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DelightfulDreams -> RE: BDSM - With or Without Sex? (9/18/2004 5:37:43 AM)
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Just my little two cents.
I feel that the BDSM lifestyle is what you make of it. If you are a sexual person so be it, do as you like and bang until you are raw twice over!
Myself I am split in both ways. I am a Switch, and so is my partner in crime. When I play with him it is 100% sexual and we end up having wonderful sticky sweaty, smelly sex four a good four five hours but only after we had cooled down from our sceen and outside of our play area.
However, when I am Top, and I am with someone who is just a submissive, my views change from night to day. I will not touch my submissive (male or female) sexually. I feel that if I give into allowing my submissive my own pleasure I'm losing my power over Him/Her. ( I know its an insecurity but damn it, what can I say when I was brought up to not give it up unless I was in love!!!). So in a strange sense it is a twisted form of monogamy I have with my partner.
Beside the whole losing of power thing, with the way I was brought into the lifestyle sex wasn't an issue with my training. BDSM in my mind is about giving up what you want... to please another person. Meaning because I am a Dominate doesn't mean that I can force my will upon my submissive. I get pleasure out of just having him/her crawling to me, nuzzling my feet, and adoring me. In turn my submissive is giving up their safety net... they are trusting me with their minds, bodies, and hearts. What greater thing is that? I feel many of us forget what we really enjoy about the lifestyle, because we have a throbbing pussy, or dick.
I give into my lusts outside of screening, and play time because in my own twisted mind I some how feel that I am disrespecting my Mentors and what they had taught me was right and wrong as a Top to my bottom.
AGAIN this is my two cents... it isn't right... wrong... ... its just an option!!!!
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