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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 6:19:23 AM   
RedMagic1


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I used to have kinks listed.  I removed them all.  You want to know what I "like," talk to me and find out.  Or read my posts.  I haven't hidden myself on the boards.  But a dry list that provides no context?  That's more likely to provide misunderstanding than communication.

Also, within a trusting relationship, hard limits often soften over time.


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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 6:37:45 AM   
Jeffff


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I like pina coladas ...... and getting caught in the rain.

I am not into health food....... I like to beat you then bang.

If you like whimpering at midnight....... and getting off on the pain.

Send me a message on the otherside.... try not to be really lame..

(wa wa wa wa waaaaaaaaaaaa wa wa waaaaa wa wa wa wa wa)

Enjoy the earworm!

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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 6:38:49 AM   
jbcurious


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Jeff and RM... I know that there will be many things that I will do that at this moment I have a hard time imagining...

But it's this expectation that eventually I'll come around that concerns me... I would always feel that hanging over my head and would feel inadequate if I weren't able to go there.

Well I've managed to take my own thread off topic...

VC... I can understand how this would be annoying...it's a bit like a Dom saying I see you like blindfolds and bondage... book a flight...

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'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 6:43:15 AM   
jbcurious


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I like pina coladasĀ ...... and getting caught in the rain.

I am not into health food....... I like to beat you then bang.

If you like whimpering at midnight....... and getting off on the pain.

Send me a message on the otherside.... try not to be really lame..

(wa wa wa wa waaaaaaaaaaaa wa wa waaaaa wa wa wa wa wa)

Enjoy the earworm!

You're almost as good as "The Bloodhound Gang"... Have you heard "Dick with no balls"?



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'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 6:45:17 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
But it's this expectation that eventually I'll come around that concerns me... I would always feel that hanging over my head and would feel inadequate if I weren't able to go there.
OK, but now isn't this really more of a question of "suitable partners" ... not in the kink sense? I expect anyone I get involved with to be fully involved with me. Everything else is mutable. Someone who was effectively saying to you, "Oh, I'll really love you once you put that bridle on." is actually saying "I don't love you now." For me, at least, that'd be a deal breaker.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 7:14:38 AM   
jbcurious


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
But it's this expectation that eventually I'll come around that concerns me... I would always feel that hanging over my head and would feel inadequate if I weren't able to go there.
OK, but now isn't this really more of a question of "suitable partners" ... not in the kink sense? I expect anyone I get involved with to be fully involved with me. Everything else is mutable. Someone who was effectively saying to you, "Oh, I'll really love you once you put that bridle on." is actually saying "I don't love you now." For me, at least, that'd be a deal breaker.


Jeff, I'll respond with cmail and let this thread get back on topic....


And Jefff... You need to die...that damn song is going round and round...

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 7:54:48 AM   
jbcurious


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Somehow this post wound up one sided on the kink compatability factor...in avoiding people who have a cross over of "lives for" and "hard limit"

The other side of it is equally important... Is there a kink factor?

The idea of a once a month missionary bang...

So if you've started out the way I like to...which is getting to know each other from a vanilla aspect...kink may not come into the conversation for a while...and if there's nothing on the profile to indicate that they do enjoy a bit of kink...

Well then I guess you've made a new friend.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 8:10:48 AM   
leadership527


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Same answer in my mind though. Honestly, I LOVE carol. I'm likely one of the most vanilla people on these boards, but If she needed less vanilla than what I am, I'd change. I mean seriously, it's not like some sort of kinky sex is a great trial I'd have to endure.

The whole idea that two people can "be" compatible is a myth in my mind. Even if you started that way, people change over the course of decades. Either you have a mindset which consistently chooses "more compatible" over "less compatible" at all of life's little decisions or you drift apart. When two people are both choosing "more compatible", these things get worked out smoothly and easily.

Or maybe it's that you're taking an assumption that says, "The sub has to bend and change to her dom's desires but the dom is some sort of immovable, immutable force". I honestly cannot see that working out over the course of .... say... 40 years even if such a person existed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 8:19:13 AM   
Andalusite


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As DesFIP brought up, I'm mostly into the other person's reactions, on either side of the whip, although there are a few specific activities that I generally love, or are on my list of "concerns/boundaries." I generally think of golden showers as kind of icky and not something I want to think about during play, but as long as they weren't doing it on my face or in any orifices, or expecting me to do so to them, I think it would be silly to make it a hard limit. People are washable. I haven't really explored pony or puppy play much, but I'd be open to them. It doesn't need to involve wearing a tail butt plug or eating fake dog food, maybe he'd be fine with just playing fetch and barking and him swatting me with a rolled-up newspaper, or going through different gaits and nickering and being fed a slice of apple as a pony. When I do kitty play, I rarely wear ears or makeup, though I have once or twice. Usually I just pounce on him, play with his shoelaces, swat at flogger strands, and stuff like that - acting in feline ways.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I'm one of those pesky dominants that hasn't filled that section out. ;-)

Why? Well because I don't define myself by my kink. And I don't want a potential partner to assess me based on this either.

I not only didn't put up a checklist, I mostly refused to go into detail at all online. Until I've met the person and seen if we have at least some degree of compatibility, I figured my sexual and BDSM inclinations and experience were none of their business. I felt that going into a lot of detail really opened the door for the ones who were into cyber-sex/online D/s, which I wasn't interested in at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes
That's because when I see a list like that, my reaction to most options is "Well, that depends on...." My assumption is that other people probably had similar reactions, so I'm more inclined to reserve judgment on compatibility until I've at least interacted with someone on some level.

I generally assume that almost any toy or technique could be used in a way I'll love or I'll hate. I've been surprised before by how much I enjoyed something new that I was a little nervous about (on the bottom side), and on the Dominant or Top side, I am mostly into my partner writhe around and moan and squeal and yelp and flinch, rather than *how* I make them do that. Like you, I sometimes used their checklist to rule people out, on either the Dominant or submissive side (ie. no toilet slaves). If they listed humiliation as a major interest, on either side, I clarified with them what *they* considered to be humiliation. Some forms I can work with, or in some circumstances, but it generally leaves me cold. It's not a hard limit, but it was frequently an indication of a mismatch in headspace. If someone felt that my kneeling and giving a blow job or getting spanked was supposed to be humiliating to me, they'd probably be disappointed, and I'm generally not much into verbal insults outside of explicit roleplay. It's not a hard limit, but getting called a "slut" or "fuckmeat" or calling someone else that just doesn't make me hot. So, if it was important to them, and especially if they wanted a particular reaction to it, our playstyles and attitudes about D/s and BDSM were a mismatch.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 4/20/2010 8:25:22 AM >

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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 11:11:21 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

jb, I'm one of those pesky dominants that hasn't filled that section out. ;-)

Why? Well because I don't define myself by my kink. And I don't want a potential partner to assess me based on this either. I say straight out using words in the first few lines of my profile that I'm sadistic. Most of us who are, do. I also give a much better description with words, with my journal entries and with my posts here about the type of person that I am than a list ever could.

I realise that it would be a time saver for you to know everything upfront, but much like real life, we don't come with a list of likes and loves on our foreheads. We need to take the time to get to know people.

Now as for finding compatibility, well that is another story. Are you looking for a play partner or a dominant to have a meaningful relationship with? If it is the former, I can see why the checklist might be more important, and I'm sure those who are into play partners will have filled it out. But if it is the latter, then you have to think that real chemistry is going to be built on a whole lot more than a list of likes and dislikes.

Take for example my last relationship. He started off vanilla and really got into the D/s part of things, a little bondage but not the S&M. That was not going to be a reason to not make an honest try with him because he was so many other things to me. It didn't work out, but I can guarantee you that it wasn't because of that. In fact, that would be one of the last reasons.

I hope this insight helped.

- LA




LadyA's mindset is very similar to my own, even though I know there is a sprinkling of kink on my lists. It is far from the main focus. I want to know about the person, not the kink.


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(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 11:19:06 AM   
KnightofMists


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Kink is what I do.... Some of the time. But who I am is what I am all the time.

In comparion, Being compatiable with Who I am seems much more important than being compatiable with my Kink. When Kyra came into my life... for the most part much of what I do was way out their for her. We both adapted.... not unlike Alandra and I did over the years as well. Not in just Kink stuff in all the stuff we do!

But... Who I am is not something that I will change and neither does it for the girls. We just find different ways to express who we are with what we do.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 11:26:56 AM   
Smutmonger


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Kinks are fine to be listed,but I look at a lot of other stuff too.

I get more put off by people who post with some sort of a nuerotic sense of entitlement.

It's like a train wreck put on "pause".........I'm sure as hell not going to be the one who pushes the "play" button on that kind of shit.

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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 11:34:09 AM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

jb, I'm one of those pesky dominants that hasn't filled that section out. ;-)

Why? Well because I don't define myself by my kink.

- LA




LadyA's mindset is very similar to my own, even though I know there is a sprinkling of kink on my lists. It is far from the main focus. I want to know about the person, not the kink.



I agree with LadyA and LaT....Wait a minute. Hold the fucking phone!!! LaT dislikes eighties music? What in the world did eighties music ever do to you?

I picture that somewhere near the end of '82 you were in love and fisting some feminine lezbot that wouldn't start humming the song "maneater"....It made you crazy with rage and jealousy.

I feel so sorry for you. One on one I wanna play that game tonight.

I can hear Lat singing, as she reads this post...

Because your dick, your dick is on my list
Because your dick, your dick is on my list
Because your dick is on my list of the best things in life
Because your dick, your dick is on my list
Because your dick, your disk I can't resist
Because your dick it's what I miss when I turn out the lights



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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 4:03:41 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I agree with LadyA


I had to read that one at least 10 times and I still don't believe it! ;-)

- LA


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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 4:06:20 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

But it's this expectation that eventually I'll come around that concerns me...


Here is the deal jb, do you think that your main issue is a problem with dominants not listing their kinks using the Collarme questionnaire (which excludes a whole whack of kinks) or are you really afraid of disappointing someone and not measuring up?

I know that's a pretty personal question and you don't have to answer, but I just read this thread with fresh eyes and this just jumped out at me.

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 4:40:33 PM   
Missokyst


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For me, putting in all the kink things that interest me ended up attracting all sorts of freaks.
I don't meet a guy for his freak potential. I meet him because he might be interesting. If he is, THEN I want to know more.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 5:06:15 PM   
jbcurious


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

But it's this expectation that eventually I'll come around that concerns me...


Here is the deal jb, do you think that your main issue is a problem with dominants not listing their kinks using the Collarme questionnaire (which excludes a whole whack of kinks) or are you really afraid of disappointing someone and not measuring up?

I know that's a pretty personal question and you don't have to answer, but I just read this thread with fresh eyes and this just jumped out at me.

- LA



The thread was supposed to be the first thing... but yes, it does seem that the second item is the reason behind my need to know...

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 5:15:52 PM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I agree with LadyA


I had to read that one at least 10 times and I still don't believe it! ;-)

- LA



Well, it's that I am heading up north soon and I figured if I start priming the pump now I will have your panties in nothing flat upon my arrival.

Did I mention how lovely your thighs look today?

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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 5:30:16 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I agree with LadyA


I had to read that one at least 10 times and I still don't believe it! ;-)

- LA



Well, it's that I am heading up north soon and I figured if I start priming the pump now I will have your panties in nothing flat upon my arrival.

Did I mention how lovely your thighs look today?


I may regret this but if you play your cards right you could have a "2 fer", Lady A and I live in the same city.


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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: "Lives for, loves, likes..." - 4/20/2010 5:34:39 PM   
domiguy


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Outstanding...After LadyA is used and spent we shall go out on the town.

and by "out on the town" I mean you will cater to my every need as long as you remain conscious. Then there will be anal. Lots of anal.

The whole "out on the town" is a Chicago kind of terminology thang.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/20/2010 5:38:30 PM >


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