RE: What should I look for in a dom?

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RE: What should I look for in a dom? - 5/7/2010 10:16:39 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lexxxie

I'm pretty new to the BDSM scene. I'm a sub and am looking for my first dominant, preferably a Mistress.

What qualities should I be looking for in a dom?

Someone who is authentically dominant.
Someone who is self-actualized and grounded well in what they want.
Someone who understands the importance of structure and consistency in the authority dynamic.
Someone who makes good decisions and leads well.
Someone who has depth and inspires you.

The above list sounds well and good, but unfortunately determining these things takes time and experience with a person. You can't expect to glean all of this immediately, but you can keep such things in mind when seeking a Master or Mistress.

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RE: What should I look for in a dom? - 5/7/2010 3:12:55 PM

divi

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Look for one who has a job and doesnt live with his mom.

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RE: What should I look for in a dom? - 5/7/2010 4:38:42 PM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lexxxie

I'm pretty new to the BDSM scene. I'm a sub and am looking for my first dominant, preferably a Mistress.

What qualities should I be looking for in a dom?

While it's a lot easier to write what not to look for in a dom, I'd rather not go down that particular road tonight. :)

Here are some suggestions, to add to what's already been said, some of which has been quite good. Look for someone who turns you on sexually, who, when you interact with them, gives you butterflies in your stomach. Look for someone who impresses you, makes you awestruck even. Look for someone intelligent and sophisticated, someone who, whatever their gender, seems to understand who you really are, not someone with a simplistic idea of how subs are who is trying to impose that pattern on you. Most importantly, understanding only comes from getting to know you, it cannot come before, so look for someone who asks you questions. It's incredibly rare, in my experience, to come across someone genuinely curious about another, even when that other person might become their sub or slave. If you meet such a person, they are something special. Pay attention to them.

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RE: What should I look for in a dom? - 5/7/2010 4:47:20 PM

angelikaJ

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FR

I personally would avoid the all-knowing, all-seeing mystical doms who can define who you are and know all about you (evidently through divination).

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RE: What should I look for in a dom? - 5/8/2010 2:27:34 PM

DMFParadox

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Look for whatever turns you on.

>>stay away from anyone who begins their first conversation with you by calling you a slut and being rude.
Unless that's your turn on. Just be prepared for never being able to go out in public with them.

Money's nice. If you have some, don't worry about it; find the dom you like and have an idea in your mind of what's sane to share with her/him. If you don't, do not get in a relationship with a fellow dustwallet. That road leads only to tragedy. Turn down anyone who can't support both of you.

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RE: What should I look for in a dom? - 5/8/2010 3:41:53 PM

laurell3

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Come on, this is a no-brainer, look for the same thing you look for in any relationship. I think finding someone that doesn't take it all too seriously and can laugh, even at themselves is always good too.

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