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Are you in different roles with different people? - 5/13/2010 10:52:09 AM

subartist

Posts: 43
Joined: 8/31/2007
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At first the idea of being a switch was confusing to me, as I'm most decidedly a sub, and only a sub. Until I was in a cuckold relationship with a woman who had a Dom, while I was her sub. And she was always dominant with me, but she considered herself a sub with him. I wonder if most people who consider themselves a switch feel one role with one person, and another role with another person, like my ex. If you are submissive when with a Dom, or else dominant when with a sub. Or if it is like a mood, today you are feeling submissive, tomorrow, dominant, but with another switch?

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 5/13/2010 1:26:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's actually rare to switch WITHIN a relationship. Usually a person forms one dynamic with one person, another dynamic with another person and so on.

I am ALWAYS me. I don't stop being sub or stop being dom. I don't magically become a sub just because a dom is around.

But some people, like me, do actually switch within a single dynamic. It's not a mood or a choice, it's just a calling. Like any sort of chemistry- some people call to you in some ways, some people don't, and some people call to you on a multiple of levels.

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 5/13/2010 3:39:55 PM

Level

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quote:

subartist:

I wonder if most people who consider themselves a switch feel one role with one person, and another role with another person,

The key word in your sentence above is "role". The handful of times I've bottomed was purely role-playing, to satisfy kinky sexual desires; I have absolutely no desire or wiring to actually submit to anyone.

LA, good to see you back around, btw.

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 5/13/2010 6:41:12 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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I am involved with my Master and my submissive playpartner, and sometimes have felt both Dominant and submissive within the same scene, when playing with both of them. I've never responded to the same person with both dominance and submission. I have switched between topping and bottoming within thsame scene, or in back-to-back scenes, with the same person. For me, it's not a "role," but rather how I react to an individual person.

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 5/15/2010 5:49:16 PM

DaddysInkedSlut

Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
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I am have switched within a relationship although it was done at the doms discretion. I do tend to be very different in each of my relationships but why wouldn't I be. None of my vanilla relationships are exactly the same?

I have never been submissive with a woman, I tend to be very donimant.
I can be very dominant with some men while totally submissive with others.

< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 5/15/2010 5:50:16 PM >

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 6/21/2010 4:51:33 PM

ladysblu

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Joined: 6/17/2010
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I'm always submissive to my Sir, but (almost) always top with others. I do however know a couple where they both switch from time to time, where neither is the dom. It seems to work well for them.

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 6/21/2010 8:30:46 PM

doubleLeo

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello!

I would identify with pretty much of what has been said....different with different people-like what "they bring out" in you...and I have experienced small "role" reversals in a one-on-one ltr...but that switch was more like a novelty on His end of things..

But also, regardless of what others bring out, I also have an inner relationship to my own self (as a switch).. and how I am choosing to relate to me. There is most definitely a choice to pursue one or the other. Its not like I look to dom someone, and then "run into " another dominant who changes my inner desire for the same.The need to dominate would still be there.

Ha- it would be hard pressed to say if my submissive side lives vicariously through my Dominant parts, or vice versa..especially since I enjoy denial so very much. After all, the "Dom in your head" as a submissive might be the "Dom in your bed" with someone else....

I have an empathetic connection to both perspectives in a scene, but still keeping in mind, that this is a self oriented process..having very little to do with the others involved. Its not like I am submissive with a certain someone, and then while in play, I am having dominant thoughts to the contrary. The "halves" both need full expression ( at least for me), and in order to do that, will utilize consistency over an elapsed time. In other words, if I am submissive with a person, then I usually am always submissive with them in the play...etc..
While some would say that the parts "take turns"..it kind of depends on how you relate to sexuality..I am not pleasure driven through my sexuality alone..I am quite content to have one partner, and be mentally stimulated ( and happy) with the dynamics being a certain way permanently. Some switches I know are quite miserable without both a Dom and a sub in their life...I personally can barely make ltrs work with one, let alone two..haha... hard to say..good question.

With that said, I have had, once, a dynamic where there was a simultaneous constant switching and that was shown to me..this person saw the potential for that kind of play and brought it out of me. it was very fast paced, very non verbal and kind of left me with a headache! Haha it was very fast paced...leaving me feeling uncertain of the power dynmaics of what took place..refreshing in one way, frustrating in another...

dL

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RE: Are you in different roles with different people? - 6/24/2010 1:49:19 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
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So far, I've stayed in one mode per person. Even thinking about switching with the same person goofs up my headspace.

(Just the thought of having a switch who used to be Dom become my sub is totally wrecking my headspace today, as well as having an overload of vanilla feelings that I am not used to having within a D/s relationship.)

I felt submissive to several, but not in the past 4+ years, have never bottomed and don't plan to.

I have only had submissives one at a time, or friendly bottoms that I enjoyed topping. I'm not poly, so I made a choice of one or the other, and chose the one I preferred.

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