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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Raising children? (4/18/2010 5:50:54 PM)
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Some problems I've run into with that takes a villiage to raise a child thing...other parents won't let anyone say one thing out of line about their children, even when you've gone to them in private and have tried to be as kind and polite as possible when breaking the news.
If you witnessed their child slashing someone's tires, and told the parent so the parent could discipline their own child, so they could go to the victim and offer to replace or repair the tires...the parent would go berzerk, screaming that their child would never do such a thing (even if you had photographic evidence).
This is not the good old days anymore, when others could rely on parents to handle their children, we have to turn to the police instead or suffer the many consequences of merely letting a parent know what their kid has been up to.
The other problem I ran into was EVERYBODY telling me to let children be, give them endless freedom, no supervision, because everything will be okay if they have lots of "peer group only" friends and if they were allowed to "follow their heart". Most of the parents who told me this...were telling me how to train my son so that their children would stop beating the H out of him. They took no responsibility for teaching their own children morals, so in the end I was forced to resort to police and pressing charges, and to homeschooling to literally save my child's life. He wanted to die because of all the abuse he was having to live with in school...he was only in third grade and I almost lost him.
These other kids...<wide evil grin>...I hear from friends who report gossip, and I hear of all the jail time, teenaged pregnancies, drugs, alcohol...and how few love their parents. (Okay, so I have also run into a few who are now adults and tell me they detest and despise their parents, and plan to drink champagne and dance on their graves.)
My son, on the other hand, in spite of his disabilities, is a superior human being. [;)] He has some faults, but I wouldn't trade him for any other kid in the world. No drug use, no alcohol nor tobacco products, never any trouble with the police, and he's so square that often I wonder if they hadn't switched babies at the hospital and I came home with the wrong one, lol. We talk about everything, have many things in common, love each other a lot, he's not cynical, not defiant, and he's learning some gentlemanly ways.
He's affected by autism, isn't on any medication, but his counselor was amazed with how patient and in control of his temper he is. It took a lot of talking and hard work to do this, and it didn't happen overnight. I've found that watching movies together and making comments about them are a big help. He gets to hear my opinion on everything, and watches in amazement when I teach him natural consequences through movies...I'll "predict" a bad consequence and then later, it unfolds. <grins>
Of course, years ago I had to teach him what to do when he got hot or cold, as well as making sure he was hot or cold first and TELLING him that he was hot or cold, so he'd learn how to make that judgment from experience and be programmed with what to do about it. Maybe this is something that only the parent of an autistic would have to go through. I had to start his training when he got off the bus one day with heatstroke, as his rituals weren't flexible enough to allow him to take off his coat if he was on a school bus. My son had so much of my time and attention, and trainings, that he passes for "normal" in public. (That's a long way from being diagnosed with early infantile autism.) I had so much work to do raising my son that I can't imagine why other parents around here crank them out and almost wish to never be alone with theirs. When they give me these long spiels about freedom, what I really see when in their company is the freedom they want for themselves.
I've told my son...what good is it to raise children to be such selfish, greedy, defiant, sassy, unfeeling little beasts so that you count down the days until they're legal adults, so you can finally get rid of them forever and be free again. (Yes, I also watched Hook with him, repeatedly, and laughed my butt off when Hook went into his tirade about "Why parents hate their children," LOL.)
So my bottom line is...I think all this age segregation of our children is harming their development. They should have friends who are a lot older and a lot younger than they are, so they can learn wisdom from more experienced people, and learn some caretaking skills by having to not behave like a peer to someone half their age.
Enough typing for now, time to watch a movie and play Pokemon with my son.
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