Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (Full Version)

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slave4you0000 -> Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/23/2010 8:55:04 PM)

I am relatively new to the lifestyle, and have been working on defining what I am and what I am into.  I enjoy giving up power and control to my Master, and doing whatever it is that pleases my Master.  But apparently my thought that my Master would also be interested in my satisfaction and pleasure is a wrong assumption to have?  Not that I think I am entitled to be pleasured by my Master, but I would hope that I could earn it by pleasing him.  Or is that tit-for-tat mentality make me more vanilla-into-kink rather than a sub or slave?



peppermint -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/23/2010 9:31:31 PM)

A slave gives up all decisions to the Master.  Whether or not the slave gets any pleasure is up to the Master. 

REALITY  The Master who never pleases the slave will find the slave gone in a short time. 

Basically, if you are getting nothing from the relationship, why would you continue to stay in that relationship? 



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/23/2010 9:40:45 PM)

my thoughts exactly.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 12:18:41 AM)

What peppermint said.

Everyone has a right to persue happiness and fulfillment. If this lifestyle wasn't fulfilling, or if the partnership you're in weren't fulfilling- you'd leave it. If your dom doesn't know that, then you're serving a fool whom you really should leave.

Insist on a reciprocal relationship: one in which you get as much as you give.

You shouldn't have to "earn" satisfaction and pleasure, unless you want to. Otherwise, it should just be given. You don't have to earn the right to it.

Don't waste your youth on some garden variety jerk who doesn't address your needs and desires.

He may be selfish, clueless, or mean. Whatever- if so, then don't make his shortcomings your problem. Dump him, and find someone who will pay attention to your needs, and further your happiness, growth and fulfillment.



DesFIP -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 4:11:02 AM)

It means you've picked the wrong guy to give power over to. If you wanted to be with someone who enjoys seeing you happy and satisfied, then you shouldn't get involved with someone who prefers denial. Learn how to decide who to give power to by using your brain next time, and not on the basis of who gets you wet.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 6:57:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

A slave gives up all decisions to the Master.  Whether or not the slave gets any pleasure is up to the Master. 

REALITY  The Master who never pleases the slave will find the slave gone in a short time. 

Basically, if you are getting nothing from the relationship, why would you continue to stay in that relationship? 



*ding ding ding* We have a winner.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 7:17:51 AM)

To the OP: If you are new to this, think about when you first started dating... you had to kind of figure it out. This is no different. You found a guy who digs doing to you what you don't like. I've been there... And now I'm not. There are some s-types who really dig that. Are you one of them? I don't know. But try to see this in a curious way, look for the questions, the answers, the possibilities. For me this is sposed to be fun and something I *enjoy*.... not so for some people. you have to decide what works for you.

good luck,
sunshine



slave4you0000 -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 7:46:15 AM)

Thanks everybody for your input!  It's hard to navigate this lifestyle as a newbie and I appreciate your insights and advice.  I forget sometimes that it is just as much my place to set the tone of our play as it is my Master's.  When giving my submission, it's too easy for me to forget to ask for what I want instead of just concentrating on what he tells me to do....but obviously that's just left me unhappy afterward, so looks like we have some talking and figuring-out to do.



Focus50 -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 2:37:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4you0000

I am relatively new to the lifestyle, and have been working on defining what I am and what I am into.  I enjoy giving up power and control to my Master, and doing whatever it is that pleases my Master.  But apparently my thought that my Master would also be interested in my satisfaction and pleasure is a wrong assumption to have?  Not that I think I am entitled to be pleasured by my Master, but I would hope that I could earn it by pleasing him.  Or is that tit-for-tat mentality make me more vanilla-into-kink rather than a sub or slave?

Everyone has needs and desires and accepting someone as my slave means I have obligations to meet her needs and desires etc. But exactly how I go about that is entirely up to me.

Be you Master/slave or Dom/sub etc, a relationship amounts to giving something in order to get something. We call it 'Power Exchange'. So yeah, there's nothing wrong with your "tit-for-tat mentality" as any slave not having her needs met will ultimately seek them somewhere else. And any 'master' with half a brain will know that - which comes back to 'obligations'.... The instant you're someone's Master, you become slave to your own standards - the relationship is then bigger than the sum of both individuals.

In my M/s relationships, there's actually quite an imbalance in sexual type pleasure.... My own needs aren't so voracious but I do enjoy teasing/torturing the girl with hers - and ultimately fulfilling them, too (eventually). I rationalise it as the biology of Nature. IE, compared to us males, females can cum multiple times and have multiple orgasms etc and we Masters were given ropes and restraints etc and the evil mentality to exploit that at our leisure and however we choose.

OP, I think you've been listening to horny Net doms who only have a vanilla's cliche'd concept that a Master is all strutting and demanding and who treats his slave atrociously and without worth. As soon as you hear (read) such nonsensical spiel, you click the "delete" wanka button and save yourself a world of confused introspection.

Focus.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/24/2010 3:41:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4you0000

Thanks everybody for your input!  It's hard to navigate this lifestyle as a newbie and I appreciate your insights and advice.  I forget sometimes that it is just as much my place to set the tone of our play as it is my Master's.  When giving my submission, it's too easy for me to forget to ask for what I want instead of just concentrating on what he tells me to do....but obviously that's just left me unhappy afterward, so looks like we have some talking and figuring-out to do.
There's that, and there is also the question 'does he want what you want?'

Because if he wants the sort of sub who wants to earn their pleasure, and you want the sort of Master who actively wants to give you pleasure as often as possible, then no amount of asking for what you want is going to solve that compatibility issue-you have to want the same tone of play in the first place.



aldompdx -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/25/2010 1:43:20 AM)

It all depends upon your choice of partner. How much of a narcissist and objectifier do YOU want as a partner? You are the only person responsible for choosing what kind of partner you want.



leadership527 -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/25/2010 8:14:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
REALITY  The Master who never pleases the slave will find the slave gone in a short time. 
I'll go you one further. In my opinion, the reality is that a master who does not regularly and thoroughly delight his slave in any number of deeply fulfilling ways will never have the kind of commitment he wants in return. Relationships don't work out in the long-haul when they are unbalanced.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/25/2010 8:22:21 AM)

Amen.



leadership527 -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/25/2010 8:34:10 AM)

Well said Focus. I'd like to add that this same stereotype exists in spades on the sub side to. I collectively call them the "I exist only to serve" crowd. Apparently some submissives... even some with "experience" convince themselves that they can be happy, healthy, and fulfilled doing nothing other than serving the needs of another. I hate questioning other people's reality, but I have never actually met such a person and I have a really hard time seeing how you could make a life-long relationship work on that basis.

I point this out because in this case, it isn't just the HNG's doing this. They have REASON to believe it. Some of the subs say it too.



dragon200070 -> RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? (4/25/2010 4:32:22 PM)

Hi,
I'm a Dom and I do pleasure my slave after she's given me pleasure. While it's not written down, you owe me ..., we try to give it going and positive.

Our play frequently ends with her having powerful orgasms.

Jeff



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