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How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 1:53:56 AM

EmrysSwitch

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

So I got my start online many years ago but have since had my kink focused in real life. I have a Domme right now but I am a switch, and I am still looking for a sub. I joined this site thinking I would maybe meet a sub but at least I would have some good conversation. The problem is that nobody seems to want to talk. I send notes to plenty of folks and get no response....is there a code of conduct that I have missed.

I have friends who are female subs so I know that many get all sorts of messages all the time from all sorts so I figure its hard to notice me in the crowd. Still I would expect some conversation by now.

How do you make this site work for you...when it comes to meeting and talking to folks? It does not even have to be about romance thought that would be nice.

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 2:04:47 AM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

That's a wonderful question. Alas, I don't believe I have any good answers...LOL.

We've been members of this site for quite a long while, and I can count the number of emails we've sent and recieved on both hands. Don't feel like The Lone Ranger.

I utilize the chat rooms quite a bit for fun, opinionated, non-sexual/romantic chat. That's about the best advice I can provide.

As always, YMMV.

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 2:12:04 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Most conversation I have is with folks I've met here on the boards apart from two very noteable exceptions. Whilst I have had lengthy conversations with the occassional girl I contacted on the other side of the site the two I talk too most both contacted me after noticing my profile and checking out my forum posts and one of those has developed into significantly more than just friends, hence my search is at an end.

So you've made the first positive step by deciding to get active in the forums. Next however I would seriously think about what you are trying to convey with that profile. To my eyes it doesn't say much and what it does say isn't flattering.... short, little effort and kink focused..... ie more HNG than someone likely to be contacted for a friendly chat.

Hopefully some of the helpful young ladys on the sub side of the equassion will give you some feedback about how it reads to them (As that is more important than how it reads to some hairy old Scottish Dom *g*). When I wrote out my profile I asked one of those young ladys for feedback on it to check it was saying the right things to 'my target audience' for exactly that reason.

Also if I where you I'd be open about being a switch in your profile, if it is going to be a problem for someone then it will be a problem when they find out later on too so best to be upfront about it and avoid those for whom it means incompatability. Sure keep yourself listed as Dom if you like, but I wouldn't try and hide it, that could cause trust issues before you even start.

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 2:15:06 AM

EmrysSwitch

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Well I will just have to look over my profile.

But as for the whole switch thing, the reason why I have myself listed as a Dom is that I am looking for a sub right now. I kind of thought having Switch in my username might be a good indication that I am a switch. :)

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 2:16:28 AM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

There is no special code or conduct. Being yourself is all someone can really expect. Missouri seems to be filled with plenty of submissive and switch women. I can't explain why you wouldn't recive a reply when inquiring about conversation and local group meetings. I can only suggest not to give up. When I began sending IM's to subs and others for conversation and possible romance, I looked for specifics in there profiles on things that we had in common and went from there. I also asked a few questions about them.

Anyhow, are you a switch or a dom? Your name and what you call yourself causes some comfusion. The fact that you are with a domme may explain as to why a sub may not want to be with you. After all, some women do not like to share. Besides, wouldn't having a sub make her your Dommes sub as well? Those are things they think about when they read your messages and decide not to be apart of it.

My advice would be to straighten up your profile to tell people exactly who you are and what you are looking for. When you message people, let them know how interested you are in attending munches and play parties. If there just happens to not be anything in your area. step forward and begin to start your own munch and area e-mail list group. They normally start off slow but build to moderate numbers.

Best of luck

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 2:17:26 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Ive only chatted to a few people on here, and I speak to people via email, but mostly post to the forums.

Thats a good idea re getting more active on the forums though, just by expressing your points of view people get to know you without having the pressure of a one on one at first.

I think your profile needs an update too.

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 2:22:04 AM

EmrysSwitch

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

I am a switch. Who is looking for a submissive to share a relationship that is seperate from my Domme. Your right though it is sort of complicated isn't it. I will take the advice of you folks and revamp the profile.

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RE: How do you make this work... - 4/5/2006 4:45:36 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

While you are revamping... be careful of using terms that suggest one thing but you obviously mean another...

The one that pops out to me is protector. So often this word is used in this way of life. So often the meaning is debated. Many look at this term as meaning more like a big brother/sister. Someone who you can rely on for good advice & direction. Someone who is going to help you sort through things you don't quite understand & also help you weed out people who may not have your best interest at heart... I think you can follow my meaning based on this.

You are obviously not promoting yourself as a big brother. It seems as though you are looking for a partner for play, physical interaction & a certain level of interaction.

I am curious as to where the dominant woman you mention fits in with all of this. Is she aware of you seeking another? Will there be any interaction between the person you will have serve you in some fashion & this dominant you serve?

Many questions like this will come to mind when one reads your profile. You do not imply that you are poly but whether or not you identify this way... certain aspects of a poly relationship are present. I can see where a person may be rather confused by what your ultimate goal is & where a third would fit in.

You have questioned why you have not had much luck. It is very hard for a seeking male in the first place... add in an already involved male switch seeking a sub/bottom for an undefined possibly poly type relationship with a female dominant & you just moved yourself into the shallow end of the pond where very few people fish.

I wish you the best in your search. Be patient & as honest & as you can about who you are & what you seek.

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