Question to Ponder #4

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Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 12:05:39 AM

Dustyn

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Not to offend, but this question is on the basic nature of being a switch.

As I understand it, a switch is neither dominant nor submissive exclusively, but a mixture, to one extent or another, of both.

Now if that assumption is wrong, it will invalidate the rest of this, so here's to hoping that I am not too far off base.

In both of these scenarios, the number of encounters is set at 10, just for simplicity in mathematics.

Scenario A: Switch 1, while sceneing, is dominant 90% of the time and submits only 10% of the time. Is it unfair to say that this person is actually a dominant that enjoys relinquishing control once in a while, regardless of the motivation behind it?

Scenario B: Switch 2, while sceneing, is submissive 90% of the time and dominates only 10% of the time. Is it unfair to say that this person is actually a submissive that enjoys being submissive, but still enjoys occassionally cracking the whip, so to speak, once in a while?

Please separate answers in some manner, be it Switch 1 and 2, Scenario A and B, or what have you. Really don't want to try and sift through long posts trying to figure out which part of the post goes towards answering which question. I invariably make a mistake and end up putting the wrong answers to the right questions. Annoys me to no end, but as my grandfather used to say: "Can't tell the players without a program."

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 1:21:18 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

Not to offend, but this question is on the basic nature of being a switch.

Pssst.. you are assuming that all switches are D/s in nature and leaving out those who are S/m only. Don't we count? It's ok if we don't. I'm used to it. ;)

Celeste

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 4:31:29 AM

Sensualips

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To me scening is more about top and bottom. I see domination and submission as personality traits, something that is part of the relationship dynamic and based on an authority exchange. So simple mathmatics really don't apply.

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 4:48:57 AM

SimplyV

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

Scenario A: Switch 1, while sceneing, is dominant 90% of the time and submits only 10% of the time. Is it unfair to say that this person is actually a dominant that enjoys relinquishing control once in a while, regardless of the motivation behind it?

This is for either scenario.. but I'll pick A .. just for less confusion on your part.

It is not exactly "unfair" to say that a Switch who dommed 90% of the time was actually a Dominant that enjoyed reliquishing control once in a while, but does that make that switch any less of a Switch? No. Just makes that person a different type of Switch than the one that likes being submissive 90% of the time. They're both switches.

For every Switch, you can label them mostly Dominant, or mostly submissive, or mostly Top, or mostly bottom... even if they're just 51% one or the other. If you really want to get out your label maker and do it.. you can.

But then you can do that with anyone, anywhere.. we all are different. No two Dominants are alike.. There are Sadists, Mostly Sadists, Masochistic Dom/mes, Mostly Masochistic Dom/mes, Daddy Doms, Sadistic Daddy Doms, Sweet Dom/mes, etc. and no two subs are alike either..

Name a category. There will be someone to fit in it.. and someone to not fit in it.

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 4:52:49 AM

Lashra

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I don't understand what all the confusion is about switches. We are just able to access our Dom/sub traits (which everyone has) easier than the average person. I am a Dominant Switch if you have to stick a label on me. I'm a Dom, but sometimes I will switch once a year into sub mode for the man I am currently dating. I've never done that with anyone before and wanted to try it. He is an ex-Dom he now prefers to sub so he doesnt care if I play sub or not. But I would not switch for anyone else

Do I like playing sub? Well in all honesty not really, I mean I tried it because I was curious about what the other end of the whip is like and I find I prefer being the one doing the flogging.

So I guess the answer to your question is a switch is simply that, a switch, they play whatever mood they are in at the time. If you need to stick a label on someone I guess you could have Domswitch and subswitch.

Personally we are more into the S&M then the D/s, though in the bedroom I have total control, outside of that we are on equal terms. That's how we like it and it works for us.

~Lashra

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 6:49:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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You can call them whatever you want, as long as you respect what they call themselves and don't try and convince them that they are wrong.

I only recently began referring to myself as a switch, but I didn't really change anything I've been DOING for a few years.

It's not the actions, it's the self-definition.

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 6:55:18 AM

WyrdRich

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I'm rejecting your premise again. You are stuck in the D/s box. We are out of the box. It's like someone asking a Buddist if they are more Christian or Hindu.

How I define myself here and in the community is not the central factor of how I define myself in life, merely an aspect of my personality.

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 8:27:56 AM

Laura

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The percentages don't matter. When someone decides to call themselves a Switch they are making a choice. Think of it as a third option, rather than a blend of either of the others. Sub, Dom and Switch - each stand alone.

Yes, there are Switch 1 and Switch 2 people out there. Those who like a little change. But, as a Switch I could not become a sub and stay in that role alone. I also would not want to Dom only. That is why I look for other Switches, I'd like someone who has chosen that third option too. That way I don't have to fit myself into sub or Dom exclusively, I can just be who I am.

I'm dating a guy who isn't especially into BDSM or D/s and that's ok too cause he is willing to try things and let me enjoy him as I like and in turn he is happy to please me too. I wouldn't call him a Switch though. He doesn't choose to call himself one so I'm not going to either.

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 8:35:09 AM

Evanesce

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quote:

As I understand it, a switch is neither dominant nor submissive exclusively, but a mixture, to one extent or another, of both.

They CAN be, certainly, but not all of us are such a mixture. Being dominant or submissive is a personality trait, and to be a switch does not require that one have both of these traits.

Basically, to be a switch, one must embrace the top side as well as the bottom side, in whatever percentage or combination that works. You'll find people who call themselves switches who spend 99.9% of their time at one end of the whip and .1% at the other. And you'll find people who call themselves switches who split it straight down the middle. And then you'll find people who call themselves switches (several of whom are on this forum) who use the term simply because it's a convenient way to "explain" who they are to someone who cannot see in terms other than black and white.

< Message edited by Evanesce -- 4/6/2006 8:36:15 AM >

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 4/6/2006 11:26:24 AM

Dustyn

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Interesting explanations.

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 3/5/2007 8:48:39 PM

Mustardseed

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

Scenario A: Switch 1, while sceneing, is dominant 90% of the time and submits only 10% of the time. Is it unfair to say that this person is actually a dominant that enjoys relinquishing control once in a while, regardless of the motivation behind it?

Scenario B: Switch 2, while sceneing, is submissive 90% of the time and dominates only 10% of the time. Is it unfair to say that this person is actually a submissive that enjoys being submissive, but still enjoys occassionally cracking the whip, so to speak, once in a while?

One of the first in-jokes I heard in my local kink community would best describe Switch 2 from Scenario B. They'd be considered "A Switch With Bottom Rising." My guess is that Switch 1 from Scenario A would be a "A Switch With Top Rising."

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 3/6/2007 4:48:20 PM

beltainefaerie

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I also thank that many, if not most switches are sub to some people and dominant to others. Certainly some do in the context of the same relationship, but I think most do with more than one partner.

Also, BitaTruble (Celeste), I wouldn't think of people that are both masochistic and sadistic as inherently switches. They certainly could be, but for example, if a dominant wants to tell their submissive to flog with this implement, that is still an order and they are still in control, even though they are being beaten. Does that make sense? Maybe I am missing something. Certainly, though, my definitions have nothing to do with other people's labels. People can self-identify in whatever ways they want.) I just wondered, since I think of switch as being related to the who-is-in-control aspect of what we do, rather than the sensation/pain aspect.

edited to correct a spelling error

< Message edited by beltainefaerie -- 3/6/2007 4:53:11 PM >

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RE: Question to Ponder #4 - 3/8/2007 4:47:11 PM

Suleiman

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I am of the opinion that dominance and submission are both firmly entrenched in all people. The only questions are those of the preference of the individual, and how they choose to express their urges. When dealing with the two scenarios given, it is unfair to label the person in question inconsistantly with their own self-identification. If #1 considers themselves to be a dominant, they are dominant. If instead they apply the term switch, they are a switch. One might wish to cock and eyebrow in #1's direction if instead they describe themselves as submissive, but they might very well have a good reason for thet - like if their partner, who is the one truly in control, chooses to be dominated while in-scene.

Gnaw on that for a while.

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