SusanofO -> RE: Sadist's? Understanding Needed... (4/9/2006 6:43:16 AM)
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I've been reading the past few explanations with a high level of interest and am really glad to hear from some actual sadists. I knew I would still be thinking about this when I got up this morning (I was). I've come up with my own nutshell synopsis about why people do this (there is, btw, no "judgmentalism" on my part attached to any of my thoughts here. I can sometimes dislike "armchair psychology", but - since it seems like nobody on the planet can seem to agree on exactly why people engage in this activity, anyone's opinion (maybe especially from an actual sadist) is as good as anyone else's here I 'spose. Maybe these thoughts below are nothing new to anyone who is experienced but I am just trying to "figure things out" for myself. I do think sometimes investigating something a "too much" can take away from the "mystique of it all" - but then again, wanting to figure out 'what it's all about' is pretty much evidence that any "mystique" about it (for me) hasn't been dissipated (or I wouldn't even be interested in analyzing it) - and I do have a lot of curiosity about this topic. My thoughts here only refer to when an actual scenario is taking place (though I imagine there is a dynamic that is similar that goes on "the rest of the time" if two people are in a relationship (to whatever degree). In relationships I am sure people live 'just like anyone else' - and relate to eachother as people who care about eachother and have many facets to their lives (and even mentioning that is probably un-necessary). I was thinking what it boiled down to is this: 1. One person (the masochist, or sub or slave - or whaever combo of those) is wanting recognition or a feeling of approval from someone who may seem to be (key word here may be "seem") enticingly just "out of reach" - on some level (even if they are, say, in the same room with eachother a lot of the time. "Out of reach" means (to me) that some emotinal part of one person the other person wants to "reach" is either being with-held (deliberately) or has to be "worked for' (to "reach" it). The sadist is wanting recognition that it's okay for them to "be themselves" - no matter what (really the same thing as wanting recognition). This isn't "bad" - and each person gets some gratification from intereacting this way (or why would they do it)? 2. What better way to feel "extra special" than to feel some heavy-duty "visceral warmth" by either having to (willingly) strain to meet someone else's "expectations" (in the case of the masochist, or sub or slave), or else by with-holding (controlling) some final recognition or approval for the other person (on the part of the sadist) and thus be reassured the other person really really really wants and-or appreciates (or even loves) them?- however this dynamic is acted out - whether physically or emotionally or both - I think that might be what's going on. *Doesn't that, though just make some part of you want to cry? Does me. I think sadists really need lots of HUGS (and masochists do too). Like I said, I could be way off-base and-or someone thinking these things may be no big revelation to experienced folks. But still - Remember To: Hug your local sadist - Today![;)] I realize both people are probably very attuned to eachother (they'd have to be, wouldn't they?) -so they also give eachother "encouragement" ( verbal or physical) - along the way.Guess maybe I am more interested in the feelings involved in these scenarios because I take for granted if they weren't the more important aspect there probably wouldn't even be any physical activity. *Maybe the above could be said of many bdsm encounter or relationship - but I don't think so (not really). Do the reasons for it then make these activities "sick"? Ever since I fell down this rabbit hole of a web-site, I no longer even know what that word means, so....No. Plus - even if it was "sick" - would it mean I necessarily had to care? No. It sounds like it could definitely be pretty gratifying and fun (to me). I spose it helps if one maybe had "inclinations" in this direction for awhile - maybe many years, to "get used to" the idea, whether a person has acted on them or not. I think I had an emotionally sadisitc parent - it was a sometimes subtle, sometimes not - yet omnipresent thing - snarky comments were always flying through the air (and not from me). This might be TMI (too much information) but in any case, that person, I believe, didn't know they were being that way, and did love me - a Lot, and they had so many memorable lovely qualities which I will always remember and appreciate to this day. Plus, thanks to you - mom - if this is due to your influence -I now have a potentially better sex life than I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams. It was pointless maybe to even mention the above (I was half-joking) - and it was not a 'complaint' (I loved my mother, and she is dead now anyway). How do I know how I got this way? Maybe it's genetic. Does it matter? Well it looks like I'm here on this planet for the duration no matter what - so...No again. The reasons people engage in this activity are maybe as individual as the people involved. I do still think it's an interesting topic. I didn't mean to 'put it under a microscope' (but that really doesn't destroy any "mystique" it might have -for me - (hope that didn't deflate it for anyone else). I just really wanted to try to understand it, too. - Susan
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