20/2006 7:01:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enthralled I communicate it to anyone i feel might set that trigger off- it's just safer that way I understand telling someone about a certain issue/trigger is a sensible thing to do. However, I have a problem talking about it because I think it makes me look weak, both in bdsm terms and in life generally. I know this is a problem I need to overcome, just not sure how!

melnkolybabydoll -> RE: Anger (6/12/2006 10:13:17 PM)
i was on the receiving end once. i provoked my husband to the point of rage and he choked me until he caused damage. A part of my throat now moves from side to side and i can no longer scream. If it had not been due to medical issues, we would not be together today. My husband's sugars were through the roof and we had no idea he was diabetic. Even though he is on an insulin pump and has it under good control now, we know that the body's levels and needs change over time and must be constantly monitored. We have agreed that if he seems totally irrational and i cannot convince him to check his blood, i must get away from him for my safety, and seek help for his. The endangerment of life is the only circumstance i find excusable for my willful disobedience.

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