RE: A Question to Ponder (Full Version)

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Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 8:11:23 PM)

"Yeah I wasn't offended until you condescended to "remind" me that if I took offense it was because I desired to be offended.. WTF is that supposed to mean anyway?"

It means exactly what I wrote.  I've been called everything except human, even by those closest to me, and it doesn't phase me.  Words are merely that.  They truthfully have no weight or value until the reader/listener assigns them that weight.




Laura -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 8:20:50 PM)

I call myself a Switch cause I enjoy both subbing and Domming. It depends on who I am with, how I am feeling and the situation as time goes along.

A lot of people who are Switches keep quiet about it cause they are too intimidated to speak up. They have read or been told that everyone is sub or Dom and the middle ground is unacceptable. In my opinion, these are people who are caught up in playing roles instead of living life.



Laura -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 8:34:39 PM)

Of course there is emotional involvement in Switching. It is only a part of who I am. There is no tug of war.

When I am Switching I am also a sister, daughter, girl friend, writer, etc. I have a lot of roles in my life. I am many things to the people in my life. However, while I am with a partner, enjoying BDSM I am not having a tug of war over being my Mother's daughter, or feeling I have lost touch with my artistic side. I am all of those things, they make up my life and the person I am. I am not two dimensional. I am multi faceted. I can Dom, I can sub, I can do a lot of things and be a lot of things for myself and for the people in my life.

You wrote about a preoccupation with sex versus a fascination (in another thread) you seem to have a preoccupation with two dimensions. Why is that? Do you see everything as only having two sides, only black and white. There are shades of grey, there are all sorts of colours in fact. Don't narrow your focus to just two.



SimplyV -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 9:05:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

"Yeah I wasn't offended until you condescended to "remind" me that if I took offense it was because I desired to be offended.. WTF is that supposed to mean anyway?"

It means exactly what I wrote.  I've been called everything except human, even by those closest to me, and it doesn't phase me.  Words are merely that.  They truthfully have no weight or value until the reader/listener assigns them that weight.


And you felt that we needed to be reminded of this because?



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 10:51:34 PM)

Because I am asking questions that strike at the very heart of how some people exist.  While I would rather someone be pissed off at me and learn something than be sunshine and roses and learn nothing.  But, seeing as how passion overrides reason frequently, a snapped, sharp answer is the first instinct and that is not what I am looking for right now.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Respectfully,
Dustyn



SimplyV -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 11:06:22 PM)

I have no problems with questions.. really.. ask away.

I do have a problem with condescending remarks reminding me that if i'm upset its my fault.  No matter how much truth is in it.. its condescending and seems to respesent a lack of accepting responsibility for your actions on your part.

Like calling someone a "bitch".. and before they can get upset or not upset about it.. you tell them "Hey if you get upset, its your choice to get upset. I didn't do anything. Its just words"

And you didn't do anything offensive in your post, but you still pulled the "Hey its not my fault if you get upset" bit at the end. 

Just came off as condescending BS to me.



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 11:28:53 PM)

I suppose it came across a bit more critically than I had anticipated, but with it being a mildly personal topic, I anticipated being answered with more than a bit of aggression.  I have come to expect as a viceral response, not a completley conscious choice.  I tend to be very brusque when I am chasing down something, and I give very little thought as to another's emotions.  I guess that is just because it is almost impossible to offend me.  You can get most any other response out of me in one way or another, but offending me takes more work than most people are willing to expend.

I do apologize, though, if it came across wrong.

It was only meant as a reminder that I am merely looking for responses, not attacks.

I most likely should have used a different phrase, but in the end, whatever I chose in it's place would have still meant the same thing, regardless.



SimplyV -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 11:33:59 PM)

Well I suppose you did come across wrong.  For future reference.. if you'd have ended your message as below.. without the added phrase. You'd have been just fine.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn
Not asking this to raise hackles or to instigate any kind of a ruckus.  I think it's an honest question worth asking.  I apologize for anything that may or may not find themselves offended.



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/5/2006 11:37:28 PM)

I have an ego the size of New York and the arrogance to power it indefinately.  Occassional, it slips my control and oozes into the things I say or write.  Sorry.



SimplyV -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 12:20:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

I have an ego the size of New York and the arrogance to power it indefinately.


*laughs her ass off*  I have both of those as well.. I just hide it really really well. [:D] (or not so well.. depends on who you ask)



LaMalinche -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 12:59:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyV

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

I have an ego the size of New York and the arrogance to power it indefinately.


*laughs her ass off*  I have both of those as well.. I just hide it really really well. [:D] (or not so well.. depends on who you ask)



KK -you both have needs to flauant the flagarent chest-beating. . .

GET OVER IT. . .

Just my advise...


As always,

Best,

LaMalinche




BitaTruble -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 2:01:17 AM)

quote:



Submission and Domination requires too much of a person to readily just flip back and forth between the two depending on your mental/emotional state at that time.  There should be an emotional involvement, to one extent or another, with the person that you are scene'ing with, regardless of who plays which role. 


Why should you have to have emotional involvement? I've played with plenty of people with whom I've had no emotional connection what so ever and had a grand time and so did they. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes fun is just fun.

quote:

It is better to live one complete life than to incomplete ones. 


Being a switch doesn't mean you are living two incomplete lives. On the contrary, I live one very happy, satisfied life and I wouldn't change it for anything.

quote:

 Neither side will be fully and completely embraced, simply because the brain, for whatever motivations lie in it, will not allow either full submission or full dominance with another person.


Maybe 'your' brain. My brain handles it just fine.

quote:

Every switch I know, in all honesty, has never felt completely comfortable with themselves in terms of the lifestyle.


Nice to meet you. I'm Celeste and I'm fully, completely and honestly comfortable with myself in terms of the lifestyle and outside of the lifestyle as well. There.. now you've 'met' someone. :)

quote:

Being a dominant with both self destructive and masochistic tendencies at rare times, does this infer that I am a switch instead of a dominant?  No, because I do not think of myself in that way.


You can call yourself whatever you like! No one's stopping you. However, others have the option of viewing you as they will. Can't stop the perceptions of others.

quote:

In a tug-o-war, there are two teams with a flag tied at either end.  One end in this image is dominance, the other submission.  Can you run from side to side without one end of the rope falling to the ground?  The rope, by the way, is your entire existence, flesh, bone, and soul.  It creates too much of a rift inside yourself to attempt to feast on both sides of the cake at will.


Not everyone is in an internal war with themselves.

quote:

In some ways, being a switch could infer merely being hedonistic, wanting to enjoy both ends of the whip, so to speak.


I don't know that I'd go that far. Certainly pleasure is an important aspect of my life, but it's not the be all end all. I'm a multifaceted human creature with many interests and pleasure is high on the list, but it's not at the top of the list.

Nice thread.

Celeste




bignipples2share -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 4:29:21 AM)



Every switch I know, in all honesty, has never felt completely comfortable with themselves in terms of the lifestyle.

_____________

I don't understand why you have a problem with this concept. The only problem I have with the 'lifestyle' is not how I choose to enjoy exactly what I desire, but the fact that others are clueless that anything other than what THEY want is considered wrong. What you are saying infers that a person who only uses pepermint toothpaste to more content and complete than the person who likes bubble gum toothpaste AND mouthwash. People get to enjoy what they like (notice all the different restaurants out there) and do not have to be limited by what others think they should enjoy. If their partner is a consenting adult and enjoys the same things then that completes them by making both of them happy. Plain and simple. Not every sub enjoys CBT (or whatever it is they don't enjoy), does that make them incomplete? What if the dom does not enjoy doing that, for whatever reason, it's a hard limit for them, does that mean they are less Dom?
I think that if I choose to skip dessert and have a grande marnier instead that does not make me an alcholic yet I'm enjoying each sip thoroughly and completely, it has completed my meal exactly like I wanted it to. I'll probably do it again, even if I don't want it the very next time I go out to dinner. If liquor does not pass your lips, and you don't understand how anyone could enjoy it, or how it could complete my meal, then just don't date me. I'd much rather that, than the person trying to tell me how I shouldn't be enjoying it. By drinking or not drinking I've now been thrown into the catagory that I'm either an alcholic or not, thinking there is no middle area.



VandalHeart -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 8:39:56 AM)

Dustyn, grow up.  I know who you are and you are seriously starting to piss me off with this attention getting crap.



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 9:59:42 AM)

Sod off, Vandalheart.  If you know me as well as you are claiming to, then you know for a fact that ALL I am looking for here is knowledge.  Pure and simple.  If you do not like the fact that I am trying to understand how something I put time and effort into blew up in my face, there is very little that I can do to appease you.



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 10:05:27 AM)

One more thing, Vandal.  Have we met in person and discussed anything?  If not, you have ONLY one side of a situation to mull over in your head.

Respectfully,
Dustyn



Sensualips -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 11:02:56 AM)

Wow, looks like a some feminist switchy drug using dominant bottom has the boys fighting over her. Oops, I mean trying to protect her. It warms my heart.



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 11:20:09 AM)

Sensual, it's not drugs, but alcohol, but still the same thing in the end.

However, you have managed to make me chuckle for the first time today, and for that I do thank you.



WyrdRich -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 9:07:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

Wow, looks like a some feminist switchy drug using dominant bottom has the boys fighting over her. Oops, I mean trying to protect her. It warms my heart.



     I think you may have nailed it.  A cookie and a nap should settle the whole thing



Dustyn -> RE: A Question to Ponder (4/6/2006 9:58:43 PM)

Not real keen on sleeping, but a cookie could be good



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