RE: Why do people do this?

RE: Why do people do this? (Full Version)

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Steelslilbit -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/2/2010 5:59:48 AM)
~applauds TomCypress~ Do you think you got your point across?

DesFIP -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/4/2010 12:58:07 PM)
No idea about the first quote, but re the second. A lot of sub women have gotten burned by males who like to bottom, couldn't find a domme, and thought to get involved with a femsub and then order her to top him. Which would be fine if they said it upfront. Only they don't. They wait until after the collar goes on and then say she isn't a true sub if she won't force him to dress in womens panties and put on a strap on. A lot of women who've had this happen are therefore gunshy. Which is why the poster you quoted stressed "I've known", specifying that it was her own personal experiences causing her to feel this way. Whereas obviously anyone who identified as a switch upfront would be having the conversation about compatible kinks before the relationship started.

CarrieO -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 5:03:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Whereas obviously anyone who identified as a switch upfront would be having the conversation about compatible kinks before the relationship started. I'm curious, DesFIP, why it would seem obvious that switches would discuss compatible kinks before getting closer to someone and a submissive or dominant wouldn't? If a dom doesn't say that he likes to bottom on occassion or a sub likes to top sometimes, is that a switch problem or a communication problem? It has been my experience that switches, in general, are more open to expressing their kinks or sexual interests than most other orientations.

TomCypress -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 7:28:26 AM)
First off (passing out some coronas) Happy Cinco de Mayo!!! quote: It has been my experience that switches, in general, are more open to expressing their kinks or sexual interests than most other orientations. CarrieO Imho DesIFP's comment is actually a compliment and highlighting a common problem in any relationship "constant and current communication" slipping in the human trait of preconceived conceptions. "I am Dominate I will top" is sot of a given, might not even come up for discussion, while entering a relationship a Switch an extraordinary amount of time in the beginning is spent just on defining bounders. Mistress once told me "Its all about mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter" Switch with swager [sm=whip.gif]

CarrieO -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 8:23:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TomCypress First off (passing out some coronas) Happy Cinco de Mayo!!! *accepts the bottle of corona, adds a slice of lime and gives a nod of thanks to TC for his kindness* quote: It has been my experience that switches, in general, are more open to expressing their kinks or sexual interests than most other orientations. CarrieO Imho DesIFP's comment is actually a compliment and highlighting a common problem in any relationship "constant and current communication" slipping in the human trait of preconceived conceptions. "I am Dominate I will top" is sot of a given, might not even come up for discussion, while entering a relationship a Switch an extraordinary amount of time in the beginning is spent just on defining bounders. TC, (I hope you don't mind me shortening your name) maybe my answer and question was clouded with my own personal experiences...much like everyone else...but I didn't see the comment made by DesFIP as a compliment. If it was, I apoligize for misunderstanding. I read it as just a statement that I was hoping for clarification on. I often read post made by people that say, in effect, they aren't able to trust a switch in a relationship because they 'switch at the drop of a hat'. So much comes down to communication, imo, and it really doesn't matter how a person identifies. I believe in every relationship, the discussion of boundaries or limits needs to be tackled, early and often. To be honest, I was hashing the idea of honest communication, trust and limits over in my mind while driving this morning and I thought back to a saying we have at work...'your lack of proper planning does not constitute an emergency on my part'. To relate it back to switches and communication...'your lack of proper communication does not constitute a switch issue on my part'. I've met more than a few people who identify as dominant who enjoy bottoming purely for the sensory experience and don't identify as a switch for whatever reason. Most of them make it very clear when getting to know a perspective partner what their proclivities are. Yes, there will be those that don't or those who don't have a deep enough understanding of themselves or who aren't willing to acknowledge their desire to bottom and try to pass it off as something else. But, isn't that all the more reason for being as clear as possible in the beginning with someone new as to your own boundaries and limits (which is what you were saying, I know, but I think everyone, regardless of their label, has a responsibility to communicate)? Mistress once told me "Its all about mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter" Switch with swager [sm=whip.gif] edited for clarity

SunNMoon -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 9:57:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO I often read post made by people that say, in effect, they aren't able to trust a switch in a relationship because they 'switch at the drop of a hat'. So much comes down to communication, imo, and it really doesn't matter how a person identifies. I believe in every relationship, the discussion of boundaries or limits needs to be tackled, early and often. To be honest, I was hashing the idea of honest communication, trust and limits over in my mind while driving this morning and I thought back to a saying we have at work...'your lack of proper planning does not constitute an emergency on my part'. To relate it back to switches and communication...'your lack of proper communication does not constitute a switch issue on my part'. Sorry for editing everything down, but I just wanted to make it a bit clearer to read is all. I've always seen this a bit like the question of being bisexual really; that certain people just can't understand that a person can be happy being bisexual and monogamous. That they are afraid that they will not be able to fulfill all of there partners desires when really the persons going to be happy expressing themselves how it feels natural in the relationship. As you said CarrieO that it comes down to communication. People need to honestly express who and what they are when they are at the start of the relationship. It’s the same with other things too, its just one other thing that needs to be brought up. More on the topic of the OP, if people don’t feel that switches are real all I can think is you must not believe in Santa Claus either when you were little. Normally it doesn’t bother me at all. I just roll my eyes and move on. I might be thinking things in addition to that as well but I’m following the whole if you don’t have anything nice to say just don’t say it. Its all about finding what makes you happy after all.

laurell3 -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 10:06:12 AM)
Why is pisses you off is something only you can answer and deal with. Why they do it? There are many people in this world that have to think in absolutes to feel safe or have to feel superior or more knowlegable. This site is full of them and many posts here demonstrate just that. We are all what we are and nothing is really black and white when it comes to human personalities and characteristics. Let them label you, it feeds their fragile egos, just don't buy the label yourself or consider that anyone other than you should define you.

afkarr -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 11:04:15 AM)
As someone who plays part time and has a mostly vanilla life, refuses to practice high protocol with just anyone, and won't play silly dramatic online games like velcro cyber "collars", I'm quite accustomed to being relegated to the ranks of "fake". Being accused of "not really existing" is merely another level of "fake". I gave up fighting the fake label a while ago; I am what I am; and the only people that whatever I am is relevant to is myself and those I'm playing with. Life is to short to spend it worrying about what every idiot I run across thinks. They can do whatever floats their boat, and I'll do whatever floats mine.

TomCypress -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/5/2010 7:48:13 PM)
I think this addresses Laurell's post.. its a little dry but technical journals traditionally are Maslow's hierarchy of human needs. (From Maslow, A. (1970}. Motivation and personaIity (2nd ed.). New York: Harper & Row; reprinted by permission of Harper Collins Publishers.) Maslow maintained that our most basic need is for physiological survival: shelter warmth, food, drink, and so on. Once these physiological needs are met, individuals then are able to address the need for safety and security, including freedom from danger and absence of threat. Once safety has been assured, belonging or love, which is usually found within families, friendships, membership in associations, and within the community, then becomes a priority Maslow stressed that only when we are anchored in community do we develop self-esteem, the need to assure ourselves of our own worth as individuals. Maslow claimed that the need for self-esteem can be met through mastery or achievement in a given field or through gaining respect or recognition from others. Once the need for self-esteem has been largely met, Maslow stated, we will develop a new restlessness and the urge to pursue the unique gifts or talents that may be particular to that person. As Maslow stated, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be at ultimate peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. He must be true to his own nature" A Switch with swagger[sm=2cents.gif] Faith in oneself is the best and safest course

DesFIP -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/6/2010 4:23:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Whereas obviously anyone who identified as a switch upfront would be having the conversation about compatible kinks before the relationship started. I'm curious, DesFIP, why it would seem obvious that switches would discuss compatible kinks before getting closer to someone and a submissive or dominant wouldn't? If a dom doesn't say that he likes to bottom on occassion or a sub likes to top sometimes, is that a switch problem or a communication problem? It has been my experience that switches, in general, are more open to expressing their kinks or sexual interests than most other orientations. You're absolutely right and I said it wrong. Yes, of course a sub or dom who liked to top or bottom on occasion should say so upfront. Hell. every important thing ought to be discussed upfront. I said switch because this is the switch forum.

CarrieO -> RE: Why do people do this? (5/6/2010 5:08:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Hell. every important thing ought to be discussed upfront. No right or wrong...I was really just looking for clarification. Thanks. The quoted portion of your answer above made me laugh...it's true for pretty much everything. [:D]

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