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Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 6:54:15 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline 		As you may or may not know I have recently been released my Master.

I'm left with a perplexing and a hugely embarrassing problem.
He had complete control over my sexual release.

I've tried and failed to bring myself, but without that all important permission breathed into my ear all I got is tears, frustration and chafe.

As I said, this is embarrassing to have to ask how to get past this and it is a legitimate and serious question.

Thanks.

Lady Bug.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 6:58:51 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		This is an extremely common problem, so don't be embarrassed!  To put it in some perspective, the most serious cases I've seen discussed on the boards are men whose Mistresses kept them in long-term chastity, and then the relationship ended.  They discovered they became unable to perform sexually, which is something that a new prospective Mistress would not be impressed by.

In the meantime, will this help?

You have permission to come.  In fact, I order you to come once every time this thread grows another page.

-- Pixelpostingcyberdom


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LittleBroken)
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RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:04:29 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline 		Ahem....

Thanks for that, but not what I had in mind considering there is no bond here between us and I'm not looking for another and so the permission you just gave me means nothing.

The thread really wasn't an advert for a replacement, but thanks anyway.

I want to break the mental bond I have with my old master so I can Orgasm again ON MY OWN.

Cheers.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:07:29 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		awww....you give it enough time that your mind is over the emotional and hopefully your body will follow. If not, you seek a therapist and NOT another Dom! I'm sure this post will get you many wanting to jump in that position, ignore them for the love of god.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 5/12/2010 7:08:06 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LittleBroken)
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RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:10:14 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

awww....you give it enough time that your mind is over the emotional and hopefully your body will follow. If not, you seek a therapist and NOT another Dom! I'm sure this post will get you many wanting to jump in that position, ignore them for the love of god.


I hear you..it does seem I should have written a disclaimer at the bottom of my OP.

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:10:30 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleBroken
Thanks for that, but not what I had in mind considering there is no bond here between us and I'm not looking for another and so the permission you just gave me means nothing.

The thread really wasn't an advert for a replacement, but thanks anyway.

I want to break the mental bond I have with my old master so I can Orgasm again ON MY OWN.

I wasn't serious.  Or, rather, I was, but I didn't expect you to "obey."  I was hoping you'd run into something like what you just said.

It's not that you have a mental bond with your old master; it's that you don't have a strong mental bond with yourself.  You can't give yourself permission for the exact same reason I can't give you permission: the bond isn't there.

Don't think of what you need to do as destroying an old bond.  Think of it as building -- re-building -- your own self-confidence, self-control and your own power.  Do something in the positive to build each day, and, over time, you will replace the old bonds with newer, healthier ones.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:18:09 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		If you parted on good terms, I suppose you could ask him for a recording of him saying those words, and use it to help wean you off of it over time. Obviously, it would be embarrassing to ask it of him, but I figure it can't hurt to throw it out there. Also, playing with yourself and deliberately not taking it to the edge, just enjoying the sensations, might help you reconnect with your body without so much frustration.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:38:22 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

If you parted on good terms, I suppose you could ask him for a recording of him saying those words, and use it to help wean you off of it over time. Obviously, it would be embarrassing to ask it of him, but I figure it can't hurt to throw it out there. Also, playing with yourself and deliberately not taking it to the edge, just enjoying the sensations, might help you reconnect with your body without so much frustration.


Don't think your idea of ringing him..or E-mailing him to ask for a Y! voice mail hasn't crossed my mind.
It has....boy howdy has it crossed my mind so many times it's worn it's own track.
Part of it's pride.
I ask for a voice mail he'll know how much I'm suffering and know that he's stuck in my head, all of which will give a sadist like him one huge orgasm of the mind.
Begging/asking him for his voice permission seems too much like our old dynamic.

(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:40:11 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline
sorry double post


< Message edited by LittleBroken -- 5/12/2010 7:42:52 PM >

(in reply to LittleBroken)
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RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 7:48:52 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleBroken

Don't think your idea of ringing him..or E-mailing him to ask for a Y! voice mail hasn't crossed my mind.
It has....boy howdy has it crossed my mind so many times it's worn it's own track.
Part of it's pride.
I ask for a voice mail he'll know how much I'm suffering and know that he's stuck in my head, all of which will give a sadist like him one huge orgasm of the mind.
Begging/asking him for his voice permission seems too much like our old dynamic.



I think having his voice there for you again wouldn't be good. It might be better to just go cold turkey. It would reinforce the bond you had before instead of having you move on.

How about if you just take it little by little and start with baby steps? Like just touch your skin and concentrate on small things like the texture and warmth without having you concentrate on the orgasm? Have your efforts be directed more at an overall sensuality, light candles, take a bath, have a glass of wine and just release your expectations of having to get somewhere with your exploration - enjoy the journey and not the destination.

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 8:12:55 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		It might help if you masturbate for the reason that it just feels good without pressuring yourself to orgasm.  Just enjoy what feels good.  As you get over your break up and relax more I'll bet the ability to orgasm again returns to you.  Give it time.  

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 8:15:27 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline 		Thank you for some wonderful and sensitive advice ladies.

Hugs,

~LB

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 8:20:56 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I've tried and failed to bring myself, but without that all important permission breathed into my ear all I got is tears, frustration and chafe.

It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, which isn't going to help at all. IIRC, it was a pretty recent breakup and it is obviously on your mind right now, which is probably making getting to a mental happy place a bit difficult. For myself, if it isn't happening in my head, it isn't happening, period. 

I say give yourself some time, and work on your ability to fantasize about not him. Play around by all means, but don't expect or pressure yourself to orgasm. As some of the others said, just enjoy what you are doing. You might just surprise yourself. 


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 8:22:00 PM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If one simply strokes in a good massage oil and gives themself a good long massage regularly with a quality vibrator like the Hitachi magic wand, good sensations will occur which will feel nice. Gradually they may begin to feel a lot better than nice.

Of course several new playmates ALL working you over with toys like that could help a lot too!

I have found that enjoying giving multiple orgasms to others brings my own multiples closer too!



_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 8:55:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It took time for the bonds to form, it will take time for their loss to heal. Give yourself the grieving and healing time you deserve.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 9:22:29 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vield
If one simply strokes in a good massage oil and gives themself a good long massage regularly with a quality vibrator like the Hitachi magic wand, good sensations will occur which will feel nice. Gradually they may begin to feel a lot better than nice.

In addition to what others have said about giving yourself time, I think this is brilliant advice. When Master uses a Hitachi on me, I can hold back an orgasm for a while, but the Hitachi always wins out.

Good luck in your healing.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to vield)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 9:36:55 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		When my ex let me go, I had the same problem and not even a Hitachi would help.  I actually think RedMagic1 is onto something, in that the solution for myself was to take ownership of myself back - in all areas.  And in this area, too.  I had to break the connection with the ex.  I believe a recording of him giving permission is a bad, bad idea - it doesn't disconnect the bond and what happens if something happens to that recording?  You'll be in the same boat.  Instead, take yourself back.  Own your body and love your body and take care of your body.  Then, ask it to do something for you, and be patient about receiving what it gives.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 11:07:20 PM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline 		Once again some truly helpful advice.

Thank you.



(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 11:23:22 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Best of luck to you, LB. I think you will be just fine once you let yourself go through the grieving process that happens to all of us when a relationship ends. You aren't the first nor the last, and we all just do the best that we can until things get better, and they always do. 

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Breaking Mental Bonds. - 5/12/2010 11:41:26 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleBroken

As you may or may not know I have recently been released my Master.

I'm left with a perplexing and a hugely embarrassing problem.
He had complete control over my sexual release.

I've tried and failed to bring myself, but without that all important permission breathed into my ear all I got is tears, frustration and chafe.

As I said, this is embarrassing to have to ask how to get past this and it is a legitimate and serious question.

Thanks.

Lady Bug.



I know it is cliche, but time does heal. We all love to feel good, but when you think about it, it is perfectly normal after a breakup to not really be all that interested in sex for a while. You admit you don't want someone new yet (which is good). Cut yourself some slack. As you begin to get over him more and more, your mind will catch up with the idea that your body, as well as your orgasms once again are under your control and things will improve.

The more you worry about it, the worse it is going to get. So instead of frustrating yourself further by putting all that stress on yourself trying to achieve that illusive orgasm, just continue to remind yourself that they will come back when you are really ready. In the meantime, pamper yourself a bit. Spend time with friends and all the other stuff that will help you get over him. We all get over these things in our own time and everyone's time is different.

(in reply to LittleBroken)
Profile   Post #: 20
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