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RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 3:05:46 AM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I suspect you might not know that many 22 year olds.


Oh, VC ... You are in the UK ... it's daytime there ... here in the eastern US ... it's really like night time .... still ...

So i really don't have the mental ability left ... to deal with Your exquisite brain and wit.

Yet i do know lots of 22 year olds ... chuckles ... and You know ... i used to be one, too!

Suffice to say .... 22 year olds look best .... when serving beer .... at the pub. ;-) And i am just getting home ... right now ... ;-)



< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/18/2010 3:12:21 AM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 3:18:02 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

22 year olds look best .... when serving beer .... at the pub. ;-)
You are aware that you are talking about my age group, yes?

Putting a wink at the end of an insult doesn't actually stop it from being an insult.




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(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 3:40:20 AM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

You are aware that you are talking about my age group, yes?

Putting a wink at the end of an insult doesn't actually stop it from being an insult.


VC, i was totally aware You are 22 ...

and yes, i was knowing i was talking about Your age group.

And i did not intend to be insulting, either.

But, if You must know ... there are not a LOT of 22 year olds ... in the USA ... at least my part of the USA ... who are as mature .... as You appear to be. And recently, i have spent a lot of time on college campuses. So i have some knowledge of Your age group.

Typically, i see a lot of immaturity ... or at least maturity that enjoys some reassurance ... to feel it is on the right track.

So if You choose to feel insulted ... that ... is not my problem.

When You have the list of achievements i have in life ... 30 years from now ... You will understand what i am saying.

And when You have 22 year old combat veterans, asking You for advice ... You will have a better understanding of where i am coming from ... and what i am saying.

Oh lord ... I am ... starting to sound like my father! Yikes!





< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/18/2010 4:16:51 AM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 5:35:37 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

I have a problem with guilt.,, et al


Just about all guilt in general can be fixed:

The Book of the Law (aka Liber L vel Legis)

By: Aleister Crowley (through spirit of Aiwass)

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 5:39:46 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

That said, there is a large primal side to me that needs to know that I can attract other people.
So I go onto little free dating sites...some vanilla, some kinky...and I make these profiles and hang out for a spell.
I eventually hook some person into flirting with me and MAYBE we talk on some instant messenger and SOMETIMES
we exchange photos. Not sexual ones, but photos.

I've read up on this kind of behavior and I understand that this is relatively normal for guys. It's basically a fantasy.
But I can never enjoy these kinds of episodes for more than a week before I find myself reeling in disgust.
I delete my accounts, I trash any pictures I've received, and if whoever I've flirted with asks why I basically tell them to fuck off. More or less.



Sorry Buddy-you should feel guilty because you are acting like an asshole. Ya know, those women out there, the ones that you flirt with, some of them are real. They have feelings, hopes, aspirations, dreams, maybe even want to meet a guy and have something solid. Instead they get stuck wasting time with a wanker-You.

Call it what you want it, you lead people on, use them, manipulate them to feed your pathetic ego, then "tell them to fuck off," all of which makes you a category 1 dickhead in my book.And while your behavior may or may not be "relatively normal" for guys, it certainly is for HNG's and trolls.
Then you come here whining about how you feel guilty about cheating on your GF.

Whaaaah.

You should reel in disgust because you sure sound reprehensible to me.

Want advice. Grow up. Act like other peoples feelings have some worth. Stop being faithful with your body and faithless with your mind and heart. And for Gods sake, learn to control your emotions lest they control you.

The first mastery one must achieve is over thine self.




_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 5:44:07 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		My take on this is that you know you are too young to be married so you are trying to sabotage the relationship. How about you just tell her you aren't ready to get married and don't know when you will be so if that's of paramount importance to her, she should find someone else. In the meantime just enjoy the relationship for right now without thinking about any possible future.

But you are being unfair to her and to the other women you are leading on. Be an upright and ethical human being who you can look at in the mirror. Fish or cut bait because the way you're doing it is wrong, as your own guilt tells you.


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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 5:50:21 AM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

I have a problem with guilt.,, et al


Just about all guilt in general can be fixed:

The Book of the Law (aka Liber L vel Legis)

By: Aleister Crowley (through spirit of Aiwass)


<-- has this on e-book. KUDOS for the shout-out!


_____________________________

Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
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(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 6:34:21 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		My reply will be a bit different since I have done this as well. When I was in a commited, loving, relationship I did the same thing with making profiles and having very limited contact with men who responded to it - nothing really beyond getting emails in the old inbox and reading them. I tried to figure out why... it seemed that I was bored...didn't get to see my guy very often. It was never intended to replace him but it seemed to add something to my life that I needed though I'll be darned if I could figure out exactly what that was. The closest thing I could ever figure is that he was stuck at a place in his life where our relationship was great but on hold and couldn't progress past a certain point, and I was keeping part of myself from getting too wrapped up in ideas for our future.

Could it be that you're just very young still and while you know this is a good relationship perhaps it's not the right timing? It just seems to me that while you say how wonderful things are, and I don't doubt your love and commitment for your girlfriend, that you are holding back in this rather active little corner of your life. No one person can be everything to another- if this habit of yours is causing you unhappiness then it's time to figure out why you're doing it and confront that. Hopefully the answer will give you some idea as how to proceed.

I will say this too...most women would take your need to look around and check things out as a personal fault of theirs. They'll feel that they aren't pretty enough, not good enough in bed, not enough of a sparkling conversationalist, etc. It can be a swift knife to the heart for a woman to find out that her man is looking at or desiring others. I'm not so sure I'd share this with her. The aftermath is that she'll carry around that knowledge and it's a hard thing to overcome, she'll always feel as less. If you feel you can put it behind you for good - which usually comes after figuring out why you're doing it - I'd do that and not fill her in as to what was going on for a while. I never felt that two people had to know everything about each other but thats just my opinion.

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 6:49:49 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Jinger:

Here's the facts of the situation as I've recounted it.

a) You are lying to your girlfriend
b) You are playing games with online women
c) You yourself are "reeling in disgust" are your own behavior.
d) You are unable to talk to your girlfriend about this (which is pretty weak assed behavior)

OK... now just look at all that. Really look at the portrait of yourself. That is who and what you are. Are you pleased with that? God knows I wouldn't be.

What possible difference could it make whether other young men do or do not behave in this way (by the way, some do, some don't). Honestly, even if EVERY other young male behaved this way, would it really, really, make you feel good about it?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 7:35:55 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

22 year olds look best .... when serving beer .... at the pub. ;-)
You are aware that you are talking about my age group, yes?

Putting a wink at the end of an insult doesn't actually stop it from being an insult.



And getting nailed in the can.....;-) (imho)

_____________________________



(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 30
MORE QUESTIONS - 4/18/2010 7:50:21 AM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline 		Ah. Well, I've read all the replies.
I think some people might respond defensively to some points, but I take blunt information very well.
I my mind I knew my behavior needed to stop, but I think I needed getting yelled at first to really understand, if that makes sense.
So I thank you for that.

Just to follow up on a discrepancy, for those who are curious, I had heard about this behavior from other men from one of Dan Savage's
podcast. I'd post the link but I'm not sure if that's against the forum rules...
It's episode 166. For those who don't know Dan, he's great I really recommend him, even though he can be a tool sometimes.

I think there's always going to be a part of my sexual fantasies that involve other people, but no, I am not willing to lose my beloved over something so self indulgent.

There's more I want to say but frankly it all sounds defensive and self-confirming so I'll just leave it at that and say that you guys were right.

FURTHERMORE

I'm going to put my money where my mouth is and remove all photos of myself from this site I deem sexual.
I visit this site for different reasons, but there's no need to get people hard over what they can't have, right?

•••

Points are taken off of:
seekingOwnertoo
jbcurious
braniacsub

...for bringing age difference into play. Not cool guys.
I won't argue any more than this. The reason why you don't know any mature youngins like me is because we
tend not to hang out with old farts like you, usually because you feel superior simply because of your age.
I guarantee there are immature adults. I guarantee there are mature kids in their 20s.





(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 7:50:37 AM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Everyone, I think jinger is right and wrong here and the advice given here is all right even if it dosen't agree. As I see it his being 22 is an awakward age for him. He's old enough to be an adult but has a lot of kid left in him. Emotionaly he can have the adult feelings of love as he's having but the kid in him still wants to play.

jinger, at this time in your life you are going to have to go one way or the other and only you can decide what you want to do. Everyone is attracted to those other than they are involved with but as an adult you must be true to your partner within the context of your relationship. Your relationship is not open or poly so your perusing dating sites is damaging to your relationship. I know it is damaging because it troubles you and prevents you from completely commiting to the relationship you want. If your partner knew it could be the end of things. How to solve this? Use self control and get off the fence. Do you want to play a while longer or commit? If you want to play be honest with your partner and YOURSELF. If you want to commit do it. Only after you get off the fence and live with your decision will you know if you have made the correct decision for this time in your life. Keep in mind this is likely the last time you will have the leeway to try on a decision to see if you like it. As a person entering adulthood your decisions about what you do will seriously effect the rest of your life and those around you so you may do well to develop a mindset of responsibility, critical thinking and forsight.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 8:10:09 AM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline
quote:

Everyone, I think jinger is right and wrong here and the advice given here is all right even if it dosen't agree. As I see it his being 22 is an awakward age for him. He's old enough to be an adult but has a lot of kid left in him. Emotionaly he can have the adult feelings of love as he's having but the kid in him still wants to play.


I love how my old picture was literally me on the fence.
But yes, no more fence-play for me.

I wanted to take down all the slutty pictures of myself on collarme...I managed to change my default but
it won't let me do the rest.

SAD FACE.

(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 8:10:47 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm going to put my money where my mouth is and remove all photos of myself from this site I deem sexual.
I visit this site for different reasons, but there's no need to get people hard over what they can't have, right?


With words like this... I´m not seeing any change in attitude.

As far as age goes... If you read my post... I say your age does not come into this... this type of selfish behaviour is appropriate in a 7 or 8 year old child.  I expect that at 22 you act as an adult and take responsibility for your actions and how they effect other people... own your shit and deal with it.

I know 21 and 22 years olds who are incredibly mature... I even started a thread because I was so impressed with a 22 year old that contacted me and was considering lowering my age restrictions because he showed such maturity.  So no, you get no free passes with me and no excuses because of your age.


_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 8:17:10 AM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline 		That's the second time you've brought up 7-8 year old children.
Is that just a favorite point of comparison or are you some kind of pedo?
lololol

You're so right, my attitude never changes when it comes to people who think my profile is anything but sarcasm.

...let me stop.

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 8:29:02 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

That's the second time you've brought up 7-8 year old children.
Is that just a favorite point of comparison or are you some kind of pedo?
lololol

You're so right, my attitude never changes when it comes to people who think my profile is anything but sarcasm.

...let me stop.



It never ceases to amaze me that when someone lacks the intellect to reply with maturity... how quickly it disintegrates into name calling.

As I said at the beginning... Grow up... the world doesn´t revolve around you.


_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 8:39:44 AM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline 		I would hate to go about life, constantly amazed at everyone I meet.
I think I'd get tired of gasping and fanning myself.

You're right though.

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Libidos and Moral Dilemmas - 4/18/2010 8:45:36 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Libidos and Moral Dilemmas
quote:

I have a problem with guilt.

You should.

The problem isn't your libido--it's your dishonesty.

Go ahead---fuck (safely) a number a girls. If you can handle them, attract a bunch, bring them home and collar them all. Or if it's just who you are, date and score with a long list of women, as many as you find it takes. Enjoy.

But that's not you, not at all, because you have to lie to even begin to be that fantasy person.

Time for some self-assessment: long, searching, fearless, seeking and no bullshit analysis of who you are and who you want to be.

It's not who you think.

Good luck.



< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 4/18/2010 8:46:12 AM >

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: MORE QUESTIONS - 4/18/2010 9:11:59 AM   
brainiacsub


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jinger

[...]
Points are taken off of:
seekingOwnertoo
jbcurious
braniacsub

...for bringing age difference into play. Not cool guys.
I won't argue any more than this. The reason why you don't know any mature youngins like me is because we
tend not to hang out with old farts like you, usually because you feel superior simply because of your age.
I guarantee there are immature adults. I guarantee there are mature kids in their 20s.


Or maybe it's because we were once your age and have been there done that. This remark sounds just like a kid ignoring the advice of his parents because they couldn't possibly understand. I'm convinced now that I was right about your age being a factor.

FYI - I was very mature at your age, I just didn't have the life experience to make good decisions. And neither did any of my peer group. Or the man I married back then. But, you live and learn.

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: MORE QUESTIONS - 4/18/2010 9:26:19 AM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline
quote:

Or maybe it's because we were once your age and have been there done that.


Point taken.

I'm frustrated because collarme is taking its sweet time processing my new default picture.
Phooey.

(in reply to brainiacsub)
Profile   Post #: 40
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