RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship

RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

AspX -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:11:15 PM)
BoiJen, Thanks for... um... weighing in... on the other side from most of the people answering. Being in Michigan myself, and having a job that requires no physcial activity, I know exactly what you mean about packing on the pounds without even realizing it because you just don't naturally move around as much. Good luck to both you and MsKitty on the diets. AspX

myotherself -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:15:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AspX quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself hmmm...that got me thinking! [:D] Sorry about that [:D] lol - I'll forgive you, just this once!

AspX -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:16:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 quote: ORIGINAL: AspX As part of a long-term M/s relationship, does anyone here require the bottom to transform their body so that it is more pleasing to their top? first, your use of the terms Master/slave and top/bottom interchangeably are confusing me a bit, although i think i understand your reasoning behind it. Sorry about that... I was REALLY trying to stay away from all the different distinctions and use generic terms, so the use of "M/s" was just one of my normal screwups... Thanks for tossing your personal experiences into the mix

LaTigresse -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:16:29 PM)
For over a year I have been working VERY hard to live a healthier life. Eating right, getting regular exercise and making changes when things are not going as I hoped. Even when it's not fun. I want to be around for a very long time and be able to do what I want.......hike, ride, etc. The path I had started down was not at all conducive to my goals. I had gained far too much weight, something I'd never had to deal with before but time changes that. So it was time to change a lifetime of bad habits. I am very healthy but if I had continued, I wouldn't have stayed that way. It's not easy, I know that. No one promised everything in life was going to be. I would dearly love to eat a number of things rather than the salads I've been eating.....even though I love the salads. There are many days I would love to sit on the couch instead of moving my hiney. If I can demand this from myself, you bet your ass I am going to demand it of my property! As far as piercings, tattoos and other vanity modifications.......personally I don't care for them so that is a moot point.

BoiJen -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:19:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AspX BoiJen, Thanks for... um... weighing in... on the other side from most of the people answering. Being in Michigan myself, and having a job that requires no physcial activity, I know exactly what you mean about packing on the pounds without even realizing it because you just don't naturally move around as much. Good luck to both you and MsKitty on the diets. AspX The key is finding the right support and the right system that works for you. It just so happens a friend of our down here is a diet coach and instead of asking us to eat less, she asked us to eat more and just change the food we were eating. Now there's a lot of green leafy foods and chicken and low sodium seafood instead of the traditional American red meat diet. It's sometimes hard to eat all of the food we have to on the diet in a day but it's important because the diet focuses on naturally boosting metabolism by feeding it. This is one of the few diets that work and it has a maintenance plan for after loosing the weight to maintain the weight you want. Becuase the reality is, going back to the old food plan would have us gaining weight again and we don't want that. If anyone is interested in long distance, inexpensive diet coaching, I'd be happy to send you our diet coach's info. MsKitty is down 30 lbs in less than six months. It's all healthy weight loss and building sustainability in the program. boi

AspX -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:20:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 on the other side of things, guys have gone to the gym and got more active in a bid to get fitter because although im not anything like perfect i do try and look after myself. i go to the gym, ride, walk alot.and eat healthily. i do let it slide sometimes and i respond totally if im told to head for the gym or lose some weight. i dont really get the issue about this. i accept that people have weight problems and sometimes health gets in the way of a fitness regime but wanting a person to be fit and healthy isnt all about image, its about wanting youre partner to be healthy. i think if youre with someone who cares about their fitness and health then youre likely to want to be with someone who is a bit the same. i suppose i tend to be attracted to men who arent heavily overweight and take care of themselves. that doesnt mean rippling muscles and a wash board stumock, but it does mean having a level of fitness that means they choose to go for a walk rather than veg out on the sofa. if i was a domme and i had a sub who was a little under fit id definitely send him to the gym for his own good and his own health - to me its all about caring about a person and wanting them to feel their best. its not about saying 'youre a slob work on it' if they were a slob i wouldn go there anyway. Thanks for the answer lally

AspX -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:26:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse For over a year I have been working VERY hard to live a healthier life. Eating right, getting regular exercise and making changes when things are not going as I hoped. Even when it's not fun. ... There are many days I would love to sit on the couch instead of moving my hiney. If I can demand this from myself, you bet your ass I am going to demand it of my property! Congratulations on making those changes. Went through the same kind of realization about four years ago when I was about thirty pounds overweight and really out of shape, then changed a lot of things to make myself healthy. I respect the amount of effort and commitment that it takes, which is why I was asking about whether some would require it of others for their own good. Thanks for throwing your opinion into the mix.

AspX -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:34:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BoiJen The key is finding the right support and the right system that works for you. It just so happens a friend of our down here is a diet coach and instead of asking us to eat less, she asked us to eat more and just change the food we were eating. Now there's a lot of green leafy foods and chicken and low sodium seafood instead of the traditional American red meat diet. It's sometimes hard to eat all of the food we have to on the diet in a day but it's important because the diet focuses on naturally boosting metabolism by feeding it. This is one of the few diets that work and it has a maintenance plan for after loosing the weight to maintain the weight you want. Becuase the reality is, going back to the old food plan would have us gaining weight again and we don't want that. Yea... how to achieve body transformation goals is a completely different and highly complicated (and sometimes contradictory) subject. Eating habits to lose weight (aka dieting) are much different from eating habits to build lean muscle mass or permanent lifestyle changes to maintain a certain balance in your body. Plus the effectiveness of each one is different for each individual (although the general principles are the same).

BoiJen -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 12:39:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AspX Yea... how to achieve body transformation goals is a completely different and highly complicated (and sometimes contradictory) subject. Eating habits to lose weight (aka dieting) are much different from eating habits to build lean muscle mass or permanent lifestyle changes to maintain a certain balance in your body. Plus the effectiveness of each one is different for each individual (although the general principles are the same). what I've found is that the plan actually works for just about everybody if they can stick to it. exercise has little or nothing to do with loosing the padding, rather it has to do with building and strengthening the muscles under the padding. The padding is food. Period. The love handles are food. The only way to make them go away is to change the food you're putting into your body. Change the fuel to some high octane stuff not the crap the has the gunk in it. And when the struggle comes because ice cream is suddenly something that makes you orgasmic, decide then if what you really want is the padding or the health. Thinking about food this way is hard. I have a love affair with food. And it comes down to self control. You are a person with a brain, you have a choice. It's all about choosing to do better by yourself as much as anything else. The funny thing of what I'm finding though is that because my work in whip making is physically intense on my upper body, I'm building lean muscle mass much quicker now that I have changed the fuel I'm putting into my body. I'm hoping this will count as a "health plan" for when I need to hire people lol boi

afkarr -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 2:12:03 PM)
I tend to value what's between the ears far more than what's beneath the neckline, from both sides of the equation. I also tend to attract people who think the same way. A really cool toy wrapped in last weeks newspaper is far more interesting, fun, and useful than a box of air covered in sparkly paper and curly-q bows.

BoiJen -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 2:17:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: afkarr I tend to value what's between the ears far more than what's beneath the neckline, from both sides of the equation. I also tend to attract people who think the same way. A really cool toy wrapped in last weeks newspaper is far more interesting, fun, and useful than a box of air covered in sparkly paper and curly-q bows. As a contrary, I tend to think of people like cars...I'm not gonna buy a piece of shit that hasn't been treated well when there's a perfectly well taken care of vehicle just around the corner. It'll last longer and be far more enjoyable to in and around.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 2:19:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: afkarr I tend to value what's between the ears far more than what's beneath the neckline, from both sides of the equation. Heh. I'm a greedy bastard, and I want both. On thread topic: 1. I don't believe "it's the dom's responsibility to take care of the sub." Of course, it is, but only in the sense that it's the responsibility of people in relationships to care for one another. If the lady I'm seeing doesn't have a strong take-care-of-me "fetish," then, frankly, what's the point? No one looks that good in a bikini. 2. Like Boijen, I have bad genes on both sides of my family. It might be fair to say that I am currently in the best shape of my life, because I was not athletic in my teens, but work out quite a bit now. I don't have a lifelong habit of exercise though. It's new -- a couple years old. I put together a program for myself. No reason I couldn't do it for someone else. But, see (3). 3. Eating issues are deep deep behavioral issues. I don't consider them controllable by sex- or fetsih-orientation-based D/s. Anyone who thinks they can top you out of your poor health has one big honking ego, without much backing it up. (Certified personal trainers, and so on, excepted. But we know people with actual credentials are pretty frikkin rare.)

laurell3 -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 2:31:08 PM)
What he said in 1 and 3 and by the way, if anyone suggested to me they wanted to modify me in an unhealthy way because it turned them on, they wouldn't get past my mailbox.

FetishRose -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 2:36:06 PM)
My Sir has a set standard of what he wants me to look like, and like in every aspect of my life, I do my utmost to keep him pleased with me. Whether its how I color/cut my hair, what type of underwear I wear, or my size, it is done to please him. However, my Sir is also a very realistic man, and he would never have begun dating me, or entered into a D/s relationship with me if he had expected me to be a size 2, since my body would never ever be that small, based on bone structure alone. He loves my body, but if there was something he wished to change about it, he would. I have to keep my weight between certain parameters, and since I am working on losing the final twenty pounds, once that is done, my weight parameters will likely change again. I am to always keep my size between an 8 and a 12. Smaller on me just looks unhealthy, and bigger could be dangerous to my health. I'm currently at a 10, so I'm almost to where I want to be, on the low end of that spectrum. So, to specifically answer your questions: 1) He does not require me to transform my body, because he likes it. However, I must maintain it. 2) My appearance does reflect on him. He wants me looking attractive on his arm. 3) Since he knows I am trying to lose weight, he does review my food journal and he makes the decisions for when I can have treats. But he doubts I would be any more attractive if I was thinner [:D] 4) I am incredibly attracted to my Sir, and that attraction is very important. If he were to gain/lose significant amounts of weight, I would express my concern for his health, since he's in amazing shape. However, even if he did, I would not feel it hypocritical for him to continue to monitor mine (since I'm the one who asked him to). 5) I think people have the right to be any size they want to be. People who are large know the health concerns that go along with it, and they are large for a variety of reasons, some out of their control. If the bottom enjoys his or her size but the top does not, there is an issue there that may best result in not being together. If the bottom is unhappy with their size, I would think they would greatly appreciate their top's aide and concern in fixing that. 6) I would not be with my Sir if he wanted me to get larger. I love the fact that if I did get a little larger, that he would find me attractive and love me regardless of my weight, but if that was actually his fetish, no. We would be incompatible, then.

DesFIP -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 3:21:38 PM)
It's pretty much a bad start to say to someone that you don't like them as they are and hope you'll become attracted to them if they lose weight. Because there's no way to tell if you'll find the missing chemistry at that point. Plus you're telling them they are a failure as they are. And obviously hypocrisy is going to lose you respect. Now healthwise is something different. If you're both overweight and one of you gets diagnosed diabetic, then you should both lose weight and exercise. Which let me tell you is a lot harder than it looks. In three months he's brought his blood sugar down 150 points and barely lost 5 pounds. I've brought my blood sugar down 20 points and improved my TSH by 40 points and maybe lost two pounds. It's easy to tell someone you require it, it's a lot harder to accomplish. I'm not a dietitian or nutritionist and neither is he. The good gym is over ten miles away and inconveniently located (one way street). My point with this is that if he's going to be giving her a diet, then he better be knowledgeable. And if you make it too difficult to do, people go non compliant. So demanding she comes goes to the gym after work and doesn't pick her kids up from day care is not appropriate. Telling her to work out after they go to sleep means she'll get no sleep because exercise late at night wakes people up. And so on. And if you want her to get an $800 treadmill to use earlier in the morning, then it better be coming out of your pocket plus you had better be willing to have the lights and tv on at 5:00AM and have her going to bed right after the kids do. Work, school, child rearing, commuting, cleaning, cooking etc take up most of the day. And removing her only downtime won't work either. Make it doable or expect her to quit.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 3:49:26 PM)
I expect my subs to care about their physical presentation. Now, I'm nearly forty, and I understand that I'm at the age where my cohort starts to have knee and back issues. And it's not like I can order someone's knee not to have torn cartilage, y'know? (grin) But if someone does have knee issues, I'd expect him to be doing low-impact and non-weight-bearing forms of exercise and reordering his life so he works smarter not harder and gets the most out of his weightbearing daily, and I'd expect him to let me cooperate with him on that, just as I expect subs to be cognizant of my reduced energy budget due to fibromyalgia, and my reduced standing budget due to the dislocated foot bones. Food and weight are huge, touchy subjects. I have found that I am comfortable being societally overweight. Now, when I came to this conclusion I was actually overweight, and still am, but I am losing weight. However, I will never be a model. I have broad shoulders and hips, a short waist, a lot of ass, and large breasts. This is the family shape, and that's just what I have to deal with, no matter what, and anyone who wants to waste time quibbling about that isn't someone I want in my life.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 4:07:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlexandraLynch I expect my subs to care about their physical presentation. Now, I'm nearly forty, and I understand that I'm at the age where my cohort starts to have knee and back issues. And it's not like I can order someone's knee not to have torn cartilage, y'know? (grin) But if someone does have knee issues, I'd expect him to be doing low-impact and non-weight-bearing forms of exercise and reordering his life so he works smarter not harder and gets the most out of his weightbearing daily, and I'd expect him to let me cooperate with him on that, just as I expect subs to be cognizant of my reduced energy budget due to fibromyalgia, and my reduced standing budget due to the dislocated foot bones. Food and weight are huge, touchy subjects. I have found that I am comfortable being societally overweight. Now, when I came to this conclusion I was actually overweight, and still am, but I am losing weight. However, I will never be a model. I have broad shoulders and hips, a short waist, a lot of ass, and large breasts. This is the family shape, and that's just what I have to deal with, no matter what, and anyone who wants to waste time quibbling about that isn't someone I want in my life. I've read about this exercise thing. If I recall, they even have a Wiki on it somewhere.

NuevaVida -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 6:14:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AspX As part of a long-term M/s relationship, does anyone here require the bottom to transform their body so that it is more pleasing to their top? I was already on a weight loss program when we met. What he requires of me, is that I finish what I start - in all areas of my life (when it is healthy to do so). I expect this of myself, as well. As for my weight, I started losing because I wanted to be healthier and also more appealing to myself. Add him to the mix, and hell yes, I want to be more appealing to him, too. But it wasn't something ordered of me when we met - it was already in place and all he does is provide incredible encouragement and support, particularly during the rough weeks. quote: Do tops view their bottom's physical appearance as a reflection of themselves when they take the bottom out in public (whether it be an actual BDSM activity or just to the grocery store)? I have no idea and don't care enough to ask. We are reflections of each other, overall, because we are together. Like Aquatic said, we're reflections of who our friends our, of what we do, of how we respond to life, etc. But my looks and well being is a direct reflection of how I have chosen to take care of myself. quote: Does requiring the bottom to journal what they eat, or limit caloric/carb/fat intake, or exercise for a certain amount of time (or in a certain way) in order to make themselves more physically attractive increase the bond of service by having the bottom serve in little ways throughout the entire day? No. I do what he says when he wants me to do something. The increasing bond of service comes from our love and respect for each other, and simply being who we are, not from chores and directives and such. To me, those seem like contrived ways of creating a situation that wouldn't exist otherwise, and thus rather ingenuous. I'm either going to submit to him and love him because of who he is, or I'm not. quote: Does the top's physical appearance play into the bottom's willingness or attitude towards this type of control (i.e., is the top being a hypocrite because they are severely overweight vs. the top being in good physical shape and wanting the same from their partner)? Interesting question. My ex owner was very overweight, and while he demanded, hollered, humiliated and yelled at me to lose weight (all of which were unsuccessful attempts, by the way), he did nothing to improve his own physical well being. I didn't see hypocrisy in it, since I viewed him as the owner who could do whatever he wanted and demand what he wanted of me - in other words, there is a double standard in M/s relationships, as I see it. However, I didn't respect this part of him, and I struggled with that. My owner now is actually influenced by my successful weight loss path (I've lost 60 pounds so far) and has begun to eat more healthy, as well as exercise. He didn't have all that much to lose to begin with, but I think it's really cool that he is so open to being healthy with me. *That's* the kind of thing that increases our bond - that he embraces who I am and is open to bettering himself in the process. I find that amazingly attractive. quote: Does it make a difference if a sub is overweight to the point of possible long-term health concerns such as diabetes, high cholesterol, joint issues (ankle, knee and hip problems), etc... by changing the equation from being an issue of "pleasing the top" to one of "taking care of the bottom"? Having just lost 60, I was overweight to the point of potential health problems. I had only lost about 25 when we met, and I told him prior to our meeting how much I weighed and that I'd understand if he found that too unattractive to go forward with. He also knew I was on a path to getting healthy, and had faith that I'd continue. I won't go back to where I was before (because I got myself mentally healthy before embarking on physical health), but if he were ever concerned about that, he'd step in, yes, out of concern for my well being. But then he has concern for my well being in all areas of my life. quote: Would going the opposite way, the top having a fet fetish and wanting the bottom to increase rather than decrease their size, change your answers to the previous questions? I could only see him wanting this if I became too thin, and therefore, no, my answers wouldn't change. He cares for my well being, and would act accordingly.

MasterWilliam55 -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 6:29:59 PM)
Did anyone forget to mention that all to many Doms could use a little "body transformation"!

Aileen1968 -> RE: Requiring Body Transformation (Weight Loss) in a M/s Relationship (5/5/2010 6:40:00 PM)
He is the devil.... I swear. He loves good food and good wine. And then he makes me weigh in every day. The fucker. Now that the weather is nice I have to start walking daily. I'm not allowed to cut my hair without asking. I'm not allowed to change anything about myself without asking. He is with me for any body mods from the last year on out...piercings, tattoos. Everything about myself is an extension of him and a reflection of him. edited to add...as far as his physical appearance goes, he is healthy, weight appropriate, good looking and has large feet. [:)]

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125