RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/25/2010 6:30:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Choking someone can be very hot however it is inherently dangerous. Thousands of people die each year from autoerotic asphyxiation. And who wants to wind up in jail because their partner died during it?

I actually do enjoy it, but he decided it is too dangerous and we won't do it. So we don't. Because after all, it;s his decision and not mine.

It's also his decision that the only ice cream permitted in this house contains chocolate in some form. If I want strawberry, then I have to buy a chocolate variety also for him. That's him making a decision, being dominant. Nothing to do with s & m there.

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/25/2010 6:34:51 AM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
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Many Dominates, are not into pain and have never touched their subs to hurt them. There are other ways to punish that don't invole physical pain. Take some time and research that. Also, remember BDSM is not one size fits all. Mold it to what you want it to be and then find someone who is like minded.

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/25/2010 4:37:05 PM

dragon200070

Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline

Hi,
You need to re-educate yourself on what pain is. When a sub is in sub-space, a really hard spanking can be exhiliarating and pleasurable. The idea is to get her really hot FIRST. In the right head space, she will go with things that she'd normally refuse. You need to learn about the sub headspace and learn techniques. I'd suggest reading books like BDSM 101, Master's manual, etc.

Go to a munch, and talk to experienced people. Watch some people playing.

Jeff

(in reply to WolfeTone)

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/25/2010 4:57:50 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned
Many Dominates, are not into pain and have never touched their subs to hurt them. There are other ways to punish that don't invole physical pain.

... nor is a punishment dynamic a necessary part of BDSM.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/25/2010 8:26:35 PM

JonnieBoy

Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance

And if you are going to utilize domination over another, then certainly a good stern look, or a whispered word could make some melt and submit: but so far that has only worked for Sean Connery and only a few generations of females.

Errr ... My name isn't Sean. I suggest you therefore reconsider and open your mind.because you're wrong.

Pirate

(in reply to PrimalConsonance)

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/26/2010 4:25:04 AM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

Greetings Wolfe....

quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfeTone

Really, I mean I'm just now embracing this side of me and have spoken with some wonderful people, and this Gorean lifestyle is positively intriguing....but I don't want to hurt anyone. Some people I've spoken with have said they enjoy being bitten, and punched, degraded, whipped, beaten....I don't like that. I bear no animosity towards anyone here, why would I want to hurt them? I guess my question is if I'm ever with someone and they want to be physically hurt, what do I do? I mean, they'd enjoy it, but I wouldn't, but isn't part of a relationship pleasing the other? Any help would be lovely.

If you don't want to hurt people, don't. Do not let the various perv types bully you into doing things you don't want to do just so you can be a "twue Dum".

What it looks like is that you are looking for the standard Master/slave relationship without the kinky play. This is common among Goreans who keep slaves. It is not common in BDSM. If you won't enjoy something, then don't do it. The only reason to do it is because you gain pleasure from pleasing or helping them. There is something known as a Service Top who does kinky things to bottoms because they gain pleasure from helping the other person. You wold do it for them, not for you.

Be well.....

Malkinius

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RE: I'm a dom but don't want to hurt anyone - 4/26/2010 11:11:59 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello there,

I was introduced to kink by a girlfriend when I was 21. Prior to meeting her I'd never considered spanking someone or causing them pain to be erotic.

The girl in question introduced me to it relatively gently - allowing me to discover the pleasure that a spanking (initially) then a caning (as I grew more confident) gave her. Since then, I've really enjoyed the emotional and physical effects that CP can have one some women. So now I'm at the place where, with the right woman, I'm delighted to administer a hard caning, and will enjoy it enormously. If later I were to accidentally bump her with my elbow, I'll be every bit as apologetic and remorseful as I ever was.

So maybe you just need to explore gradually - and perhaps you'll discover that there's something darned sexy about spankign a girl hard and finding her as wet as hell afterwards..

(in reply to WolfeTone)

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