RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (Full Version)

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sravaka -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/16/2010 5:23:44 PM)

I don't know that it will be helpful, but I started a thread some time ago that touched on 50s household, and that got some really interesting responses...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2785214/mpage_1/tm.htm

The thing that bugs me about it is the notion of utterly separate spheres...   but for some that is a good thing.  ::shrug::



allthatjaz -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/17/2010 12:53:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

I don't know that it will be helpful, but I started a thread some time ago that touched on 50s household, and that got some really interesting responses...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2785214/mpage_1/tm.htm

The thing that bugs me about it is the notion of utterly separate spheres...   but for some that is a good thing.  ::shrug::


I stand by what I said in that post but wanted to add something.

A 1950s household within ttwd is a 'consensual 1950s household'. Its taking all the good bits and leaving behind all the bits that are not required. Its a fantasy that can be developed within our kink and lived out successfully by both parties.
Its silly to go on about the negatives of a 1950s household. We could just as well go on about all the negatives of 'real slavery' and how awful that really was. Its like me turning round to a woman that wants to be a pony and saying 'you do know that real ponies have to sleep in their own shit when they are stabled don't you and if you break your leg you will have to be put down?'

This is a world of following our dreams and desires and making make believe happen. Many of us do it and do it well. There is no rule book except the one we make for ourselves.



IronBear -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/17/2010 8:22:29 AM)

I agree with allthatjazz here. This also applies to the Victorian Lifestyle just as it does to the Medieval Reinactors and the SCA. Form a Victorian perspective, if I were to take it to the extreme limit then no woman in my home would have the right to vote (for example). Simply we take the best of that period and incorporate it into our lifestyle on a daily basis. After all, just ask yourself, would you rather have someone who had impeccable manners, understood social etiquette and was courteous or someone who follows the current trend of being in your face, rude, abrasive and abusive? 



ThundersCry -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/17/2010 8:44:36 AM)

Living in part of the 50`s did nothing for me...

All I require of that kind of dynamic is she get her ass off the couch and make me some supper LOL


And buy me lots of cowboy boots, hats etc!



NuevaVida -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/17/2010 1:36:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

The thing that bugs me about it is the notion of utterly separate spheres...   but for some that is a good thing.  ::shrug::


Except there's no actual rule book that says you HAVE to live separate spheres. 

In my relationship, for example, we have taken bits and pieces of various "dynamic types" and worked them into an overall picture that works for us as a couple.  We're somewhat heavy on 1950's, but I am still his slave and baby girl.   And we are quite involved in each others spheres.

I think "1950s Lifestyle" is a framework from which to create a relationship that works best for you (generic you).  Incorporate the good stuff, throw out the bad stuff, and add the stuff that's not in there yet. [;)]



aldompdx -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/18/2010 2:32:11 AM)

Unless you have a time maching, all you can have is a household in 2010.

I fail to comprehend how any person would want a household -- OTHER THAN THEIR OWN.

Make it the way you want it, not some contrived pleasantville.



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/18/2010 6:59:01 PM)

I find I generally like what you say, aldompdx.

Some people dont remember the actual 50's household; they may be revisionists or are seeing the past through rose colored glasses. It was the mind numbing, for women, in the 50's that caused Betty Friedan to speak of the "disease with no name"; which was the post WWII brainwashing that told women we were supposed to have orgasms from shiny floors and clean toilets. We were not supposed to need intellectual pursuits; our job was to change diapers, cook and clean, and to provide services to men of that generation who went to war and were generally pretty frozen in their emotions. Not a very pretty picture.

I think "50's household" in a BDSM context is more accurately called a "male led household, which does not harken back to the BS and repressiveness of the 50's. If those here are old enough to remember, the 50's were a time of terrible sexual (as well as political) repression. I am not sure that concept, 50's household, has a place in BDSM terminology. I personally dont like it all - I am old enough to remember how bad the 50's were to women, so bad that doctors routinely prescribed valium, "Mother's Little Helper", for the widespread depression women experienced then.



jbcurious -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/18/2010 11:11:46 PM)

I would never have taken the term so literally within the realm of BDSM.

Being a slave has nothing to do with real slavery of the past or present...I find the terminology used in BDSM is nothing more then a generalization that gives others a clue as to how you're wired.

I see 1950's household as an indicator of creating an intimate relationship centered around a home environment that encompasses more traditional values and lifestyle rather then being in the scene of clubs and public play.

Everyone is into BDSM for their own reasons and finding partners with a complimentary interest is the goal of most and as much as one may want to own a slave or have a 1950's household, we live in 2010 and these things are nothing more then concepts to be explored and refined to reflect the needs of the parties involved.



loverly -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/18/2010 11:35:34 PM)

Living a 50's type "lifestyle" is about ( for me ) creating a home where two people have defined roles.. those of Men and women.. it is a loving, caring, open , safe place for both parties.. the one place where they most want to be. It is about Him being in charge and her being His helpmate.. making their life lovely.. soft.. warm. her main priority is His happiness.. and in turn hers is His... the complete one another... He is in charge and she defers to Him in all things... unless there is not that opportunity.. then as half of a whole, she makes the decision she believes He would make. Rolls are defined.. there is no need for arguments or drama... it is clear who does what.

S&M or BDSM .. is an action .. one where two people engage in exploring sensual extreme sensations. Sex may or may not be involved.... people that have an M/s or D/s relationship enclude this in their life. Being unually people who think along the M/s D/s lifestyle thinking are able to break free of societies thinking of what "Normal" is and the teachings of people to afraid to explore ... but it doesnt have to be practiced together. Nor do people who enjoy S&M or BDSM have to be M/s or D/s minded.



aldompdx -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/19/2010 4:05:59 AM)

Firebirdseeking,

Excellent analysis! And, thanks for the positive feedback.
Also, many present day wannabe heads of 50's HH seem to have forgotten that they must be the sole provider. That is far more difficult now, since both earning power and buying power have been totally bushwacked, in comparison to the post-war boom economy of the 50's.

Presumably, a "real" dominant would be unwilling to submit to the control of employment. Thus, he may be running his own business from home. It would be idiotic for him to have his 50's style wife merely do housework, when they could work as a far more profitable and trustworthy team in a business / household of this century. Even now, such freedom and independence is unavailble in many parts of the world.



subangi -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/19/2010 5:04:35 AM)

Ahhh,  a simpler time when a man got turned on when his wife wore pearls while vaccuming.
Sorry , the June Cleaver scene popped in my head while reading this.



allthatjaz -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/19/2010 5:24:45 AM)

Actually a 50s style lifestyle in 2010 can be a mindset. It doesn't need to include all the negatives from the 50s! It may be as simple as, like loverly says, creating a home where two people have defined roles. 'ok' you may say, 'then why not just include the D/s dynamic like 'normal' people do?
My lifestyle doesn't include words like 'Master' and it doesn't include slavery or submission and so how can I define what we are about?
He likes me to wear pretty dresses and he likes a good hearty home made meal after a hard days work. I wash, I cook and I clean, just like most other housewives (I don't go out to work) but theres a difference because unlike vanilla, we live 24/7 D/s. This isn't a role we chose but one that developed over a period of time.
My/Our lifestyle reminds me of my grandparents who lived in a bit of a time warp and those memories are all good ones. Perhaps that is over romanticizing but whatever it is, it works for us. Their lifestyle could of been a 30s, 40s or 50s lifestyle but whatever they were, I have fond memories and inspiration of the way they lived.
I am a perfect hostess that can cook up an elaborate dinner for a dozen people. I am woman who doesn't mind getting her hand dirty. I am a woman who makes sure that everything is done and dusted before he gets home and I am a woman that gives my man a lot of sexual satisfaction and yet I am not a submissive woman.

I really don't understand why people get up in arms about a 50s style lifestyle. People who preach about how awful the 50s really was should also preach about how awful slavery really was. They perhaps should preach to the age players too because of, dare I say it.... that awful thing called incest.

I have lived this sort of lifestyle for 2 years now and you can preach all you like about how its not authentic. I don't care about authentic. All I care about is the fact that it works.



jbcurious -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/19/2010 5:46:00 AM)

I believe that you're taking this too literally, and as I said in my previous post, the term "slave" is far from a literal translation, I have to wonder why you insist in taking this term at face value rather then as a "concept".

I have been approached by 4 Doms interested in this lifestyle, all successful business men in the 6 digit income bracket who are well aware of the "sole provider" aspect of this type of relationship.

The fact that they require someone who is available to them at all times for what ever purpose is less the stay at home housewife of the 50's and more a blend of that, an Executive PA, social secretary and mistress.

So in reality... I'm one hell of a bargain [;)] as his costs in maintaining those 4 things would far outway any financial contribution I could make working for someone else and in reality is much more taxing then any job I might work at outside of the home.



jbcurious -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/20/2010 3:33:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

Ahhh,  a simpler time when a man got turned on when his wife wore pearls while vaccuming.
Sorry , the June Cleaver scene popped in my head while reading this.


Ahhh but the part they don't show you is when Ward breaks out the vacumn attachments, lifted Junes skirt and found a good use for the pearls... [;)]



subangi -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (5/20/2010 5:56:58 PM)

LMAO.  That was tooooo funny....and witty!  Thanks



Schatzlein -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (6/12/2010 12:21:58 PM)

My Dom is really into this and, in a way, for a woman it can be a bit tricky to pull off (but in my profession and family most people are still stuck in the 50's anyway so no one really notices much : )).  I agree that it takes a lot of psychological gymnastics to get some things done and it can be a fine line between guile and manipulation.  It may even take some expertise in NLP--LOL.

It doesn't mean that we don't discuss things or that He ignores my opinions.  In fact, He often asks because He knows I have good judgment and am intelligent-but He considers and decides.  What He decides is what we do.  However, I don't offer unsolicited opinions and even if I disagree with a decision, I smile and suck it up.  Also, complaints need to be very well thought out and you have to choose your battles carefully. 




femasoslave -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (6/15/2010 9:21:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus

I love what I think is the entire 1950s dynamic (man is man, woman is woman and mom at the same time).

I also see, in this dynamic, the woman catering to her man, and, well, if he wants to lift her skirt while she cooks, smack her ass, and have her take care of him in the bedroom while bound to the bedposts, I still think that's within the bounds of the 1950s dynamic.

Do you?



Yes......i do.......i am living the 1950's dynamic with my Master. I am looking after the home, i cook, clean AND i am (hopefully...grin) anything and everything he wants in the bedroom (he tells me i am). We have a 9yo daughter who i get up in the mornings, make her lunch for school, do her hair, help her with her homework after school etc etc.
I run the house and i feel completely and utterly fulfilled.
I used to be a completely independant woman who was VERY successful in her chosen career...but still always felt as though something was missing, i no longer feel that way.



xssve -> RE: Where does BDSM fit in a (typical) 1950s houshold? (6/16/2010 5:47:49 AM)

Shameless plug, but I've been thinking of doing some stories about this, here's a couple concept sketches.

Anybody like to write stories about this?



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