A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette

A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (Full Version)

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PhoenixLM -> A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 5:52:23 AM)
My Mistress recently told me to plan a party for her. The details and guest list were left totally up to me. Her statement was simply you know what I like, take care of it. The problem is coming from the guest list, there is a local dom I would like to invite, however he has a slave and a friend of hers that tags along everywhere they go. This so called slave has in the recent past disrespected my Mistress' home by attending a function here and putting her feet on the furniture, which in itself is very rude, but compounded the lack of setting, forcing another person to sit on the floor. At a munch function she was very rude and disrespectful to a dominant that is associate with my Mistress' house, and at another informed my Mistress she is a bitch (not exact words but the jest). At an even more recent function she was rude and disrespectful to the munch host. He excuses her behavior by stating "As long as she says "With all due respect" first. He seems to be a nice enough guy, just he has a lack of knowledge about protocols. On the whole we would welcome him in but not her or her friend as the other is just as rude. I have looked through etiquette books, gone through every protocol I can find or think of but can not find a way to invite him yet exclude her. I wondered if anyone here would have access to some information I lack that would enable us to not have to deal with her. Thank you in advance

Wildfleurs -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:02:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PhoenixLM My Mistress recently told me to plan a party for her. The details and guest list were left totally up to me. Her statement was simply you know what I like, take care of it. The problem is coming from the guest list, there is a local dom I would like to invite, however he has a slave and a friend of hers that tags along everywhere they go. This so called slave has in the recent past disrespected my Mistress' home by attending a function here and putting her feet on the furniture, which in itself is very rude, but compounded the lack of setting, forcing another person to sit on the floor. At a munch function she was very rude and disrespectful to a dominant that is associate with my Mistress' house, and at another informed my Mistress she is a bitch (not exact words but the jest). At an even more recent function she was rude and disrespectful to the munch host. He excuses her behavior by stating "As long as she says "With all due respect" first. He seems to be a nice enough guy, just he has a lack of knowledge about protocols. On the whole we would welcome him in but not her or her friend as the other is just as rude. I have looked through etiquette books, gone through every protocol I can find or think of but can not find a way to invite him yet exclude her. I wondered if anyone here would have access to some information I lack that would enable us to not have to deal with her. Thank you in advance The short answer: no. Chances are it would probably offend the dominant to ask him to leave his slave at home to attend your function. If you don't like her that much, don't invite either of them. Edited to add: If your dominant likes them a lot then you may want to check with her before deciding not to invite them. If she wants them at the party the you'll just have to suck it up and probably make sure that someone keeps an eye on them. C~

Jasmyn -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:03:24 AM)
Simply ask your Mistress if these people are welcome... and then act accordingly. Good luck.

RavenMuse -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:04:01 AM)
Frankly if the guy accepts that behaviour of his girl then he must accept the responcibility for those actions and is as much to blame for them as the girl is. Exclude him from the event. A slave's actions reflect on the Master if he won't deal with the behaviour then you should have as much problem with him as with her.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:05:01 AM)
Sorry dude, unless you're sending out individual invitations to every guest and not allowing them to bring a guest of their own, you're out of luck on the flat out not inviting them. Though there's nothing to say you can't send out individual invitations with a polite blurb saying to "Please rsvp and check with me before inviting additional guests" (Which should be redundant for most people since if there isn't a space to place guests on the invitation, one shouldn't assume guests are welcome anyway, but most people aren't ummm aware of that) If he calls then and asks to invite the slave, you can explain the guest list is tight space is limited and that his company is very welcome (thus implying but not outright saying that the slave's is not). If you're allowing other people to bring guests though, you will have to suck it up. You could take the lead by making her the "helper" and keeping her busy with party chores and make her your ally (and conveniently be able to keep an eye on her) so if she perhaps starts making a rude comment, you can just laugh and whisk her away to something else. From your descriptions it sounds like she hasn't really don't anything major, and since he is who your dom has chosen as his partner for now, your best bet is to either not allow guests at all, or stay on top of the situation as well as possible.

Angeni -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:10:01 AM)
Greetings PhoenixLM In the past I had solved this particular dillema by sending a short list of rules that were to be followed in our house along with invitations. I would let it be known that the rules were to be respected or the person would be asked to leave. If this particular Dominant is unwilling to enforce the rules set forth on his/her slave, then simply ask them to leave. It is not disrespectful, and others who attend may find it more enjoyable because the rules are in place. I would suggest bringing this up with your Mistress as a possible solution?

Cloudz -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:13:21 AM)
Sounds like a good solution...

MHOO314 -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:45:08 AM)
My home has rules---whether friends or F/friends, those that do not follow them and disrespect them simply do not get invited to the house--(I may meet them OUT to keep the friendship if it is worth it)--but they do not see the inside of My home.

PhoenixLM -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:49:48 AM)
My Mistress likes him dislikes her. Was a shot to see f I happened to be overlooking a protocol that could apply to this situation. We actually have a set of rules that we give out, they have done absolutly no good in this girls case in the past, I see no reason it would now. Sir RavenMuse; Very True we were hoping to find a way to put him in a social setting without her so he might observe how others behave, he tends to not do so when she is present. Thank you all

artglfr -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:51:19 AM)
Some very good advice, list of rules is acceptible, as La mentioned try taking the sub in as your helper. I wonder how long either the Master or slave have been in the Lifestyle? Perhaps they are both new and if so the slave "May" truly appreciate having you as a Mentor, if new she must have many questions and if you graciously interract with her she may open up and be less antagonistic. Good Luck

PhoenixLM -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:56:21 AM)
Both claim several years in the lifestyle. But show obvious non understanding. An example is the With all due respect, she uses it as a get out of jail free card to be rude and disrespectful and he thinks she is using it properly. I have heard her say something to the effect With all due respect who are you to tell us we have to leave? this was said to someone in charge of an event, and she also knew the space was rented for a specific time period.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 6:58:42 AM)
I absolutely agree. Furthermore, if he can't be bothered to train his slave to respect other Dom/Domme's (and their furniture) and allows them to behave badly in public or at other people's homes, then he must bear the consequences of not being a welcome guest. quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse Frankly if the guy accepts that behaviour of his girl then he must accept the responcibility for those actions and is as much to blame for them as the girl is. Exclude him from the event. A slave's actions reflect on the Master if he won't deal with the behaviour then you should have as much problem with him as with her.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 7:02:49 AM)
I'm going to (respectfully, of course) disagree with you on this point... and here is the reason: "At a munch function she was very rude and disrespectful to a dominant that is associate with my Mistress' house, and at another informed my Mistress she is a bitch (not exact words but the jest)." Why would this slave (sic) be allowed to set one foot inside this Mistress' door? quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross From your descriptions it sounds like she hasn't really don't anything major, and since he is who your dom has chosen as his partner for now, your best bet is to either not allow guests at all, or stay on top of the situation as well as possible.

slavejali -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 7:15:19 AM)
If anyone was disrespectful of Master, they wouldnt be welcomed in our home...plain and simple. Thinking about your situation, maybe you could use this opportunity to let the Dom know how his slave is effecting his relationship with his friends. Like perhaps you could send him an invitation and send a note with it saying that He is invited but due to his slave being rude and whatever you would "prefer" him not to bring her. Like really spell it out for him in a very polite way. This would be really embaressing to him but perhaps that is what he needs considering the offenses his slave has already committed. He might even show up with a remarkably well behaved and changed slave. I think you could get away with this seeing that your Mistress has asked you to plan this without her help, if the Dom kicks up a fuss about the note, your Mistress cant be held liable and she can chastise you for being rude to him...i dunno..just playing with thoughts. I liked the "helper" plan too, mine will get you into trouble most likely.

JohnWarren -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 7:17:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angeni Greetings PhoenixLM In the past I had solved this particular dillema by sending a short list of rules that were to be followed in our house along with invitations. I would let it be known that the rules were to be respected or the person would be asked to leave. If this particular Dominant is unwilling to enforce the rules set forth on his/her slave, then simply ask them to leave. It is not disrespectful, and others who attend may find it more enjoyable because the rules are in place. I would suggest bringing this up with your Mistress as a possible solution? There is a small problem with this. If someone violates the rules, what are you going to do? Now, Libby and I have taken a hard line and asked people who violated house rules to leave (one was physically thrown out on the lawn when he refused). However, it is something to consider before setting up rules you expect may be violated.

Wolfspet -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 7:49:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn I'm going to (respectfully, of course) disagree with you on this point... and here is the reason: "At a munch function she was very rude and disrespectful to a dominant that is associate with my Mistress' house, and at another informed my Mistress she is a bitch (not exact words but the jest)." quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross From your descriptions it sounds like she hasn't really don't anything major, and since he is who your dom has chosen as his partner for now, your best bet is to either not allow guests at all, or stay on top of the situation as well as possible. I have to comment. In any informal setting, I treat people as people. Unless it is a S&M session, or I walked knowingly into a high protocol situation, it matters not to me what your orientation is. being that the OP said : "At a munch function she was very rude and disrespectful to a dominant that is associate with my Mistress' house, and at another informed my Mistress she is a bitch (not exact words but the jest)." To me implies a informal setting, and that the exact words "You are a bitch" were NOT used. Rather that the Mistress inferred that was the intent in a humorous remark. It may well have been bad humor, in a familiar environment, or it may have indeed be a bitchy remark because the woman genuinely does not like the others, and her Owner may be aware of that fact. As for the OP, don't invite them. It would just make it much easier since many seem to have issues with her.

PhoenixLM -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 7:53:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali If anyone was disrespectful of Master, they wouldnt be welcomed in our home...plain and simple. Thinking about your situation, maybe you could use this opportunity to let the Dom know how his slave is effecting his relationship with his friends. Like perhaps you could send him an invitation and send a note with it saying that He is invited but due to his slave being rude and whatever you would "prefer" him not to bring her. Like really spell it out for him in a very polite way. This would be really embaressing to him but perhaps that is what he needs considering the offenses his slave has already committed. He might even show up with a remarkably well behaved and changed slave. I think you could get away with this seeing that your Mistress has asked you to plan this without her help, if the Dom kicks up a fuss about the note, your Mistress cant be held liable and she can chastise you for being rude to him...i dunno..just playing with thoughts. I liked the "helper" plan too, mine will get you into trouble most likely. I thought of this and to do it would reflect poorly on my Mistress, not something I am willing to do. As for this girl as a helper that probably would not work out as in the past she avoids helping with other events (not ones here).

PhoenixLM -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 7:59:07 AM)
The first situation was while the dominant was giving a thank you speech at a munch yes while the munch is informal one should never sit and interrupt a speaker with snide remarks or even in jest. While the second was an informal gathering, her words were not meant in jest, she was quite serious.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 8:11:21 AM)
I don't think it was meant as a humorous remark. *at another informed my Mistress she is a bitch* (not exact words but the jest)." She typed "jest" but given the context, I believe she was mis-spelling "gist" And while a slave may dislike a certain Dom/me, she should NOT be allowed by her Owner to make such disrespectful remarks! If the Owner allows this behavior by his slave, then as I said before, he must bear the consequence of not being a welcome guest at various functions. quote: ORIGINAL: Wolfspet Rather that the Mistress inferred that was the intent in a humorous remark. It may well have been bad humor, in a familiar environment, or it may have indeed be a bitchy remark because the woman genuinely does not like the others, and her Owner may be aware of that fact.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: A Matter of Protocol and Etiquette (4/5/2006 8:19:07 AM)
While I know that your Mistress has left the guest list to you, I do believe it would be appropriate, given these circumstances, to bring this to her attention and request her guidance. This seems like a judgement call that, to my mind, would be for the Mistress to make. quote: ORIGINAL: PhoenixLM The first situation was while the dominant was giving a thank you speech at a munch yes while the munch is informal one should never sit and interrupt a speaker with snide remarks or even in jest. While the second was an informal gathering, her words were not meant in jest, she was quite serious.

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